Coldhearted, asshole phone thief!!!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

Some sleazeball jerk stole my roommate’s cell phone last night, yeah that’s right, Christmas eve Eve. He grabbed it from right in front of her, where she’d placed it, BEHIND the counter at her job.

You know? I could almost kinda see… (ALMOST people ALMOST, I don’t want anyone getting stuff stolen from them kay?). if you were to steal the phone from someone who looked prosperous, maybe in a kind of “stick it to the man, stick it to the 1%ers… they can afford it, they’re rich white people,” or whatever.

But the person you stole the phone from is a struggling 20something who works at a gas station for barely a buck above minimum wage. She just got out of an abusive marriage and is still paying for the financial fall-out and emotional fallout from that ordeal. The phone, a Samsung Galaxy S II, was really her only “luxury” and her contact with family out of state. She’s already out running around, on Christmas eve day (instead of being able to spend the day with her boyfriend wrapping presents and hanging out as she’d planned), trying to figure out how to get a loaner phone, or some such from her phone company, so she can at least make phone calls to her family on Christmas Eve. If she can’t get a reasonably priced replacement from her provider, she’ll have to spend the majority of her scant paycheck on a replacement.

And you’re a person who came to the store every day, said “hi” to her, she was friendly and polite to you and got to know you. So it’s not like you didn’t KNOW that this young lady wasn’t exactly “the man” but that you were stealing from someone on the same rung of the social ladder as you.

So “Quincy” and you KNOW who you are, though I doubt you’re intelligent enough to find your way to a website, let alone one with the caliber of the Dope, do the right thing, bring the phone back, at least let her recover her personal photos and information. (yes I know I’m talking to the air, I just needed to vent!).

I wish I could lambast this guy with a string of cleverly put together obscenities (or maybe I don’t, that’s not really “me”). But even if it were me, I’m just too heartsick for my poor little hard working roomie to be able to work up that kind of rant.

All I can think is “JERK!!! ASSHOLE!!! SLIME!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”.

sigh…

2

I’m not sure how this works at the dope, but I’d gladly contribute toward a replacement phone.

3

That’s so sweet. She just got back from the phone store and they provided her with a replacement phone (for a price, but less horrible than she’d expected). They helped her out and gave her a pretty good discount. The one good thing is she had insurance on her old phone, so once the paperwork goes through, she’ll get that money back.

And the phone store basically said that because it was reported stolen, they made some sort of adjustment to her account/line where no one can actually use it, it’s basically a glorified paperweight. All that happens is that if they turn it on and try to do anything, a message pops up on the screen that says “this phone is stolen, return it to the police”.

That makes me feel better on her behalf, but the whole thieving from an underprivileged person just burns my butt!

4

If she can, she should get a GPS app that lets you find your phone from another device, like your laptop. But make sure you give that info to the cops-- being a vigilanty can be hazardous to your health.

5

It can, for sure. I did this once a couple of years ago and I think I posted the tale here, but long story short, I was so angry, so barking fucking mad that it happened, I went all mission impossible, found the shitstain in front of a mobile phone store, jumped out of my truck and proceeded to make him so afraid of me I literally chased him around a parking lot and out into a busy street while screaming all kinds of things and trying SO HARD to goad him into taking a swing so I could put him in the hospital. I’ve never seen fear like that in a man’s (man my ass…) eyes. I got the phone back, he ran like a little bitch.
It was almost completely satisfying to just go nuts like that and damn the consequences. I was loaded for bear and that dumb son of a bitch didn’t pose any more of a threat than maybe a rabid squirrel to me at the moment, so I let my inner thug have a go. I could have been killed.
Don’t try this at home, kids. It’s a stupid thing to do. Even if you’ve lost your mind.

6

Wait. Y’all know who stole the phone? How is it the police haven’t recovered it for her, then? And arrested his ass, to boot?

7

Some apps (like Lookout) also have the option to send a command to your phone to make it screech (overriding silent-mode ringtone). That makes things unpleasant for thieves and is also useful if you just misplaced the phone.

8

That’s terrible! :mad:

I wish there was something I could do to help.

9

It sounds like everything worked out for the best. yay for her! Going forward, may I suggest hiding the phone on her person at all times? Leaving a very expensive phone out in the open is a losing proposition, whether you’re at a gas station or a black tie charity benefit for dismembered orphans.

I speak from experience, btw. I had an engraved iPod stolen from my locked car. It was a painful, expensive learning experience. But I was stupid to leave it on my center console, too.

10

It’s possible they’re friendly but she doesn’t actually know his identity. However, turning over the presumed security camera footage to the cops along with any info she can remember on this guy would be a good idea.

11

Damn. I’d be mad too if someone stole my asshole phone.

12

I LOVE this… you’re right, it could be dangerous, but it would be so satisfying!!!

13

She only knows his first name, he’s a customer (or was). But she filed a police report and they have video footage, so we’re hoping they find him, but you know the wheels of justice (especially in our town), run SOoooooo slowly.

Thanks so much everyone for the sympathy, it’s helped.

14

I don’t even want to know how you go about dialing one of those.

15

Hey! There was a shortage of commas, it was Christmas Eve after all. :smiley:

16

Surely you’ve heard of butt-dialing?

Sorry, I resisted the first one as long as I could, but if you’re gonna give me a straight line like that…

17

When I heard that an asshole phone was stolen, my first thought was “that stinks.”

eta: I’m really glad things worked out for your friend.

18

Yep. Unfortunately, the smart thieves know about this. One time I had my iPhone stolen. (left it unattended in a bathroom stall for five minutes. How they found it in that short amount of time in a stall is just bad luck for me. And, yes, I was surfing the web while on the shitter.) By the time I got to a computer (about 2 hours later) to try to locate it or wipe it, they had disabled it. Stupid me for not having a passcode. I set a permanent “remote wipe” command on it, and it never went through, so I assume they just jailbroke the phone and did whatever they wanted with it.

So now, I have a passcode on it at all times, as much as a pain in the ass it is. Might buy you some extra time.

19

Is that one of those prehensile rectum things? 'Cause I don’t have one of those.

20

You guys are deliberately misconscrewing the thread title. An asshole phone only has people like Lindsey Lohan and Charlie Sheen on speed dial.