I’m not a good ranter but I just had to get this out. Maybe a more creative pitizen could put a nice spin on this for me.
Okay, as I was leaving work around 1:30ish am I had a woman come running down the parking lot yelling for me to stop.
Well, the parking lot to my work surrounds a bar and it’s parking lot and this woman looks frantic. It’s also not one of the best neighborhoods.
I slow down and crack my window a bit to find out what is going on.
She starts going on about how someone just ran off with her cell phone and did I have a phone she could use to call the police.
Sure, not a problem…
So, she calls the police and tells them what happened.
From what I gather she was walking through the lot and was stopped by a guy who wanted to “get to know her better” and she declined because she doesn’t “sell her ass anymore”.
She goes on about how she is a mother of four and trying hard to support them and someone has the nerve to run off with her phone. And she continues to go on about the cost and how long it took her to get said phone.
While they have her on hold she asks if I can give her a ride a few streets up. She’s not scary, and she was pretty shook up cause it looked like the guy roughed her up a bit.
I thought I was doing a good deed.
As I’m driving along she starts giving the police more information and they finish up.
She asks to use my phone again to call to make sure someone would be up to let her in.
As I slow down where she told me to, she jumped out of my van and ran off with my phone.
I went to a friends house to make my police report and the officer couldn’t believe it.
They linked my report to hers and they are going to go and arrest her tomorrow. He was stunned! They had all her information since she had just made a report about her phone…name, number, address, employer, moms name and employer, sisters name, you get the gist.
I understand this is all my fault. I shouldn’t be so trusting. I’m stupid and gulible.
But what the fuck?
I carry a cell phone because I have a chronically ill child and four other children that God knows what could happen to at any given time, and my husband or mother in law may need to get ahold of me at a moments notice.
I work in a big meat packaging plant and our PA system isn’t exactly the best. You can never hear them. That and I have a supervisor who for some reason never returns pages. I need my phone!
I scrimped and saved for this phone. My husband (on a good day) even took a few dollars and got me a Sponge Bob face for it.
My cell phone was stolen by a drunken hooker!
My husband is out of town for the weekend with the national guard and I know I am going to have hell to pay when he gets home.
I got my ass chewed because some jerk pulled a hit and run on our van a few weeks ago in front of our house while we were all sleeping. I can just about imagine what hell I will catch for this.
I’m too trusting.
Gods, I feel like a putz. I think I’ll go cry some more. I know it sounds material of me, but I don’t have much really and I work hard for what I do have. And I will spend all weekend going crazy everytime I hear or don’t hear a half warbbled page wondering if it is my name because my son has got a nose bleed or one of the other children have gotten hurt. Or heck, even my hubby getting hurt while in warmonger* training.
(*one of the few good natured ribs we share)
“My husband is out of town for the weekend with the national guard and I know I am going to have hell to pay when he gets home.”
I sure hope not! You did the right thing by trying to help someone out. Unfortunately, there are shitheads out there that’ll take advantage of it. Perhaps the police will find the phone on her when they arrest her? In any case, what a dumbass as well as a shithead.
I am happy that all you lost was your cell phone. I was thinking as I read your story that she was directing you to a place where some of her thug friends could toss you to the curb and make off with your vehicle, purse, and other stuff.
The next time I know you will be wiser. Unfortunately, some people take advantage of our trust. I think your husband will be glad this turned out the way it did. It could have been far worse.
I don’t deal with large numbers of people that are truly in distress however I have noted that folks who are truly in need recognize the wishes of others to be safe. If you are alone, do not offer to go to another site with someone…ever. Anyone on the up and up would understand your reluctance to put yourself at risk.
I certainly hope your husband will be glad that you are safe. Yeah, you got taken, but I have to admit I would have, too. She was talking to the police, for goodness’ sake. I would have assumed that it was safe to help her, too.
Check your email, Kricket. Good deeds shouldn’t get punished.
Kricket, I’m so sorry this happened to you! I would certainly hope that your loving, giving nature is one of the things that attracted your husband to you in the first place; surely he doesn’t expect you to change now!? Don’t take his grief. Sounds like you’re doing a good enough job of beating yourself up over it! (although you shouldn’t be. Perfectly reasonable to assume she was safe).
If her hubbie blamed her in some way shape or form for the van hit and run thing thing, then he’s just being an unreasonable jerk. The only context in which he might possibly have a point is if it’s a somewhat high risk to get hit street (like mine during winter) and the van should never be left parked on the street if driveway options exist, but there’s no info to this effect in the description.
In any case, in all honesty, if my wife and the mother of four kids told me a story about how a drunk hooker stole her phone because she gave this woman a ride at 1:30 AM after hearing this conversation prior to letting her in the car
and then offers this nice lady a ride. I’m sorry, but I would highly pissed at the lack of common sense and utter foolhardiness of this move even if it is motivated by the best of intentions. And yes a lot this feeling would probably be because my precious wife and mother of four kids is a kind, trusting soul who puts herself in harm’s way without weighing the bigger risk picture.
Flip the situation around. You have four kids and are struggling to make ends meet. Your nightshift working husband comes home and tells you a story about a poor man/woman in need they met at 2:00 in the morning, and a gave them a ride and the person robbed them or stole something from them. Is there a caring wife out there that would not be highly pissed in some fashion at the foolishness of this move and the irresponsibily of someone who is the main financial provider for a family of six pulling a stunt like this.
I’m so sorry about your phone and the hassle, but count me in the camp of WTF? You “catch hell” from your husband? Over things you didn’t even do? That sounds like a fate worse then losing a cell phone. He has no right to give you “hell” for anything, IMHO.
Yes, I know I was foolish.
She was another female alone and she looked roughed up. But then again I know that I was a woman alone and I could have been roughed up.
Trust me I am seriously kicking myself over this one.
I am glad it was just my cell phone and nothing worse.
Yeah, my husband does have a bit of an anger management problem and I will probably get my ass chewed and I’m doubting any thing will be said about how I could have been hurt. Unless of course he is still checking my every keystroke and reads this.
It’s not exactly a happy marriage anymore.
After I posted I called the police department back and the officer told me that he was just finishing the report and would give it to a detective.
I just called a few minutes ago to be told that it wouldn’t reach a detective until Monday, they don’t work weekends.
I’m just wondering what else I should do…I filed a report and followed up on it and will continue to.
But because of my credit I’m on a month to month pre-pay so there is a SIM card in my phone. I’m not sure if they can disconnect the number and I just refilled it three days ago.
Should I call the Iowa Wireless people and tell them to be on the lookout for someone bringing in a Sponge Bob phone looking to replace a SIM card? Should I call the pawn shops?
My phone doesn’t even ring, the voice mail picks up right away. So if she turned it off she can’t use it anymore without getting a new SIM card because I have a PIN number to get into the phone.
I have to leave for work in about a half hour so I guess I should think fast.
But hey, as we have all learned, I don’t tend to be the brightest person right now.
You know instant karma usually kicks my ass. Why don’t the bad people out there have to deal with instant karma? And I’m talking about small stuff for me. The first time in two years that I decide to horseplay at work and I’m caught within seconds. Took me two years and then about 15 minutes for them to talk me into goofing around and I was reserved about it even then. Afterwards I explained to my co-workers that besides safety is one of the reasons I don’t goof around. I always get caught.
But there are many people like her out there walking around screwing people everyday and karma never seems to catch up to them.
Brynda, I got your e-mail and will get back to you after work tonight. I really don’t deserve your kindness, and it is nice to know that there are still wonderful caring people out there.
I am trying not to be jaded over this.
I guess I just thought that it wasn’t going to be an issue with this woman. I mean who files a police report and then ten minutes later turns around an commits a crime?
She gave them all her information and they linked my report to hers. I mean she rambled off everything down to where her mother and sister are employed, where they live, and their phone numbers.
If I knew my phone was still on I would hand out the number to you guys and let my friends know to call it every chance they got to bug the hell out of her.
Now that would be a treat. I could just imagine some of the creative calls she would get from my fellow dopers and friends around here.
Gosh, that thought actually made me smile a little.
Kricket, I’m not going to tell the story 'cause I’m sick of telling it, but let me just say that one time I gave a lift to a woman who seemed nice enough and all, and I swear I’ve never been around a more mentally unstable person. She talked to voices in her head, thought my roommate (also in the car) was posessed by the devil; weird stuff. But, it still pays to be nice, IMO.
I would have given the lady $0.35 to use the pay phone inside the bar. There are simply some neighborhoods where I don’t feel like I should risk my own neck for anyone unless it is someone I know well.
Now, I don’t mean to come off as harsh. However, I think you should also know that, even though I view your actions as a bit ignorant, I commend them anyway. It is nice to know that there are people out there willing to lend a helping hand even if it means putting their own necks in harms way.
Don’t change a bit. However, try to think a bit more before you act. Hopefully, your husband won’t give you too much hell. Try to emphasize the point that she was talking to the police…and try to learn from the situation.
Take care, and good luck (I’m not going to comment on the “hit and run” because it seems as if not all of the facts are given).
I posted the hit and run story somewhere here in the pit a few weeks ago in response to an OP.
I have parked my van out in front of my house for six years now without incident. Not as busy as most streets but still busy since it is inbetween a high school and junior high and it is a main city bus route.
When the winter thaw comes our backyard turns into a mud pit. Much easier and cleaner to park in front and load the kids up for school there than dragging them through the mud at 7am.
My mother in law was parked in front of me, my husband behind.
It could have been any one of the vehicles…but it was mine. My van, my fault.
Like I said, the honeymoon is over. That is a whole nother rant.
People like her aren’t vulnerable in the same way you are. They don’t care about the same things: good reputation at work, for instance, or having a job at all. But their karmic debts are greater, and are usually paid through death, disease, and, yes, jail time. It catches up with them eventually. Might even happen to her this time.
Is it just me, or does that sound even sketchier than the giving her hell for someone else hitting the car? Healthy relationships don’t involve spying on your wife.
Coldfire, has anyone told you lately that you are a doll?
You are right, it is a bit more serious than a cell phone. I felt violated over having it taken and I feel very gulible for putting myself in the position.
But, I made mayself a wreck wondering what my husband was going to say.
Oddly he reacted better than I thought he would. He did say that I was stupid for helping her but he didn’t yell.
He was raised seeing his mom behave for the most part like a 50’s housewife. She cooked, she cleaned, and she held a job and took care of five children. But, she was never allowed to leave the house and she didn’t have any friends.
I do all those things as well, but I like to leave the house and do things with my children, and I like to have friends. Having friends and taking the children swimming in the summer sometimes interfer with dinner being on the table at 5.
Laundry is always done, but sometimes doesn’t always get put away. And I work. Granted I only work weekends, but I put in 30 to 40 hours in three days and I make more, and I carry the insurance.
That doesn’t stop him from telling me that my job isn’t hard and that it’s worthless because it’s only three days a week.
I’m always late for everything pretty much. But you know sometimes it’s hard getting five children out the door and going in one direction at the same time.
He could have it worse. He could have kept his first wife. She doesn’t work, she sleeps all day, she doesn’t cook, and she doesn’t clean. She always sick as well.
And she and I are good friends so this isn’t anything I wouldn’t or haven’t said to her.
But still I get treated like crap.
My sister wanted me to go for a day of shopping with her. I was told that I couldn’t go. Well dad, my chores were done and the kids were in school. What was it going to hurt?
I also don’t get out of the house to do things until after the children are in bed. Less hassle for him. He works hard all day and needs his rest.
We don’t really even talk anymore because I am starting to do the things that I want to do. And I’m opening my mouth more.
There is a thread about why do women stay in abusive relationships and the first reply kind of nails it.
I know the way he treats me isn’t right. But, I could have it worse. He has never hurt me physically but the verbal is wicked. If I were to walk away now I leave with my children and our clothing. When we married I gave up my house and all my stuff. We rent space above his parents house since his father was ill. In the past I had always made sure that everything was in my name…I met him and thought he was the one so I took a leap of faith.
We have split before but it was rough because I don’t have a vehicle and no place to go.
I do know that if I were to call from help with small household things that my friends here would help with what they could. But there are other things I have to get sorted out first. Mostly money stuff.
That was probably my response, Kricket. I was in grad school for a while, studying social psychology and specializing in interpersonal relationships. I never dealt with an abusive relationship, but early in college, I was in a long-distance relationship with a guy who became emotionally distant and manipulative, jerking me around basically. I hung on for a very long time, until (with the help of friends who kept talking to me about it but not pushing) I realized that no, I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, and getting out was better than staying.
I know you have a lot more at stake than some college kid, but you don’t deserve to be treated like that either. You’re not his kid, not his slave, you’re his wife - and supposedly an equal. One sign of an abusive spouse (either gender) is controlling who you can see, even your family members.
Whatever you do, do something. Counseling, getting out, whatever it takes to make your life better. If you think you have to sort some stuff out first, make definite goals and stick to them - either achieve them or set a deadline such that if you can’t deal with it in X months, you will move on with your next step without taking care of that issue first. Look for whatever resources will help you.
Most of all, remember Kricket, you don’t deserve to be treated that way.
I just wanted to add that it is easy to get your phone shut off. I worked for a cell phone company and we got calls that a phone was lost or stolen all the time. It takes about 5 seconds to scramble the serial number so the phone can’t be used, and if you get it back it can be restored just as quickly.
I am sorry you are having a hard time, but keep being a nice person. You sound like a great person to know. Since you have a job, is there any way you could set up your own account, maybe at a different bank? You could set aside a little money for yourself so if you do decide to leave you could have something to get you started. It might make you feel more secure, even if you never end up using it, just knowing it is there if you need it.
Your husband sounds very controlling. You deserve to have your own life. He does not own you. A marriage is based on trust and compromise, one person should not have all the power or the ability to grant permission or take it away. It sounds like you already know that, but sometimes it helps to hear it, too.
Sorry if I stepped into territory that is none of my business, but I have seen women who feel trapped in a marriage before and I know it must be really hard, especially when you have kids to think of. Good luck, and I hope things get better.