I am on the verge of driving my significant other and parents insane.
I tend to think too much about the long-term “what ifs,” and I often scare myself into a corner, seeking reassurance that everything is going to be ok.
For example, I was just hired as Project Manager for a tech company, and since I am new and the company may not have the most business at the moment, I sometimes do not feel I have any job security (I know, who does these days). So, my girlfriend and father have often told me things like “control what you can, it’s just a job, etc.” I often understand the logic. I know I will be fine in a variety of situations-but I worry and cannot seem to convince myself that I should not over analyze and stress over situations that I am most likely blowing out of proportion.
I find this impedes my ability to improve a situation as well. For example, I might convince myself that I am screwed because I do not know how to do something, and as a result I am not motivated to start learning (because I’m too far behind).
I also often find myself writing things down to reassure myself that I will be fine. For example if my boss told me that they expect things to pick up I might jot something down like “remember your boss understands the situation.” It is almost as if I am constantly fighting to convince myself of things that make sense, and if pointed out I identify as true, but I do not actively think in this way.
I even have had to do this in my relationship. I know my girlfriend loves me to death, but sometimes we make each other mad, and I forget the character traits she had, and how much she loves me despite such instances of maybe a little coldness.
I think this may have to do with my inability to live for now, rather than fear all of the what ifs out there.
I should also mention that this can tip based on the situation. One day, when I do not have a ton of goals/work to do I might feel as though I am screwed and my new job is going to flop.
Other days I have a really cool project to work on, or a really good client/team meeting, and I love it. My girlfriend has noticed this change in tone, almost on the flip of a switch based on instances.
I cannot seem to apply an overall understanding of a situation to a subject. Like I know my girlfriend loves me, so I should be able to stop and recall that when we do not get along. I know I like my job, so I should be able to remember that there might be some times where it does not feel stable.
Since you like lists, maybe you can organize a list like an outline. Don’t stress over roman numerals etc. but group tasks you need to complete the overall task. As you do each one, check it off so that you can feel accomplishment, so it doesn’t seem hopeless—you’ll see that you’re making progress. Keep them in a notebook so that three weeks from now, you can look back and marvel at all the check marks.
Maybe when you get stressed, you need a different list.
My girlfriend loves me
My boss understands the situation
etc.
Then laminate it when consult it when you start freaking out.
There’s your key – on a good day, everything feels right.
The key is to accomplish one thing, one lousy little thing, every day. Get the dishes done. Mow the grass, vacuum the living room. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as when you go to bed each night and start to think about what-ifs you can always reassure yourself with “Yeah, but at least I picked up the dry cleaning today.”
On the career side, open a Roth IRA, start an investment portfolio, read a trade magazine, experiment with different ways to rewrite your resume. Again, all things that you CAN control.
Don’t let yourself be paralyzed by fear or doubt. Your life is more than what happens to you at work. If you feel stuck in one area, keep moving in the others.
