I’ve got a situation at work that I think has a 90% chance of turning out in my favor. Basically, I want to make some changes, they’ve been approved by my boss and his boss. I gather from some unrelated conversations that the CEO hasn’t been informed yet, and it’s not general knowledge.
I find myself getting all flustered whenever someone asks me a question that relates to this change I’m making. I’m not sure if I should just blurt it out or deflect. So far it’s been easy to deflect, so that’s what I’ve been doing.
I get all stressed about it. My heart starts to beat and I start imagining worst-case scenarios. I could potentially quit over this issue if they don’t approve it, but like I said, I don’t see much of a chance of it not going through. The CEO might whine a little bit, but that’s about it.
I just can’t stop stressing over it. I keep imaging big horrible confrontations over it, and that’s the real thing I’m stressing about. I hate confrontations. I know what I’m going to say and how I’ll present myself if it does happen, but like I said I don’t think it will be an issue (I don’t want to go into details, but it’s something that many other people in the company already have. My situation is a little unique in that I’m the first person in my job at my office who’s asked for it, but other than that it’s nothing that new or different.)
Even I know I’m overreacting on it. So what can I do to calm myself down and put things into perspective?
I’m worried about the confrontation itself. Like I said, I hate them. I’m not worried about the outcome or anything like that. Just that half hour that might happen.
I told you, it’s crazy. I don’t know why I’m so freaked out by this.
Confrontation would happen with CEO. CEO/coworkers are asking the questions that make it obvious that my direct bosses haven’t said anything to anyone yet. Not sure if I should just tell them or let it go. Both bosses are traveling this week, so I can’t ask them.
Not at all worried about possible dishonesty or anything like that.
Well, if they ask questions that give you a way to answer that could cut off future confrontation, you might do that. Like if they ask something and you can reply, “Well, I’ve asked Boss and Bigger Boss for permission to do that, but I they haven’t given me any definitive word yet.” That might give you the feeling that you’re heading off any confrontation at the pass, so to speak, without either showing up the CEO or claiming things that might not come to pass.
I hope this is helpful. I know I’m probably way off the mark.
Sometimes when I get worked up or worried about something I ask myself what the worst possible outcome could be and kind of play it out in my mind. Think of the biggest most out there thing that could happen and let it play out to the very end. Usually it’s something so over the top that I have to laugh a little at myself, or it’s something that is not as bad as I thought. So I say, “so what?” about it and try to go on.
You say it is the confrontation itself that worries you, so here’s an example:
Worst case scenario, you say something wrong and the CEO himself freaks out. That is the most stupid request he has ever heard! How dare you! You get fired in a blaze of glory and leave the office in a whirlwind of drama sure to be talked about at office parties for years and years to come.
So what? Are you going to die? Does your family still love you? Does your dog (if you have one) still greet you when you come home?
If you can’t stop yourself from thinking of the worst, then allow yourself to really think of the very worst. Sometimes that helps put things in perspective.
It also helps to think about the worswe plausible outcome. Your boss might say “I don’t think that’s right for us at this time.” You’ll still have your job, you family, your dog, etc.
I agree with the others; let it play out in your head, and figure out how you’ll handle it. Being prepared eases some of the anxiety. I don’t really like confrontations either, but unfortunately my job currently is 98% confrontation and 2% papercuts. I wish I could tell you that over time confrontation becomes easier. I wish I could tell you that eventually it stops making your stomach roil. I wish I could tell you that eventually you’ll learn how to deal with the confrontation without letting it ruin your day.
Thanks for the suggestions. Sorry I’m being so vague about this, but I don’t really want to give out a lot of details on a public message board.
I guess I’m mostly looking for relaxation techniques. I’ve played out the “worst possible outcome” to the whole thing, and it ain’t that bad. I’ve visualized the whole confrontation, and going out in a blaze of glory thing as well. I just can’t get rid of the anxiety I’m feeling about a confrontation that will probably not even happen!
This whole thing is weird; I’m not a worry-prone person. I’m just completely out of my element here.