It’s a cliche, especially in Hollywood, that gay men call each other Mary and refer to each other using femine pronouns. I’ve never seen it in real life. Is this common? Was it ever common? Is it limited to a subset of gays? Is it some bizarre holdover from the 19th century that has cemented itself in the culture but hasn’t been done in living memory?
Well, the gay people I know seem to adopt female names for their other gay friends. Blanche and other campy names. It usuallyl is a take on their current name. I have a friend named Ron and everyone calls him Rhonda. I’m not saying all gay guys do this, but in my circle of friends, it’s quite common. In the movie “The Boys in the Band”, they used the term “Mary” a lot. Mary this and Mary that.
Side Note: I’ve noticed that in a lot of “straight” movies, a coach or drill sgt almost always refers to his subordinates as “ladies” or “girls”.
Some do, some don’t. Pretty obvious answer, eh?
And ditto what rostfrei said in the 2nd paragraph. Plenty of str8 men, in an all male situation, will refer to each other (infequently) as girls.
Depends on the gay man. There are some who are “str8-acting” and would never dream of adopting “feminine” names or mannerisms. Others are more “femme” and are more free with calling other men “Mary” or what have you. Personally I enjoy playing with the stereotypes and the extent to which I’ll adopt “femme” mannerisms or refer to other men by female names depends on who I’m with and in what context.
I don’t have a speific cite but based on the various histories of homosexuality I’ve read my feeling is that it started as camoflage, mixed with a healthy dose of camp.
And as for straight men referring to other straight men in female terms, that’s just good old fashioned sexism. Subordinate men are “weaker” and therefore are “like women.” It’s a shaming thing.
Only if you want to sound like one of the guests appearing on Ricki Lake. You can call me whatever you like, as long as it isn’t “girlfriend” or anything similar. Doing so will result in me picking up my drink and moving to the other end of the bar, as far away from you as possible.
And before anyone even thinks about flaming me for saying that, let me elaborate a little more. My aversion to being addressed as a female doesn’t mean I have issues about my masculinity, or that I’m trying to come across as being butcher-than-butch. Rather, I simply think it sounds incredibly fake and irritating.
I’m not gay, but I have a gay roommate, and yes, some of his friend’s do refer to each other in feminine terms. OTOH, others never do. So in other words, yes, but not universally(duh).
I got flowers in the hospital from Margaret, Portia and Blanche – all of them male friends. But there were other gays that I knew who would not consider taking on a feminine name.
rostfrei:
That’s because the stereotype of a woman is that they are weak, not strong. It’s a way of insulting the men. I look forward to the day when it is no longer an effective insult.
I first encountered this when I was in university, not long after I’d come out, and after I’d broken up with my first boyfriend. His friend and I became friends, and one night we went out on the town in West Hollywood. His friend called us “her” or “she” and insisted we choose women’s names and use them for the evening. I was a bit irritated by this, because I was still getting used to the idea of being gay myself, and didn’t want to be associated with something I thought of as stereotyped behavior.
It doesn’t bother me anymore, mostly because I think of it as a bonding method, mostly from another era, and similar to (my apologies) “niggas” and other subculture’s humor, which can’t be used by others who aren’t a member.
I’ve never run into this before, probably because it’s precisely the kind of overdone camp that drives me up the wall.
When I’m with gay/bi male friends, it’s guys, boys, or “Hey, Michael!”
Like someone else said, some do, and some don’t. We’re not a separate species with universal, predictable behaviors.
Do brunettes always leave the toilet seat down?
I think it’s much more common among “scene queens,” who are a subculture pretty much unto themselves. The more camp, theatrical, and nightlife-loving then the more likely they are to adopt the lingo, in my experience. Usually found in tandem with exaggerated lisping, referring to everyone as “honey,” etc.
I agree with Kobaltblu, it can be exciting/comforting for them to have some kind of culture to bond over and identify as their own, especially for younger gays who haven’t been out and about for very long.
I have had quite a few gay male friends and have always called them “girl” or “girlfrien’” and they call each other the same (but then they call me that too) . Some of it does depend on their roles. Like some are more flaming than others and my friend might say “Oh girl, she is SUCH a queen!” said with eyes rolling and a very gay male voice, it sounds kind of funny, actually and not something you’d say about someone who was dominant…but even the dominant males are still referred to as “she” But this is mostly among friends, it isn’t something you’d do to a stranger in a bar.
I have heard of males taking feminine names but mostly I have seen that from the femme partner in couples and only a few times or from female impersonaters for obvious reasons. Generally it’s Tim & Mike or Greg &Dave “Hi girls!”
None of the guys in my circle have adopted, or ask to be called by, female names. An exception to this is drag queens who, when in drag, should be called by their drag name.
I have never been comfortable with being referred to as she or girl. Possibly I am not comfortable enough with being gay (I really haven’t been out long). I do know that others are referred to in this way and don’t seem to mind. I don’t know what this says about them, or me, but it is probably just that everyone is different.
Regardless of my sexual preferences, I am still male and still prefer to be addressed as such.
Bob
Actually, that sums up my own observations pretty well. At least in the places where I hang out, which tend to attract rather mixed crowds, the only people who do this are the young boys wearing angel wings and glitter. Everyone else just looks puzzled by the whole thing.
Of course, seeing as those who partake in the lingo generally don’t hang out with those who find it irritating, it isn’t usually a problem. Only when the two groups are forced together do certain people find themselves getting rubbed up the wrong way, like in the situation Kobaltblu describes.
Regarding straight men saying girls, etc. in all male company, this is not a put down in some situations. I have seen it, as a teenage male, common enough to know that it is a kind of equalizer. And this is from growing up in rural midwest.
MY friends and I use “girl” a lot in a joking way. We don’t usually say that all the time, only when someone does something worth commenting:
“Giiiiiiiiiiiirl, you always late!”
We also use feminine names, which are variations on our real names in a joking matter. Never seriously:
I personally don’t mind it at all, but i hardly do the above also.
Shit! that means I’m going to get beat up because I called you girls in the thread title! 
I, as a straight male, have never heard of other guys refering to each other as girls in anything but an insulting manner, and even that’s only in movies.
I think you are correct. That is the same conclusion that I came up with. It also is the same principle that parents can be proud of girls who are tomboys(masculine is an increase in status), but boys cannot be girly(anything feminine is of lower status).
The feminine names were once popular, but in the Gay Meeting of October 2001, this practice was voted down by the members with an indult granted to drag queens for stage use only.