My sister gave birth to an amazing baby girl on Saturday. Her breast milk finally started coming in today and she’s been feeling like a failure because it took four days. We know that it takes three to five days on average for milk to come in, but logic has no part in a new mommy’s feelings about the world. Last night, she tried my niece on a bottle of formula and she ate it down with no problem. We tried her on a bottle of breast milk just now and she wouldn’t drink it. Her daddy mixed it half and half with formula and now she’s sucking it down like it’s the best thing ever. Now, of course, my sister is feeling like a failure because her daughter doesn’t seem to like her breast milk. They have an appointment with a lactation consultant coming up, but for now her husband, our mom, and myself are here trying to work out how to make my sister feel better. Any thoughts?
Most bottles are easier for babies to drink from than breasts. They’re less work, because the milk just drips out. It takes time to make a good mommy-baby nursing team. It does not mean she’s a failure in any way. It does not mean her baby is a failure.
Of course, women who have just had their milk com in are the Most Emotional People In The World, so reason may not help. In my experience, anyway.
Besides sticking with it? I personally don’t have any real recommendations except the lactation consultant. I know when our first was born a couple of the nurses made my wife feel really bad that she couldn’t get it right away. They damn near forced us to feed her formula.
In any case, it took a visit from the lactation consultant to make things work out. The little one nursed for around two years until there was no more milk due to the second child.
Just tell your sister that she’s not a failure, remember here in the States we don’t see a lot of encouragement to nurse so many women just don’t know how. Then when it doesn’t work right away, and what the hell does with kids, we think of ourselves as failures.
You could also tell her that she can eat an extra 500 calories a day and she’ll still lose the weight. 
Why are they bottle-feeding? Is she having trouble getting the baby to latch correctly? The lactation consultant will be able to help with that, but in the meantime, if she wants breastfeeding to be successful, she probably needs to stop bottlefeeding. Some babies can develop a strong bottle preference (because, as previously mentioned, it’s easier to get milk out of the bottle than out of the breast) and it can be very, very difficult to establish breastfeeding once that has happened. Also, when the baby is drinking from the bottle instead of from the breast, the mother’s body is not getting the signal to increase production of milk, and you can develop supply problems. (Note, I am not saying this DEFINITELY WILL happen, just that it’s a strong risk at this point.)
You can tell her that typically the first 4-6 weeks are the toughest. You feel like it’s going to last forever while you’re in it, but if you can make it that far, it usually gets a lot easier. Good luck to her!
Babies often take a surprising amount of time to figure out the whole breastfeeding thing!
You need to get your sister to a lactation consultant ASAP (I know you said she has one coming up, but when’s that? If later than tomorrow, MOVE IT UP).
Obviously, baby must be fed… but babies very quickly learn that the bottle is a whole lot less work than the breast, and can learn to reject the breast. Moon Unit spent 2.5 weeks in the NICU and despite some very ill-informed neonatologists insisting that “nipple confusion” was bullcrap, she very definitely preferred bottle to breast. She was a month old by the time we got that sorted out.
It’s no big deal that it took 4 days for the milk to come in. Some folks can take 5 days or more.
Also, baby will like breast milk just fine. Baby just doesn’t want to work at it and a bottle produces milk with a lot less work than a breast does.
In the very short term: your sister could try pumping a little just before offering the breast - that’ll get the milk flowing so baby gets “rewarded” faster without having to work so hard to get the milk to let down. Also if they do give bottles, use ones with the most anatomically-correct nipples, not the generic cartoon baby-bottle shaped nipples, or Playtex disposable traditional style (those are supposed to be awful). Avoid pacifiers - baby should be getting all her sucking needs met preferably by the breast. An alternative if baby wants to suck but it isn’t time to eat: first offer the breast just in case (does no harm, baby just might latch on and get something which is always good), offer as an alternative the little finger, nail-side down.
The little-finger trick was also part of how I got Moon Unit to learn to nurse - I had tried a “supplemental nutrition system” and it looked every bit as ridiculous in person as in the pictures, but when I taped one of the tubes to my little finger, then stuck that in the baby’s mouth… when she sucked correctly, I used my chin to give the bottle a little squeeze and reward her with milk. Within 24 hours, she was fully breastfed. I basically did what I’d read about
here; I read it just a few days before Moon Unit was born, and remembered it. The results in my case were nothing short of dramatic.
Finding a very comfy, relaxing place to nurse will help. I wound up doing most nursing sessions lying down if I had a choice, simply because that meant I could fully relax - which I imagine helped with milk production.
Unfortunately, I haven’t much advice beyond “keep trying - it will likely get easier”
It took three days for my milk to arrive, and I was very worried and sore up to that point. (worried because I thought my baby wasn’t getting enough milk, and sore because the little vaccuum wanted to eat every hour)
Then the milk came, and I learned the true meaning of the word “engorgement”
Oh my goodness that was painful. Then I got to worry that I would drown my poor child in an attempt to feed her.
The first week was the hardest - it got a lot easier after that.
So just tell her to hang in there.
And if the breastfeeding doesn’t work out, even after help from the lactation consultant - well, I’ve read it a few places…“it’s formula, not rat poison”
How come the baby refused the breast fed milk in the bottle, then? Just got used to the taste of formula?
emphasis added. OP’s sister’s breastfeeding doesn’t seem to be the problem; the breast **milk **does. Looks like some posters didn’t notice that part.
ETA: that child is adorable, MissMossie.
You know, there could be a million reasons why the baby cried when given that particular bottle. Maybe she had gas at that moment. Maybe she was not hungry right then. Maybe she was mad because she was being held by mom and really wanted to be held by dad (or vice versa). Maybe her diaper was full. Maybe her outfit was too tight. Or hell, maybe she actually did develop some kind of taste preference for formula after one bottle of it, although personally I find this somewhat unlikely, and even if so, it’s certainly not an indicator that breastfeeding won’t work or is not a good choice or whatever.
My daughter was born on a Monday, my milk came in on Sunday. On Thursday my daughter almost ended up in the hospital getting IV fluids and under the bili lights. My sister, who also had her milk come in a week late, did end up in an ambulence getting my nephew to NICU because he was so dehydrated it was impacting his liver. His bili levels were so high he was watched for possible brain damage until he was two (he’s fine).
Although breastfeeding is great, plenty of people do fine on formula. Modern formulas are pretty darn good. A baby on formula is far better than a baby with brain damage from breastfeeding jaundice.
Have her keep trying. Remind her that post labor and delivery hormones are like Super PMS and that its perfectly natural to cry over things much stupider than breastfeeding being difficult - like the very adult tantrum I had over getting stuck eating takeout Chinese. My daughter did latch on fine after a week on the bottle, then wouldn’t take a bottle at daycare, causing all sorts of drama, then at six months rejected the breast completely in favor of the bottle. (She is almost nine now and hasn’t changed. She still is stubborn and does it her own way).
Oh, if she takes a bottle of half breastmilk, half formula, keep that up - lower the formula ever so slightly and increase the proportion of breastmilk in each bottle. Eventually, you’ll have all breastmilk. Pumping will keep the supply up (unless you are like me, I couldn’t just pump and maintain the supply - but dairy cow I am not). From there its the latching on (which MAY NOT BE EASY).
Speaking as the mother of the vanquisher of all lactation consultants everywhere, please tell your sister that her baby will be fine whichever way things turn out. She’s a lovely baby, btw.
And congratulations on your niece!
I want to edit my “have her keep trying” advice.
Support her in trying for as long as she decides to keep at it. Let her know its OK whatever decision she makes. Breastfeeding doesn’t work for everyone - and THAT’S OK. There will be - believe it or not - many more and much more important things to worry about as a parent than breast or bottle. And many many more times you don’t get to make the choices you’d like to make as a parent.
I breastfed my daughter until she was 4 days old. Nothing came out, her diapers were dry, and I was a heap of sloppy, bawling mommy on the floor. My husband gave her a bottle of formula and she sucked it dry. I then proceeded to go to the hospital at midnight because my breasts were SWOLLEN with milk, and I couldn’t feed my daughter. I got to the hospital, and was hooked up to this robot-looking machine breast-pump robotical thing. 2 hours later, it had squeezed 3 oz of milk out. I was in pain. Crying. I looked at the nurse and said, “I want to dry up… this isn’t my thing”. I went home, bought formula, and felt like a human being again.
Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I’m not the kind of mom who wanted to breast feed. Whatever the reason, everything worked out beautifully and she’s now a healthy, happy 4-year old!
It’s hard to talk reason into a new mommy. Trust me. Just be supportive whatever she decides.
Nursing is a lot harder than it looks! My first baby wouldn’t latch on for days, and my second baby latched on about 10 minutes after he was born, and I don’t think he let go for about 6 months (there’s a thread here where I was whining about it, because it hurt so bad…kid could suck paint off the wall!) But most babies figure it out eventually, and as Dangerosa says, if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. Just tell your sister to try not to get discouraged…my situation worked out with both babies, and in both cases it got better just when I was about to give up.
Beautiful baby, BTW, and I love her name!
I agree with what everyone else has said so far, especially about getting to that Lactation Consultant ASAP. Also, have them make a follow-up appointment with the LC for a couple of days later, if possible – my son had trouble latching on, and a certain nurse/LC finally got him going. Then, when we were trying it back at home again, he just snacked. We had a follow-up appointment the next day (technically, it was just a post-birth follow-up at the birth center, but that nurse was there), and it was great because he ate really well again for the LC, which seemed to cement it in his head – he ate like a champ every time after that. Still does, almost a year later!
It really probably has nothing to do with her. My son has a high palate, and was a wee bit early and therefore immature (not premature, though), and was more interested in sleeping than in learning how to eat. He was 4 days old before he finally had that first really good feed!
And it really does take about 6 weeks for it to click. I remember thinking, “Is this ever going to feel normal?” and then, when he was about 8 weeks old, realizing, “Hey… I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line I got the hang of this!”
Also, make sure she has Lansinoh or another lanolin product for her nipples. And make sure she uses it! That stuff is pure gold, and makes the whole process significantly less ouchy. (The ouchy does go away, BTW. I don’t remember when, but it does.)
Yes, I should have been more explicit about this. I decided to give it 6 weeks, because I had heard that it can take that long to get used to it. At just about the 6 week mark, the pain magically went away.
Huh - missed that part in the OP. Could be the taste of formula, though the half ‘n’ half bottle would presumably have been refused also because it was “tainted”, I’d think 
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I should clarify that I’m her younger sister, her baby sister if you use her words. I haven’t had any experience breast feeding and I doubt there’s any amount of internet research that I could do to make her take any breast feeding advice from me. What I’m looking for from you, my dear Dopers, are ways to comfort her. It kills me to see my sister feeling like such a failure.
She is continuing to pump. She’s seeing the lactation lady on Friday, I believe. She has called and tried to get an earlier appointment with no luck. She has tried calling other places to talk to different lactation specialists. Apparently its near impossible to schedule an immediate appointment with a lactation specialist in the Charlotte metro area. She has talked to one on the phone, which is where she got the idea to use a bottle for the time being.
She’s in her bedroom trying to breastfeed again right now. My fingers are crossed that it will work or, at least, that she won’t feel like a failure at being a mom if it doesn’t. Any more advice on how to help keep my sister sane would be much appreciated.