- Thou shalt not get involved in a land war in Asia.
Do or do not; there is no “try.”
- The above commandments are intended as guidelines only. Do not slavishly adhere to them while disregarding common sense and compassion, or I shall smite you big time.
- In any contest involving the four stations, and the wielding of the club and of the hands, thou shalt not designate certain warriors to wield the club alone, as this is an abomination and most displeasing unto the Lord your God.
15 Thou shalt always include the serial comma. I have spoken.
If thou art a man, and be 42 inches at the navel, and 36 inches at the hips, thou wearest not size 36 pants.
If thou art a woman and thou can pinch several inches from thy hindquarters, thou shouldst not be judged but neither shouldst thou weareth a thong.
Axe products are an offense against God and man and should be banished from the face of the earth.
Thou shall not sticketh thy dick in the crazy.
If thou coacheth the Saints, thou shalt not run a reverse on third and short, or yea verily, I shall layeth the smacketh down upon thy candy ass.
If thou provideth cable/satellite service, thou shalt not allow thy service to be disrupted during any contest involving SEC or NFL teams.
Know thee that there shall be a man, and he shall be called Nostradamus- know thee that the bitch just makes a bunch of shit up.
And know thee that there is NO CODE in this book. None. Seek it not. Not there. I the Lord am not the least bit bashful- ask thee Sodom and Gomorrah or a bunch of other people with names ending in “ites”; if I want to say something I’ll say it without anagrams or word seeks. Take thee instead the money thou wouldst spend upon BIBLE CODE books and gather unto thee lottery tickets; thou may not win anything and probably won’t, but at least you won’t have just paid money to become more stupid.
Rule 14b: Can’t touch this
XI: The Lord loveth the working man.
XII: Don’t trust whitey.
XIII: See a doctor and get rid of it.
XI: If thou be distant from the one thou most greatly love, thou mayest nevertheless show compassion and affection to the one whom chance presently places in thy company.
XIII - There shalt not be any rule number XIII
XIV - For a good time, thou shalt call Liluth (III II XII - I IX IV IV)
XV - The Lord sayeth thus, I shalt not catch any man who doth drinketh not.
“Forceth not, anything mechanical.”
Nuggan is an abomination unto the LORD.
- Baseball players play both offense and defense. Any activity that allows certain players to play the entire game on only one of these shalt not be called baseball. Note that I don’t forbid you to play it on its own merits. I merely require that you call it something else.
And don’t let me catch any actual baseball players disporting themselves in such an activity.
- I created oysters because I want you to have pearls, because I love you. They are not food, so get them the fuck out of your mouths. Honestly, it’s like having a six-month old who’d rather chew on its toys than play with them. What, are you teething?
XIII : Thou shalt not follow gods who needest starships.
XIV : If thou buildest it, they shalt come.
XV : Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
Thou shalt not casteth me in a movie lest it shall be with a Shakespearean British actor, or if it be American, James Earl Jones. Don Knotts be-eth right out, also Danny Devito, and think thee not of even considering Tyler Perry or Quentin Tarantino, but choose one whose voice is deep and manner somber, yet hath no associations with low budget crap, save it be a Shakespearean or James Earl Jones who did slummeth in the 70s for alimony.
Sampiro: I quite disagree. George Burns makes a superior deity to either of those choices.
XI: If it fucks, floats or flies, renteth, do not buyeth.
XII: Never get between a woman and a thermostat, eth.
XIII: An anti-Christ willest appear, and his name willest be Rush.
XIV: Your Commandments here – dial VVV-IIII.