I’ve just read the news article regarding the recovery of Moses’ 3rd stone tablet from Mount Sinai.
This obviously means scholars from around the world have been decoding “Commandments 11-15” and I guess they’ve hit a bottle-neck.
Primary analysis says:
11. Don't eat yellow snow.
12. Do Not run with scissors.
Can any of my fellow Dopers give me an insight as to what the remaining 3 may be?
Consultation with the pseudepigraphic Book of Croce reveals:
Thou shalt not tug on Superman’s cape.
Thou shalt not spit into the wind.
Thou shalt not pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger.
Thou shalt not mess around with Jim.
Amen. Verily, amen.
I thought 13 was “Don’t mess with the zit till it’s ready to pop.” At least it is for me.
There shall be no crying in baseball.
XIII. Thou shalt not be a jerk.
XIV. Thou shalt link to pictures of thy kittehs whenever thou starts a thread about them.
XV. Every third item shalt be “Hi Opal”.
XVI. The first rule about the smiting of the Canaanites is that nobody talks about the smiting of the Canaanites.
Number 13: “Thou shalt not speak ill of thy fellow Republicans” – St. Ronald of Reagan
Update. Those two were actually numbers 12 and 13. Number 11 was “Watch out where the huskies go.”
Slight aside: Moses came down from the mountain, and told the crowd, "I have good news and bad news.
"The good news is that I’ve finaly been able to talk Him down to only ten commandments.
“The bad news is that adultry is still in there.”
“Whistle while you work”
“It’s okay to eat chicken with your fingers”
rule 14: Don’t touch that
Thou shalt not partake of eyes of the buck.
Commandment XI: I am the LORD thy God. Thou shalt learn all my commandments before thou keepest any of them.
Commandment XII: Chisel thy name upon the top of thine tablet.
Commandment XIII: Puttest thou thine right hand into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about.
Commandment XIV: Puttest thou thine left hand into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about.
Commandment XV: Puttest thou thine right foot into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about.
Commandment XVI: Puttest thou thine left foot into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about.
Commandment XVII: Puttest thou thine head into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about.
Commandment XVIII: Puttest thou thine hindquarters into the circle, remove it therefrom, then puttest it back thereunto, and shake it all about.
Commandment XIX: Puttest thou thyself into the circle, remove thyself therefrom, then puttest thyself back thereunto, and shake thyself all about.
Commandment XX: Disregardest thou each of the commandments besides the chiselling of thine name upon thine tablet, and give unto Moses and the elders thine tablet with thy name carved thereunto. And then all who have danced the hokey-pokey must die by stones; thou shalt not spare them, nor shalt thine eye pity them, for they have broken the commandments of the LORD their God.
Commandment #0: Don’t Get Caught.
16 Put not thy trust in any woman for their perfidity knows no limit.
17 Do unto others before they doest unto you; concealest thou all thine evidence
18 Retreat not from thine position; ever must thou lie, conceal, and take no prisoners
19 Determine thou upon thy story and stick with it until the bitter end.
20 Diest thou while young from the excesses of youth and leavest behind the a lovely corpse
The last four of the five recently recovered are hopelessly illegible, due to great weathering. The eleventh commandment was deciphered, though.
First, thou shalt make a backup copy, and store it in a different location.
Tris
I thought Mel Brooks dropped 11-15 by mistake and they shattered into a million pieces.
Thou shalt take no nickels graven from wood.
13 Never draw to an inside straight
14 A half bottle in front of me beats a full frontal lobotomy
15 You’re still reading Leviticus? What part of “it was all a joke” didn’t you get?