Commercials. From annoying to just plain weird.

The BBQ Pit
61

I can’t believe I’m the first person to mention those Re/Max advertisements with the babies in the high-tech facility. The tagline: “Good real estate agents aren’t created. They’re born that way,” or something to that effect. Cut to a three-year-old girl sitting in front of a laptop with four houses onscreen. Computer voice: “Select Tudor.” The girl points at the correct image. Cut to a baby – in diapers, I believe – sitting in a big metallic landing-bay type facility.

What the fuck kind of alternative Borg universe did these ad executives come from to think that this would be normal? I mean, yeah, I know, “cute babies” is the ultimate sign of desperation, of “I couldn’t think of anything else,” in an ad campaign, but this is just fucking creepy. I shiver – shiver, I tell you.

Oh, and regarding this:

“Blind Date” is – or was, seventeen mediaseconds (half a nanosecond) ago – a very highly rated show in the college-student demographic. I mention this in case you hadn’t had a moment of feeling too damn old recently.

62

Nah, I don’t feel old about it, necessarily - if it’s any kind of reality TV, chances are I skipped it. :slight_smile:

63

There’s a new (or new to me) commercial for Office Max/Depot (I forget which), that shows a kid sitting in class. The teacher asks who the first woman in space was and calls on the kid. He fumbles for a few seconds until he hears “psst…over here!” and turns to see Sally Ride sitting at a desk in a space suit and pointing to her name patch.

It then goes on to imply that somehow all of Junior’s problems would have been solved with a simple visit to Office Max/Depot. Uh, shouldn’t he have just read his textbook? Last time I went to an office supply store, they didn’t sell textbooks.

Not only that, but in the scene where the teacher is asking him the question, you can clearly see that he has a ring binder chock-full of paper sitting right in front of him. WTF? He has everything he needs!

In this age of trigger-happy litigation, I half-expected to see a disclaimer at the bottom of the screen saying “NOTE : Purchasing items at an office supply store has not been proven to be an effective substitute for actual knowledge.”

Then there’s the perennial (un)favorite - the Dell computer guy. Would you take computer advice from some blithering dunderhead who sounds like a bad imitation of an 80’s surfer? Did their ad agency just rent a copy of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, hoping to find out how young people talk these days? If so, they’re off the mark by almost 20 years.

I can’t believe that nobody in this thread has mentioned the myraid of commercials for “male enhancement” products that are currently cropping up. One of them has washed up porn star Ron Jeremy and a bunch of washed up porno actresses sitting around in a talk show set discussing “that certain part of the male anatomy.”

The other company selling this snake oil has a commercial that’s far more deceptive. They make it look exactly like a prescription drug commercial, right down to the product’s logo with the generic name under it in small letters.

There are similar commercials for supposed bust-enhancing products for women. This is to ensure that any of America’s mental rejects, no matter what their sex, have something to waste their money on now that Miss Cleo is gone.

The best part of the ads is when the women claim their breast sizes were improved by the pill and the disclaimer on the bottom says “results not typical.” In other words, the pill didn’t make their jugs bigger. They probably just put on a few pounds and so did their breasts. That’s how it works.

Ever since I ordered the Quick Chop (and paid extra for 7-10 day shipping, only to see it arrive in a month, after all the local stores were already carrying it) I’ve sworn off ordering anything from TV. This piece of shit can’t chop half the stuff they show it chopping in the commercial! It’s junk.

64

There’s a radio commercial for the Subway six-pack that’s been driving me nuts. Two guys talking about getting together for “the game” at the one guy’s house and the whole conversation consists of them alternately saying some variation of "Hey dude, I’ll bring a six-pack. (pause) Sweeeet!!! What’s really weird is one guy always pronounces it SIX-pack while the other pronounces it six-PACK. Finally at the end the announcer comes on to give the actual pitch for the Subway six-pack.
Do people actually talk like this in some alternate reality or subculture which has managed to escape my notice?

65

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: there must be some sort of contract amongs Mercedes dealers that says their commercials have to be the worst around. There’s this new one where the guy who recently bought one prefers to just sit in his car running on and on about how great it is instead of sitting down to dinner with his wife and kids.

66

Oooh I got a couple…these make me SICK

1-Guy sits in his house and sees a weatherman saying ‘thunderstorms approaching’. He rushes out of his house to his new goadawful Lexus SUV and a covered classic Buick convertible.

HE TAKES THE COVER OFF THE BEAUTIFUL CLASSIC CAR AND COVERS THE PIECE OF SHIT LEXUS AND RUNS IN AS IT STARTS TO RAIN!!

I sat watching this with my girlfriend and told her “If I was this guys neighbor, I would go over and beat the shit out of him on principle if I saw that.”

2- Those new Cadillac commercials where they have what looks like a classic Cadillac Eldorado Barriitz cruising and a new (and godawful looking) Cadillac comes up and the two drivers give each other the once over. Then the new Caddillac pulls forward as if to take over the new spot of ‘king’.

Pardon me but- GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. That new caddillac couldn’t do justice to its former glory even if they spelled it out on the fuckin hood. Thing looks like a slimmed down version of the Family Truckster from Vacation anyway.

The idiots designing these commercials need a reality check. Classic car buffs and anyone with half a sense a style will not give their new shit the time of day if their former glory is standing next to them.

What would you rather see next to you at a light…another bullshit SUV or a sweet piece of real Michigan Iron?

67

Just remembered another one that I try to avoid whenever possible. There’s this local doctor who has been promoting his lasik (sp?) office by bragging that he did the procedure on his wife and family. What, you expect us to believe you’d let someone else work the eyes of your loved ones?

68

neutron star, I think the Office Depot ad is inspired by their current series, where they’re saying Office Depot is reliable and their people will help you.

Example: two people in an elevator. One says to the other, “what’s that song?” referring to the song playing in the elevator.

Caption: “But if life was like Office Depot…”

Cut to: two people in an elevator. One says to the other, “what’s that song?” referring to the song playing in the elevator. As the doors open, there’s Dick Clark, who tells them the name of the song, the artist, the year it was recorded, and where it went to on the charts.

Things like that. That’s just one in the series.

The ad that really annoys me now (and I’m hardly annoyed with commercials) is for Blimpie. Some of theirs now are good (like the baby who says “Blimpie”). Some aren’t. It’s a woman with a annoying Brookylnesque accent. “Hereza cloo fer anywon born befo’ nineteen aighty…dis is a Subway sub. Dis is a Blimpie Best! Ooh…bigga’. Subway smalla’, Blimpie BIGGA’!” and so on.

69

Oh yes…the question was “Who was the first American woman in space?” Although the commercial probably would be more interesting if it had 65-year-old Valentina Tereshkova in it.

70

A big “amen” to Tretiak’s mention of that “London Calling” radio ad. I’ve almost crashed my car due to diving for the volume/change-station buttons on my radio when that one came on. And I think there was a Pit thread dedicated just to this one.
How about the latest one from Verizon? (the “Can you hear me now” ads)
There’s a guy sitting in his living room, having a staring contest - or something, I dunno what the fuck - with a ferret which is sitting on his coffee table… And the guy runs out of patience - or maybe I have it wrong: maybe it’s not a staring contest but a I’ll-bet-I-can-keep-my-tongue-in-my-mouth-the-longest contest - OF COURSE, don’t we ALL do that with our pet ferrets in the middle of our damned living rooms?!!
:rolleyes:
Anyway the guy sticks his tongue out - not a neener-neener 5-year-old kid kind of thing, but rather he just sort of puts his tongue out there for the whole world - because obviously it was just so fucking unbearable to sit there, looking at your pet ferret sitting/shitting on the coffee table, while you are trying to keep your mouth closed.
:confused:
So naturally, no living-room-sitting pet ferret in the universe can stand to have a human doing that sort of thing in front of them, so it jumps up & bites/clamps-onto the guy’s tongue - sending the guy into a fit of writhing & struggling all over the room, smashing things, etc., trying to get that damn glorified parasite unclamped from his tongue -

:: enter Can-You-Hear-Me-Now-guy ::
“now Verizon™ has text messaging, for times when you can’t talk on the phone, [Can You Hear Me now, etc.]…”

:: exit entire fucking TV set, VCR, and cable box - or the latter would’ve gone too, if I actually had cable - out through pZott’s window – trailing power cords, speaker wires, & extremely loud invective from the living room whence it was launched ::

Now just what the mother fuck is THAT about? I actually don’t mind the Verizon Guy himself, but My God, I CAN NOT STAND THAT AD! I suppose it was meant to be funny in some sort of slap-stick way but I just think it’s stupid & gross and mindless.
Kn*ckers did you ever see, there was a hilarious take-off on those stupid, dreadful Herbal Essence ads, on either MadTV or SNL - with GUYS. Similar setup, you see short video clips of different guys standing in some not-their-own-bathroom kind of place, with their hair lathered up - calling out stuff like you’d expect to hear in a porno movie,
::OH-YEAH, COME-ON-BABY <groans>::
or
::<grunting> WHO’S YOUR DADDY:: (Etc., I think you get the idea.)
But finally, they show a guy who just starts doing that - and then his shoulders slump, and with a big sigh he looks down and says, Oh… darn… happened again…
:smiley:

71

The Verizon ad is interesting. I always thought it would make more sense if it was a cat that was biting him (since the announcer says “for those times when you can’t talk”), but ferrets are funnier, and less painful than cats. Though I’ve never heard anyone say “Ferret got your tongue?”

72

I saw one last night that was so jaw-droppingly awful I am still half convinced it was a parody: Guy in a big ol’ hot tub, being eyed by two cute chicks. They motion him over, and he nestles down between them in the bubbly hot water. He suddenly looks discomfited. Voice-over: "Where will YOU be when your diarrhea kicks in?"

I actually shouted “Oh my GOD!” so loudly I never did get to hear if one of the hot-tub chicks said, “Say, Barbie, does this water look kinda dark to you?”

73

I definitely agree on this one! I am so sick of this ad. It seems like they have been running it for at least the last five summers or so. Both characters are annoying, and like so many ads they just get more annoying the more you have to see and hear them.

74

**Fat, Sweaty Man:**Grrr! I lost another loan to ditech.com! Ironically enough, I lost it to my fat, sweaty mother, who bears a striking resemblence to me in a wig and a shawl! If only I wasn’t so afraid of success, perhaps my alter egos would stop foiling my attempts to hash out a living as a loan officer!

Is this repugnant indivual really supposed to represent bankers in America? Cause if so, I think I may just store my money under my mattress. I don’t need a loan if he’s the one giving it out.

[sup]Doug AB, who apologizes for the many Top Text Links this post has created [/sup]

75

What I find amazing about those commercials is that they considered the fat, sweaty banker character interesting enough for a second commercial. Was forgettable the first time around.

76

airdisc, as I previously half-mentioned, that waterpark ad is for Gateway, not Staples.

77

Which reminds me…
“Duuuuuude, you’re gettin’ a Dell!”

If I ever find that blonde punk out in the street, I’m gonna go all “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?” on him.

78

Dantheman, oh. I must have gotten the two commercials I mentioned confused. I rarely know what a certain commercial is selling, and if they make commercials worthy of this thread, then they don’t deserve to have their company name repeated here.

Oh yes, another weird commercial. It shows a family or group of people or whoever driving a Kia. Fine. Typical car commercial. Then suddenly, a bunch of ring wraiths show up. Yes, ring wraiths. So they start chasing the car down. Now, at this point I’m wondering how this is an asset for Kias. If I was buying a car, and the dealer told me “By the way, this car will make ring wraiths chase you.”, I would not buy that car. So I’m hoping that there’s a good reason for there being ring wraiths chasing cars in this commercial. Then, one of the wraiths takes off his hood to reveal some nerdy looking car salesmen. Gee, I thought that the ring wraiths were former men corrupted by the power of the Ring, not just car salesmen dressed in black. Finally, my wish is granted, and they reveal that if you buy a Kia, ring wraiths won’t chase you, but instead, you’ll get a free DVD of LOTR.

Oh well, it was odd at the moment.

79

“Everytime I hear the Clash’s London Calling being used to sell Jaguars I want to cry.”

I just saw that last night. Ugh.

Among my most-hated commercials are any of the Pier One ads with Kirstie Alley, the one with dad and daughter at McDonalds, where baby is crying and whining “I want mommy” no matter what dad does to cheer her up. Finally, he does something, and she laughs, but the camera pans over to show Ronald McDonald behind dad, doing something to make her laugh. He disappears, and you hear dad going “Daddy’s funny. Yeah! Daddy’s funny.” Like it’s the revelation of the decade. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

There’s also one that I’ve been seeing lately that sounds like a late night phone sex ad, but when you look at the screen, it’s a group called the “Credit Angels.” There are a bunch of women dressed in angel outfits, and I assume they’re offering to fix your credit, lower your interest, etc. There’s a website, but I can’t remember what it is right off hand.

80

Oops, I just now noticed, I directed my message to the wrong person. I meant to address it to mobo85, not dantheman.

My brain isn’t working today.