Commercials that you hate

I can’t stand the Stupid Couple in the Chase Sapphire ads.
Here’s the initial TV ad:

So the wife blew all their points on her sexy dress, and now they can’t go on that trip. Awwww…
In the next commercial, the Stupid Couple are on vacation (maybe she sold the dress), and they find that – horrors! – the other guests are partying and making noise. Not a lot of noise, from what I can see. So she goes off and hides (why?) and calls the card people to switch her hotel, and is scandalized that her husband is dancing with the partiers. The last shot shows them at a painfully quiet hotel pool. I get the feeling that our young-to-middle-aged couple is here really standing in for an Older Couple, who would be complaining about the noise, and those damned kids on the lawn.

The Stupid Couple (apparently played by other folks) also show up in a series of radio commercials, doing “witty” repartee that sounds like non-sequiturs and pointless compromises.

I’d as soon these people simply disappeared, hopefully by checking into a very quiet hotel far away from me.

And don’t give me that “It worked! You remembered the name of the company!” garbage. You can’t have a reasonable conversation about this sort of thing without naming the company. I don’t have one of these cards, and this advertising makes me want to avoid them, lest I be seen as a witless old person.

Jukebox starts playing “Why Can’t We Be Friends.”

“Good song.”

“Great song.”

That Lowe’s commercial with the clueless couple. The wife has a creepy fetus head (huge head in proportion to body and scrunched features. Sometimes referred to DiCaprio Noggin). If I hear, “It’s like, REALLY GREEN!” again icepick meet frontal lobe…

Zappos, with the puppets. Here’s an example of one. The puppets are skeevy and the woman sounds so incredibly vapid. I want to punch them all. Are they supposed to be the poor man’s Bluefly or what?

There’s currently a commercial on the radio where the husband comes home from the paint store and he’s joking with his wife about the silly names for paint colors, then BOOM! He crumples and dies. Turns out it’s a PSA for Diabetes awareness or somesuch. Jesus.

Pretty much every Geico commercial ever. The only exception is this one.

It’s always interesting to see the same commercials mentioned in the “commercials you love” thread and the “commercials you hate” thread. Takes all kinds, I guess.

With that in mind, I’ll say the same thing I said in the “commercials you love” thread…I hate the iPhone FaceTime ads. They are so unnatural sounding.

I’ll just repost this from a recent thread:

Here’s a new one I don’t understand, which plays on Hulu all the time: 5 Hour Energy drink. “Every get that 2:30 feeling?” Uh, no, I don’t. Who are these people that need a nap in the middle of the afternoon? Sure, maybe you have young kids or didn’t get enough sleep that night. But these ads make it seem like this is some sort of chronic epidemic, with people staggering around at their offices like the walking dead.

Any Black and White Sprint commercial with the smug guy talking about the company.

Hate these!

That McDonald’s commercial with that douchebag shit walking around blowing people off because “I haven’t had my coffee.” Fuck you, asshole. I haven’t had my morning beer yet either, but you don’t see me shitting all over people trying to be nice to me.

  • Pretty much every cellphone ad. They’re really going for broke to tug at the heartstrings now. The iPhone video talk ads are one example. The conversations are sooooooooo cutesy and poignant. Ugh. I want to tell the girl who cut her hair that it looks like shit and that her boyfriend is a lying pussy.

The other one that is sticking in my craw is the one where the guy is on the train platform, catches the eye of some chick on the train, has a premonition of their entire married life (starting with their child being sworn in as President of the United States), and decides to buy a ticket to get on the train with the woman. The President? Really, cellphone company? Why not show them winning the lottery while you’re at it.

  • The Honda ads with the cartoon guy interacting with real people. These ads just flabbergast me.

  • The rat-faced redhead from the 5 Hour Energy ad pisses me off. I hope she gets laid off.

Mr. Opportunity. Yeah, those are just creepy.

Any commercial with slurping, chomping, and other foul eating noises.

I’m looking at you, stupid ass new Blizzard ad with the parents stealing ice cream out of their kids’ cups.

Lysol Hands-Free Soap Dispensers - because your pump dispenser gets germs on the handle, and you (and your CHILDREN! Won’t anyone think of the CHILDREN?!?) TOUCH THEM!

Of course, you then wash your hands, effectively killing the germs that just got on them from the soap dispenser. For some reason, that fact seemed to elude the commercial’s producers.

Fushigi THIS!

The AT&T commercial with the bolts of orange silk rolling down the buildings. The visual is actually pretty cool, and I’d like the commercial if it wasn’t for that whiny song. The lyrics totally piss me off because they don’t make any sense, and then the song gets stuck in my head.

I searched around before I posted this and learned that it’s part of an actual song by some guy named Nick Drake, and it’s been spliced together, which is why it doesn’t make sense. (Day once dawned/and it was beautiful/Look see the sights/that you li-yi-yi-yike) Ugh. Well, it doesn’t make me like the damn commercial any better!

The ones where he’s walking around don’t skeeve me, but this one that just features a cut out of him does.
The dead eyes, man!

Bark Off.

This is the stupidest commercial I have seen since I watched the biggest dumbass who didn’t know how to use a blanket in the backwards robe commercial (Snugglies? Snookies?). It is made by idiots for idiots. I hope that anyone who buys this product based on this commercial gets their bank account high-jacked by Somalian Identity Pirates.

The good news is that if it worked, every burglar would have one.

My vote will always go to any atttempt that Quiznos has ever made to advertise themselves. I have specifically avoided eating there simply because all of their ads disturb me.