[sub]Inspired by John Corrado’s Stupid Things thread.[/sub]
I’m thinking of that anti-drug commercial.
This 40-year old guy is berating his son. He found some marijuana in the kid’s book bag or something. He holds up the evidence and yells, “Who taught you to do this stuff?” or something like that. The kid screws up his face and says, “You, all right?! I learned it from watching you!”
End of commercial, as dad reflects upon what he was done.
But I was thinking, I’d like to see an extended version of this ad, wherein the father then approaches the son and says:
“You’ve been stealing from my stash, haven’t you?” (Starts to slap the kid around). “Stay out of my fucking stash, YOU BITCH!”
I’d love to see a revision of those “I’m a teenager and I’m staying a virgin” ads.
Shot of teen girl’s face. “I’m not having sex now, because I don’t want to jeopardize my future.”
Next shot should show her getting dogged in a college dorm room by some random fraternity dude. Fade to tagline: “Don’t let some self-righteous not-for-profit organization dictate morality to you. Sex rocks. All of your cool friends are doing it.”
There’s a public service announcement against drugs where this kid is at a party being pressured to take a drag off a joint. He ends up refusing, and the passer-of-the-joint says “Whatever, cool.” I would have liked to see the kid who said no stand up, say something to the effect of “The Law always wins, infidel!”, turn into a superhero akin to Superman except with an L on his chest, rip off the other kid’s head and throw it into space toward the sun, then dry-wash his hands and say “Now that’s high.”
K the commercial where Little Johnny, along with his friend, Little Timmy, is hunting down his dad (Big Redneck Daddio)'s gun. (K i made up the names, so sue me.) Little Timmy is trying to figure out the code to open the briefcase in which the gun is kept. He succeeds, and Little Johnny takes out the gun, brandishes it, and then points it straight at Little Timmy, then fires point blank at him. Next shot: “Handguns kill millions of children…yadda yadda…”
Would have been more fun to hear the announcer dude say “If your kids are smart enough to figure out your combination code- how come they got into this mess? huh huh? Stupid minors…”
I’m waiting for the punchline commercial where some Domino’s workers, fed up with Bad Andy’s behavior, beat him over the head with a wooden pizza paddle and shove him into an oven.
I agree completely! and emphatically!
I’d like to see an AMD Athlon commercial that says at the end,
:: showing the AMD logo :: “AMD Thunderbird. Now with 300% less freaky-ass, reside in your nightmares, blue guys than that other processor.”
But I’m a huge geek, and I’ve had enough tea and sudafed to kill 3 horses, so it might just be me.
I’d like to see the extreme athletes in the Mountain Dew commercials splat into the ground like Wile E. Coyote after their bungee cords accidentally snap.
I’d like to see those mother-daughter “let’s talk about intimate feminine hygiene in the middle of the drugstore” commercials changed. In the new version, there’d be a guy standing nearby in the drugstore who asks them, “Jeez, can’t you talk about this stuff at home, you weirdos?”
I’d like to see those commercials for Playboy home videos changed so that the models stare right into the camera and announce that they’re coming to MY place right now!
There’s a Taco Bell commercial where some guy gets the new um…can’t remember the name of the item…<random Mexican-sounding word picking>: A Chicken Encharito-lupa Grande thing.
Anyway it’s a new chicken in a soft taco-thing.
Commercial show some guy getting one, sitting down to put some sauce on it and the taco-jockey from behind the counter leaps on the sauce like it’s a live grenade. He turns to the guy, and in a tone of voice so smarmy that ANY court in the Western Hemisphere would rule that bitch-slapping him was not only justifiable, but a public service, sneers “Would you at least try it before you mess with it?”
The correct response would be “F*** you, Escoffier! I’ll do whatever the hell I want to with my goddamned taco.”
I’m waiting for the punchline commercial where some Domino’s workers, fed up with Bad Andy’s behavior, beat him over the head with a wooden pizza paddle and shove him into an oven
I would pay good money to see this happen! I can’t stop giggling!
I’m off to go watch the fire in my woodstove…
I’m probably showing my age, but I recall being incredibly annoyed at the old Wisk commercials, featuring an irate husband berating his poor wife because she couldn’t get his “ring-around-the-collar” out of his shrits. I really wanted her to hand him a washcloth and suggest that he wash his freakin’ neck.
All I wanted was for the end to be a little more clear. I had to watch it about 15 times before I finally figured out the guy’s screaming “Help! Bruce Campbell’s chasing me!”