That’s how most people respond to the phrase “thank you.”
Yeah, my usual technique when that happens is to say “okay, no problem” and have a backup drink in mind–something simple, like a rum and coke–that I’m pretty sure any bar can make. Asking for suggestions is a good idea, though.
I have also had bartenders ask if I wanted them to make similar drinks when they couldn’t make me the one I wanted. I tried getting a White Russian at a wedding once, only to be told that they didn’t have cream, so they made me an Iron Butterfly instead.
Oh, and kittenblue, I have the same discomfort with paying too, but as for the purse thing, I just slip the strap over my leg as I’m sitting. Your purse is out of the way, but fairly well secured.
I don’t have any trouble ordering a drink, but then what does one do in a bar? I mean, besides gradually ingesting the liquid.
In my case regarding the playdates, I’m not scared of asking a question to clear things up, I just can’t figure out what the question should be, you know? If you have a suggestion, I’d love it!
I quite like the trend in androgynous jeans (jeans aren’t particularly gendered, anyway).
I can think of at least two of the major “low-cost” department stores here that are like that; I walk in and think “Oh, silly me, I forgot that men apparently aren’t allowed to shop here anymore”.
I don’t know how to react to your reaction.
You smile and say “Thank you,” graciously, first. Then, when he leaves, you turn to your female friend and say something like, “Where did that come from?” Or “How nice! Well, that made my day.” Something simple and low-key. It’s rude to question compliments or not say thank you properly.
I go through the parental question a lot, too. My friends know, everyone else just gets a non-comittal answer.
Having moved a hundred times (slightly exaggerated) i have been the outsider too many times to count. I hate this feeling. People are so clique-y.
I’m unsure about bars, too. It’s easy to say that every bartender should know drinks, but I’ve had to instruct tenders on what goes in a drink such as a grasshopper, which I don’t think is terribly unusual, so I generally settle for Kahula and milk. They only know like three mixed drinks. I blame the beer drinkers.
+1
I suffer from near crippling shyness in real life and I have to rely on tricks I’ve taught myself to force myself to repond the correct way socially. But they aren’t my nature and they don’t kick in instantly. Sometimes I’ll pass someone in a crowed place that I know or recognize and I’ll not respond/shut down because “they couldn’t posibly be here” or “that’s not Fred” or “I don’t remember their first name & can’t say hi until I do”. Unfortunately, this makes me a jerk.
OK, even more of a jerk.
Since when, she asked as she pondered the shape of her ass and mentally compared it to a man’s.
I agree, that seems awkward and weird. But passing along the compliment would feel worse to me: like everyone in the room knows the other woman isn’t classy/elegant, but you’re reminding Mr. Subtle over there of his omission.
In the highly unlikely chance someone were to compliment me on classiness/elegance, regardless of whether I was alone or with another, my response would be, “Hey thanks! Even with the spinach in my teeth? Yer a good fella” or something.
Not that that’s the best response either, but if his compliments are awkward and weird like that, then I’d be comfortable just dismissing them outright.
I can’t imagine such a thing ever happening to me; nor have I, The Ugly Stupid One, ever sat by, despondent, while some no-boundaries doofus slobbered all over my companion. Confronted with such crass behavior, the only proper response is for her to say, “…uh, thanks?”, turn away, and continue the conversation with her friend while making with an eye-roll. Such behavior from that guy is inappropriate and insulting and shouldn’t be rewarded or encouraged.
Depends on the bar. A Friendly Neighbourhood Watering Hole will probably have a TV showing a game, or sports highlights of the day; and will often have a newspaper or two–I’ve been known to read the paper and/or do the crossword when the game gets dull. Or, if you’re sitting at the bar, you could talk to the others who are doing the same. Once again, the TV gives you a good intro: “Didja see that play? Man, Smith really screwed up on that one!” Or there may be video or pinball games to play.
I’d probably say, “Are you more comfortable with my staying with her while she’s there or just dropping her off? I’m fine either way.” That way, they can phrase the reply without being at all slighting:
“Oh, please do stay! We’ll have coffee” or “Oh, you can just drop her off and have some free time!” or the like.
I usually say “thanks” but then add a self-deprecating comment to make the situation less awkward for me and potentially for my coworker.
The thing is is that this guy is thirty years older than I am (creeepy!) and one of those types who apologizes for some mysterious sin on the off chance you don’t flash him a Louis Armstrong smile when you look in his direction. He’s a “Did I do something to make you angry? I’m SO sorry!!!” man. So I can’t see how I can fix this behavior without it being a big annoying to-do. (I cannot wait for dude to retire already.)
Maybe I’m just overthinking this and it’s no big deal.
*Small talk. I can’t do small talk at all. This ties in to
*picking up women in bars. I’ve never done such a thing, and I wouldn’t even know how to begin. All I’d be able to hear in the background would be David Attenborough narrating…
“Today we observe the human male in rutting season. Typically males and females of the species congregate near watering holes, drinking poisons as a show of strength. Now, the male sees a potential mate. Listen as he attempts the mating ritual song…”
hey babee… hey babee…
“The poor fellow’s struck out. No breeding for this old chap today”
Ditto on navigating men’s/women’s clothing. I have often encountered stores where the first-order division of merchandise was not by gender but by type of clothing (e.g. racks of women’s anoraks then racks of mens, stacks of women’s jeans then stacks of men’s), and the information displayed often prominently mentioned material, brands etc. but not intended gender. I have even pawed through the ‘sensible’ kind of women’s underpants before finding the men’s.
Something I don’t find myself dealing well with in general is when people don’t do what I expect under the circumstances, and I’d have to break the rules myself to deal properly with it. For example:
(A) I sit at a four-person table with persons A, B, and C, being person D myself. I ordered X-soup as a first course, the others something else.
Waitress comes carrying my X-soup and asks A: ‘Is the X-soup for you?’. A answers ‘No’. Waitress asks B ‘Is the X-soup for you?’. B answers ‘No’. Waitress asks C ‘Did you order the X-soup, then?’. C demurs.
Waitress leaves with the soup, because she did not ask ‘Who ordered the X-soup’; I could not answer her previous questions because they were not addressed to me, and I could not tell her that I ordered it because after talking to A, B and C she immediately left without leaving me a time window to speak up without interrupting someone.
(B) When people stand in the way where I need to go through I just ask them to let me through. But with two people standing in the way, talking animatedly without a second’s pause, I am stumped - I’d have to be rude myself, interrupting them.
© Something I have spent a total of some weeks of my life with: at the end of a meal in a restaurant, asking the waiter for a coffee and the bill. Coffee arrives, but no bill. I try to ask for the bill, sometimes for hours, in increasing fury, but waiters walk around the restaurant avoiding eye contact - they look everywhere but at me, and I’d feel ridiculous addressing the back of their head. Finally waiter says they close now, and they are afraid I’ll have to settle now. I pay, including a tip (conforming to social norms), and emerge from the restaurant like a cannonball in hopes of catching the last bus, or making the cinema screening I had pre-purchased a ticket for.
The correct response here is, when A answers ‘No,’ is to say, ‘I ordered the soup.’ As much as I find your behaviour bizarre, I’m also bewildered by your fellow diners, who should surely indicate that it was you who ordered the soup.
There are degrees of rudeness. In this instance, I would say it’s more rude to block a thoroughfare than it is to interrupt the two people talking. So I would say ‘Excuse me, can I get through please’ in a fairly loud yet friendly tone of voice.
You seriously wait hours to get your bill? :eek: I’ll agree this can be a tricky thing, but to wait an hour or more is ridiculous!
If I can’t find my own server, I will flag down any server passing (by raising my hand, making eye contact, and saying ‘Excuse me, could I have the bill please’). If the bill is still not forthcoming after a period of time, I will go and stand by the till if there is one and pay there.
Og YES!! Many is the time I wish I brought a flare gun with me so I could get the attention of the waiter, pay my bill an get the frack on with my life. I’ve see this happen at restaurants that were swampped. Dude, you wnt to turn the table around to the next customer, and I want to pay - can we make this happen?
When my kids were toddlers, and bailing out of a restauant might have to happen in microseconds - I aked for the check to be brought with my order. I don’t have to do that any more.
Restaurants seem to be better these days about bringing and collecting the bill. When they fail I walk up to the servers station.
I don’t get what the problem is. If necessary, I will get up, walk over and talk into someone’s face to get a bill if conventional ways don’t work. They are the people who should be embarrassed by the incident, not you.