Many times i’ll hear a person isnt into getting gifts/ women not into getting flowers, etc. Its taken me decades to understand the difference between someone saying they dont “care” and someone specifying they dont like it. I’ve discovered that in some people, this supposed ambivalence is a subtle hint that they would appreciate a particular act of kindness but dont want to seem like they have to beg them for it.
My wife says flowers arent a big deal to her, but when I give them to her she is very happy (she actually saved the first boquet of flowers I ever gave her). Its an example of something she likes but doesnt beg for.
My best friend in contrast, doesnt seem to get this concept. In fact he has NEVER given his wife flowers. Now if she hated flowers it wouldn’t matter. But I think she’d love it if he put the effort, because she’d often say stuff like, “Nobodys ever given me flowers”. He doesn’t think there is any point; they dont even give each other xmas or birthday gifts to each other because he thinks its pointless since his wife doesnt directly ask for these things. I used to try to explain to him he has nothing to lose by trying, she might really appreciate it. He always dismisses this by saying they have a special relationship that isnt defined by the exchange of material objects, but I think hes just being lazy and unwittingly taking advantage of the fact that his wife doesnt want to have to beg and spell out everything nice she wants him to do for her- she acts like its no big deal but I can tell she’d really appreciate the effort.
I’m just speculating here. But I have noticed a pattern with (guys, though I’m not claiming there is a gender thing going on). People who do the bare minimum in a relationship may think they have a “unique” relationship other people find “unconventional” but I think theyre just making excuses to be lazy. I told my wife (back when we were dating) she didn’t have to do much fuss for Valentine’s. Even still, she always made the holiday sexy romantic and fun and I haven’t been disappointed. I never expected it, in part because I like surprises. Random acts of kindness are so easy to do but some people seem really clueless about it, particularly this time of year.
They don’t have to be huge ones, though. I am just as happy with a new movie (he just ordered me RocknRolla as a surprise) or a box of taffy as anything, if it’s a surprise.