I have dated an awful lot in my life. I have never received more than a single flower - no dozen roses, no lovely boquets - just the occasional single rose. Men I have dated have gone on to give flowers to their next girlfriends. So, I am thinking it must be something about me that discourages them, but I don’t know. If you wouldn’t mind answering a few questions:
Your age
If you have ever given a date flowers, outside of corsages for high school dances, that is.
What criteria do you use to decide to whom and when to give them? Is it just part of your routine? Is it only done when you’re in the dog house? Is it only done for women who otherwise seem out of your league so you are trying to butter them up? Do you try to read a girl as a feminist-type or not and take that as your lead? (I am wondering if they think I will be insulted, since I am a female engineer, so they just assume I wouldn’t be interested.)
Before anyone jumps down my throat that this is just sour grapes, I am not asking because I feel slighted or something. I don’t know that I really care. If you’re going to spend $30 or more to show you are thinking of me, I would rather have something more permanent or useful, but I don’t usually express that directly, so that isn’t why I don’t get them. This thread was prompted because a good friend just received flowers from a guy she just started dating, at which point I realized the above, and started wondering why none of the guys I dated ever did that for me. She is quite attractive, but I didn’t want to assume that is why. We are in our mid-thirties, if that makes a difference. (In other words, being short on cash, like younger people tend to be, is not the issue.)
Women, if you have any insight, feel free to post, too.
I’ve always given flowers, for as long as I can remember. The default setting is a dozen long-stem roses, but FTD has some “specific occasion” bouquets that are quite nice. I’m trying to remember if there was a woman I ever dated (for more than 1 night!) who didn’t get flowers at some point.
Nope.
Now, I try to surprise the wife with flowers on really odd holidays and anniversaries. “Lithuanian Independence Day,” perhaps, or the 3.25 anniversary of our cat’s first scratching pole. It keeps her off-balance.
Neither routine nor triggered by anything in particular. Maybe if I have reason to think she’s had a bad day. Maybe the day after a night of great sex Generally not while “dating” (early stuff, getting to know each other, etc.), more of something that happens within a relationship. Oh, and I’ve had my girlfriends give me flowers sometimes, too, which was touching Do you (the OP) do that?
Female here, never gotten the first flower from a man who wasn’t my father.
It’s always been my theory that women who don’t expect things don’t get them. Guys who don’t spring for flowers or jewelry or anything for me always go on to bankrupt themselves at the florist for the next woman, because the next woman is almost invariable (in contrast, I suppose) high maintenance and needy and expects flowers and shiny things. I don’t, although it would be nice once in a while, so they don’t give me flowers. Squeaky wheel and all.
I mean, I even find cut flowers a little depressing, since you’re basically getting a gift that’s already dying, but once or twice they would really be nice. Otherwise, you may give me the gift of bookshelves.
Woman here. When I complained to my husband that he never gets me flowers, he complained that I never get him weasels. No, really, he said that. I love my husband.
He gets me flowers at random intervals when he feels that they would make me happy. It’s always out of the blue, and we’ve sort of established that I shouldn’t expect them. I work outside the house and he works from home, so it’s more difficult now. I bring him flowers about once every three weeks, just because. But they’re cheap railway station flowers, not fancy indoor florist flowers. Because those are just wasted on him.
I don’t believe he bought his previous girlfriends flowers either. Does not seem to be a part of his makeup.
I’ve never given flowers on a first date, but I’ve given them to every women I’ve dated for any length of time.
I’ve given flowers on birthdays, anniverseries, when she’s feeling down or sometimes just because. I have also sometimes sent flowers anonymously to single women I knew, just to brighten their day.
Like most other things in life, I act on the inspiration of a moment. Flowers for no apparent reason, a stem from a street vendor just because, I’ve bought flowers for women I never dated because we were friends and they were having a shitty day. I’m also the type to hide a card or two in your luggage if you’re heading on a trip.
I’ve only been on one date, when I was nineteen, so I don’t know how much use my contribution will be but:
I once gave a friend I had a crush on (that she knew about) a couple roses as her birthday present since I wasn’t sure what else to get her. I was around twenty at the time.
I’ve also given my mom flowers at points in time although they’ve always been ones I found growing somewhere, not bought at a florist’s shop.
And, on occasion, I’ve been known to pluck a flower and give it to a friend just because I felt like it.
26-year-old woman checking in. I’ve gotten flowers at least once from every guy I’ve dated, though, oddly, never roses. My husband will bring me flowers every once in a while, for no particular reason. A male friend always gives me flowers on my brithday, which is nice.
Zsofia, I don’t think I give off a high-maintenance vibe. Maybe I’ve just been lucky enough to date the flower-giving type.
I give flowers to my wife every now and again; I try to just do it on the spur of the moment, rather than on ‘occasions’, such as Valentine’s Day - which I happen to consider the single most unromantic day of the year; we are under such pressure to conform from commerce and culture on that day that it is difficult to express genuine emotion - much better to give flowers because you have something to express, rather than just because it is expected.
I’ve recieved flowers exactly once, and it was from someone who I was about to break up with, and I think it was a last ditch act of desperation. And it was a dozen red roses, which, while nice enough, would never be my first choice. Colorful wildflowers last longer and look more cheerful. I think roses are unimaginative, but I don’t really blame guys, since they’ve been conditioned to believe that women lust for roses.
That said, I would drop dead of shock if my boyfriend bought me flowers of any kind. He thinks cut flowers are stupid and depressing (because they’re dead, like Zsofia mentioned), and he is unable to grasp that I feel differently. I even buy myself bouquets every once in a while. I actually really wish that my SO would buy me flowers because it would show that he was thinking about me outside of the context of him and his needs. Oh well.
-ZJ, who is not at all high maintenance, and possibly too accomodating
Absolutely no routine whatsoever. I have bought flowers out of the blue, for special occasions, just because I thought she would like it, to suck up, because she was sad, etc. In one conversation, my wife told me she really thought the money could be better spent, and not to feel like I had to buy her flowers because of the ‘shelf life’. Duly noted, but I still will buy her flowers from time to time. I’ll also buy her potted plants at times too. One time I brought home a hibiscus tree in bloom. That went over very nicely.
That’s what I prefer (I’m a 32-year-old female). If a guy gives me flowers early on it strikes me as trying too hard…almost insincere. Plus it means he doesn’t know me well enough to know that I’m not a big ‘flowers’ person: I like and appreciate them from time to time, but not a lot. Flowers alone will never get a man out of the doghouse with me.
I hope you don’t mind if I jump in: I have given flowers to men…two men, actually. Each one received a single rose. I wasn’t sure how they’d react, but they both seemed genuinely touched. And surprised, as neither had ever received a flower/flowers from a woman before. Got me laid pretty darn well both times, too.
It rarely occurs to DangerDad to give flowers, but it does happen every once in a while, now that he realizes I like them. Last time was because he knew I’d had a difficult day. He wouldn’t do it “to get out of the doghouse.” :rolleyes:
I probably buy them for the house (farmer’s market, $3 a bouquet!) or cut them myself more often.
I bought him flowers once, early on. He was sort of flummoxed. Now I’d get him other things.
–As for the former bf’s, one gave me single roses a few times, and one never even thought of such a thing.
I used to really think that getting flowers was a big deal, and I loved it. Then the practical girl in me emerged and I realized that the only fun part about receiving flowers was making other girls jealous at work.
I mean, they’re pretty and all, but they DIE so quickly and then what? Your poor guy spent a bunch on a fleeting intangible ego boost basically.
Now don’t get me wrong, I still like when my boyfriend gets me something, but it means a LOT more if it’s something that is meaningful and TANGIBLE. That is, something that shows he pays attention to what I like and who I am, and that he was willing to spend the time to research and go get it.
My former boyfriend knew that I liked computers and classic cars. If he wanted to surprise me, he’d get something he knew I’d been eyeing, like a new tool, or a computer book I’d been wanting.
But then, even a note left on my car gets a guy just as many “points” with me. Besides you can keep a note, and it’s personal. It really is the thought that counts. imho
Twenty-five-year-old female here, and I’ve only gotten flowers a few times. A boyfriend I had in high school brought me roses from the rosebushes in his family’s yard a couple of times a week when we were dating. Lovely dark-red roses. I appreciated them very much. It was kind of fun walking around school with a rose all day. I sometimes put them in my hair, because I couldn’t think of any other way to keep them from getting damaged.
A male friend once gave me a dozen pink roses on Valentine’s Day, when I was single and he was not. He gave his girlfriend at the time three dozen red roses and a ring, so she didn’t seem to mind. It was also very funny passing her in the quad with her vast armful that she hadn’t taken to her car yet. I was quite surprised and pleased. Roses may be a cliche, but they do smell good.
I’d rather have books as a gift though. Books get to me every time. Those cookie bouquets run a close second, though.
Well are you a girly girL? Or are you more of the tomboy type?
IF you’re the tomboy type then I’d probably wouldn’t be get’n any roses. Just because I’d feel really dorky for doing so.
BOTOH if you’re the girly girl type then I might buy you a rose or two. (I’d still feel dorky but not quite as so, because I know it will score me brownie points)
Myself:
1.) Male/34
2.) Rarely except when I was married
3.) see above…
