It may be that the guys you date pick up on this attitude, even if you’re not expressing it directly. Maybe they’re just good at reading you and what you like. If you’re contemptuous of stereotypically “girly” things (not saying that you are, just suggesting it as a possibility) men may assume that flowers fall under that stereotype.
Also, do you ever get your guys little gifts for no reason? Not necessarily flowers, but a CD they’ll like or their favorite kind of expensive beer/wine, etc.? Flowrs are frivolous, but lovely, and sometimes it feels wonderful to receive that kind of gift.
I had when I was younger, but I was told by a couple of different guys that men do NOT want flowers. So while I have not given a man flowers since I was a teen, I do try to do thoughtful things instead, like give them CDs or whatever else I hear them mention. I went to a boyfriend’s house for three weeks and he had kept forgetting to buy batteries for his TV remote. The next time I came over, I brought him some. So I try to do things to show I pay attention and care, but not flowers. I generally don’t get the same in return, though.
From the replies we have had, it seems that there are men who give flowers, and men who don’t. We haven’t heard directly from any of those men, but some women have posted saying they converted their husbands. So, the men who don’t seem like they will do so if their significant others ask them to. I would never dream of asking for flowers. It defeats the whole purpose. But Zsofia, you seem to be feeling the same thing I do. Either I am giving off a vibe I don’t mean to be, I am too low maintenance and easy to get along with, or I just don’t date the flower giving type…
Not to hyack my own thread, but I completely agree with you about Valentine’s Day.
SHAKES, you’re the first one to answer who may fall into the category I am most curious about, plus you are in my age bracket, so the perfect target audience - How would you decide if I am a tomboy or girly girl? I am something in between. As I said in my OP, I am an engineer. But I almost always wear skirts and high heels. I like romantic movies. My hobbies are things like reading, painting, and writing, as opposed to rock climbing or something. So, in your judgment, which would I be?
I don’t know - I don’t think they are picking up on my thoughts, for while CanvasShoes described exactly how I feel about them, I don’t think the gesture is a waste. I have made it quite clear that I still like signs of affection, and as I answered AHunter3, yes, I do get the guys I date little presents - on a nearly weekly basis.
We haven’t had anyone from the other side of the fence - if any men who have NEVER given flowers happen to read this thread, I would really like to hear from you, too, because apparently you would be more interested in me than the flower-giving ones. We won’t flog you - but please explain yourselves! Do you think it is old-fashioned and insincere? Do you think it is just a waste? Talk to me about why you DON’T give flowers - ever.
A heartfelt thank you goes out to silenus, whistlepig, danceswithcats, Aesiron, and ReBusEniGma, our flower-giving men who were not quoted in my last post, for your replies. I wish I could be so lucky as to have a guy like you!
When my ex husband and I were dating, he would send me white roses, red roses, and combinations of flowers to my place of work all the time. For the ten years after we got married, he not once ever bought me flowers. Flowers to him were a sign of courtship, and not ever given after the knot was tied.
Cardsfan is just the opposite, he never bought me flowers while we were dating. He will surprise me now with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for no reason other than to tell me that he was thinking about me. Or I will find a card or note laying around from him.
I think I personally, would rather a guy not give me flowers while dating if after the relationship developes that he stops. It is such a let down to be pampered and spoiled while being a girlfriend and then ignored when you become a wife.
I’ve figured it out, Thinks! You and I have just been dating each other’s guys, that’s all.
I hate recieving flowers, they remind me of funerals and seem to be the most unimaginative and impersonal giftage possible. I hate the guilt feelings I get when presented with flowers, even though I don’t appreciate them I still feel obligated to ooh and ahh and find a vase while trying to throw a few non-snarky comments about not knowing much about taking care of them because I don’t really dig flowers. Haven’t found any nice way to communicate that without sounding like an ungrateful fishwife, but I’m working on it.
The worse thing is when the topic gets brought up somehow and I have the chance to state my opinion, then he goes ahead and buys me flowers anyway.
“Oh, you’re just saying that, all girls say they don’t want flowers but they really do.” :rolleyes:
So, let’s just switch potential suitors and we’ll both be happier, m’kay?
I hate being told when I have to give flowers so my wife usually doesn’t get flowers on the traditional “flower days”. I will bring home some flowers when she is particularly on my mind and we can afford it. This year I settled more for picking wild flowers rather than going through a florist.
Aw. thanks! I do try to thank everyone who posts in my threads (except in General Questions where it is assumed…) just because I know how it feels to post something and feel like it goes unnoticed. We should run into each other around here more often - because this isn’t the first time you have said nice things about me - you said some nice things about me way back when in this thread. (although I have changed my user name since…) I see your fiancee has changed to your wife in the mean time - congratulations!
Great idea, Queen Tonya! I could use some fresh pickings! If you have an pointers, I’m all ears. I don’t think the tendency to give flowers has anything to do with the other issue we discussed a few weeks ago… do you?
That was so sweet, Aesiron! Thank you!!! You’re not a noob or a dork at all. I guess now I can’t say I have never received a dozen roses.
Thank you, too, ReBusEniGma. You are so very thoughtful, and the single yellow rose is a very appropriate gesture from a married man.
Oh, I agree, and thank you for posting - fresh picked wildflowers are at least as nice, if not better. It is NOT the money, it is the thought behind it. That you would think of your date when she isn’t around and want to show her that.
Fuji Kitakyusho - Good plan - but I am curious, do you follow than plan for all women you have dated, or only certain ones?
What Mangetout said, except that on Valentine’s Day I do usually splash out.
I got mucho kudos recently from the trouble-and-strife when I sent her flowers in work with a card that just said “No why”. All her cow-orkers now think I’m “an absolute dote” (as they say here in Ireland).
I’m 16 and never really “dated” per se but I will give my friends who happen to be girls whenever I find pretty half-dying ones. They are mostly the hand picked, wrapped in a napkin type of boquet - nothing fancy.
I’ve done that before…it really makes a splash when they get to brag about you in front of their peers. Especially if they have been ragging on their mates, and how un-attentive they are.
Thinks2Much…de nada. My pleasure. And thank you…yes, we have gotten married since that date. (Even bigger )
I don’t ask for flowers on specific occasions, but yes, I did make it clear to my husband that receiving flowers makes me very happy. He’s not a mind reader, it is something that is important to me, and so it’s only fair to him to have an insight into what makes me tick.
The conversation we had in which I complained about the flowerlessness was sort of a wide-ranging discussion of how I felt romantically unappreciated. We’d been married about three years, we were both quite busy, and I was feeling taken for granted. It was well that I could speak to him about it and make him aware of how I was feeling, while acknowledging that he’s busy, and that some aspects of conventional romantic behaviour will frankly never suit either of us.
Flowers may well be trivial or indeed undesirable to other people (it’s a matter of taste) but I really do enjoy having them in my space. I’d buy myself flowers more often but there’s never money left over from buying his bouquet, and he did specifically buy a vase for the studio he works from home in, so I get a thrill out of contributing to his pleasure in his working environment.
He is similarly open with me about his needs and desires and I accommodate them as well as I can. Asking for what I want and need in a relationship doesn’t defeat the purpose for me. It’s still special to me when he decides he wants to do something to cheer me up, and knows that flowers will do it.
This kind of communication is why my first wedding anniversary present from him was a copy of the two volume condensed Oxford English Dictionary, not, say, jewellery.
Another female POV here. I only dated one guy who consistently brought me flowers, and I think this was because the first time he did so, my reaction was so delighted that he continued in the flower-giving arena. Oddly enough, I don’t really like flowers very much. The first time he gave them to me, I was having a really bad day and my giddy reaction was more from the pleasure I got that someone was thinking about me, not the actual flowers. I suspect the positive reinforcement kept him on the flower-giving tip.
I have sometimes wondered if women who receive more flowers are people who, well, like flowers. Women who see flowers, say on the table at a restaurant while on a date, and comment on them with great enthusiasm. I don’t even mean fishing for flowers, just a genuine expression of enjoyment. It would never occur to me to comment too much on any flowers, since I’m not too focused on them, but I do exclaim over things like candy with much greater frequency, and I did in fact receive more candy during my dating days.
Heh, now in my matronly years, I never get flowers because we have a cat and that is a recipe for disaster. I still get candy even though I have requested fewer sweets due to various diet issues – but I still get a flutter when Mr. Del leaves a candy bar somewhere that he knows I will find it when he is going to be working late or on a trip.
This thread just reminded me to send flowers to the wife. She is on the opposite coast on a business trip that is taking longer than it was supposed to. Maybe a little bouquet will make it seem “not so bad after all.”
a. 46
b. Yes. Both to women I was interested in and just random friends.
c. Give them mostly because I had a garden full of them and someone (possibly me) needed cheering up. I’ve occasionally done the bunch o’ roses thing, although I prefer wildflower bouquets or something I grew myself. Roses have too much of that “big romantic gesture” quality.
I’ve had boyfriends who have given lots of flowers, boyfriends who have given none, and boyfriends who give them on occassion.
My favorite is the third. Though, the first was fun for a bit. (Three dozen yellow and peach roses can really decorate a single dorm room. Or dominate. Whichever.)
I’m not a girly girl, no skirts, female engineer, etc. But I do enjoy a surprise bouquet. I think one of my boys started giving me flowers after I got him some. (I do give flowers. So far no negative reactions.)
I have given flowers to every woman I have dated, and to my ex-wife when we were married. I like to give flowers for one reason: to see the delighted smile on her face. I would never give flowers to get out of the doghouse. I wouldn’t want to risk the reaction to flowers becoming “What did you do now?” I also make clear to any woman I date that she will not receive flowers on Valentine’s Day, but she will receive them for no reason whatsoever from time to time. I would much rather flowers be a way to say “I’m thinking of you” than “I’m supposed to give you flowers” or “I’m sorry.”
I’ve never dated a woman who didn’t like to get flowers, but if that were the case, I would stop giving them. Like I said, the whole point for me is seeing that smile.
We won’t flog you - but please explain yourselves! Do you think it is old-fashioned and insincere? Do you think it is just a waste? Talk to me about why you DON’T give flowers - ever.
