So. My life seems to have undergone a number of significant changes in the past three weeks. As a result of some of these changes, I find myself with a date Friday evening. Who’d-a thunk it?
The situation is this: we are meeting at a restaurant near where I live. She will be travelling by car, me by foot. I would like to bring a gift, but I’m not sure what would be appropriate under the circumstances. If I were meeting her at her home, I would probably go the “flowers and/or chocolate” route, but since we are meeting at a neutral location, what, if any, is the “standard protocol”?
We’ve only spoken semi-briefly on the phone and exchanged a couple e-mails, so I still don’t know a lot about her (which should allow for uninterrupted conversation, at least). As a result, I don’t really know enough about her to personalize the gift in any significant way. I know she has a dog, she works as a re-school teacher, and is kinda Goth-y (but not quite).
You could still bring her flowers. You don’t need anything too showy, just a small token. I’d recommend 3-4 white roses in paper, not in a vase. That way she can put them on the table next to her purse. It shouldn’t get in the way, and makes a nice show.
I’d vote for no flowers or gift. I think the first date should be pretty casual without too many expectations. A gift would crank things up a notch and, if it were me, make me uncomfortable. If everything goes well and there’s a second date, that’s when I think a small gift might be OK.
Depends on the person. I’m not saying a single flower would mean a “no go” but I’m actually pretty shy and have to work myself up for a date. I never really know how to graciously accept things from a stranger and I’d be a little uncomfortable. But some other women would love it. I’d just advise playing it safe and omitting the gift for the first date.
Anything more than flowers or candy might be coming on too strong. How about getting a single flower (no roses, go for something else. I personally love Stargazer Lilies , they are beautiful and smell soooooooo good!) or a couple flowers, nothing huge. You can also pick up a little doggie bone or chew and wrap some cellophane around it, tie a pretty bow or ribbon, and attach to the flowers. Make sure you EXPLAIN to her it’s for her pup since he could not join you guys. Hopefully opening up the conversation to “would you like to meet him/her?”. Women can be suckers for the thinking of the pets thing.
I also vote for no flowers, no gift, for reasons already mentioned in this thread. Besides, you don’t want to look too eager. You really don’t know her very much at all, yet.
Don’t bring anything on the first date. If you guys hit it off, you can bring something small like a single flower to the second date, but wait until you feel there’s some connection before giving gifts.
It’s not that it’s bad to give gifts on a first date, but it can send the wrong message:
Gift on first date: “I don’t know you, but please like me!”
Gift on second date: “I like you. Here’s a flower.”
Yup – another vote for “no gift.” I’d be a little freaked if a guy brought something – esp. since it’s the first meeting. Way too over-eager. (If we’d done a coffee-meet already and this was the first “date-date,” it would be significantly less weird, as Giraffe suggests.)
Count me among the “no gift”-ers, particularly for a first date with someone you don’t know (first dates between people who are already friends are compleeeeetely different). Some women like flowers, others don’t – I say you wait until you know what she likes before you get her stuff. I’ve gotten flowers on first dates, and it always strikes me as insincere (not to mention cliched): it felt like the guy was working from some kind of date playbook instead of taking the time to get to know my likes/dislikes. At which time he would learn that I’m not really a flower person.
Not getting flowers on the first date would never bother me; getting flowers on the first date will bother me most times. Not to the point where I’d automatically declare the guy “undateable,” but it wouldn’t be a good start with me.
I’ll vote no gift on this one, although it really depends on the girl. Although I don’t have the same parts as her, I think if it were me you were taking out on a date I’d see a gift/flowers/chocolate/whatever as a sign of desperation. On the first date, at least.
My thought is that a single NON-ROSE flower might not be a bad icebreaker as far as first dates go.
Do Goth-ish girls tend to like flowers? I’m getting a mental picture of her receiving it, and bemoaning the fact it isnt’ some kind of “Death-Orchid” or someting.
Darwin: “…nice to meet you in person, finally. I hoe you don’t mind that I brought a flower (self-deprecating smile here)…”
Gothy Girl: (gleefully) “No, it will look fine, once Deaths’ tender hands have embraced it’s planty life-force!”
Darwin: “Is that my mom calling? Gotta, go…sorry!”
A flower doesn’t hurt, as long as you’re fairly confident that you like her. The down side is that if she’s not wonderful, and reeks of desperation, you may have just bought yourself a painful, clingy evening.
No gift, for reasons already mentioned, but to enumerate:
Makes you look too eager (and slightly creepy).
If you don’t really like her, and she really likes you, you’ve given “stalker ammo.”
I had one of those “flowers for every occation” kind of boyfriends once. Made it really hard to dump a guy after he’d handed you roses. Which just built up my resentment.
