Yes. This confuses you?
Would you tell a kid “You suck at sports and you’re ugly”
No. But I wouldn’t tell them they were beautiful and great at sports, either. I’d instead mention how crafty they were or that I really liked something they’d written, if one of those things were true.
Absolutely. It’s a glamour shot, and she’s publicly shaming someone for thinking it’s glamorous? That entire linked article makes me want to kick her off her high horse and twice round the back paddock (and all her twitter enablers)
Grr
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It wouldn’t occur to me to look at a Facebook picture of someone plain and then take the time to say they looked good. It’s not like she was asking and you told a white lie.
Gosh, I hope your’re not a parent or a teacher or a coach. That’s just spectacularly ignorant.
Just wanna chime in that it’s really nice to tell someone who’s plain and/or self-conscious (or previously self-conscious) about their looks that they’re looking good. So long as you kept it to a nice non-sexual compliment I think you did fine. And as long as you don’t do it on every post they put up…!
After people complimented me on my looks when I got older, I realized nobody told me I was beautiful or pretty or cute or whatever when I was a kid (probably because I was average/not traditionally pretty and they didn’t want to “lie”). Looking back, I realized this is why it was extremely easy to believe the bullies when they told me I was ugly, because nobody had told me otherwise.
I feel like there are two slightly different “you look good” things going on here. I don’t think you have to boldface tell someone they look sexy, hawt, or attractive, especially if you do not actually think that, especially in a platform where it’s easy to inadvertently come off as creepy or inappropriate.
But sure, you can say positive things about how someone looks, especially because “how someone looks” isn’t entirely about whether they are essentially plain or not. “Stylish!” or “Elegant!” are things you can say about almost anyone if they look minimally clean and groomed and in clothing that is stylish or elegant. Depending on how you know the person and what your relationship is, you can also go with “That’s a wonderful look for you!” Things like “What a great picture, you look terrific!” don’t have to be about the person’s bone structure, but can be in response to someone looking they are having a good time doing whatever it is they are doing.
Although, I will add, if you are suspecting, or have been given feedback, that your commenting style is potentially being read the wrong way, you may decide to focus your comments/compliments on WHAT is happening in a way that is explicitly NOT about the person’s own physical self. Such as “What a great picture, looks like you had a perfect day for a hike!”
delphica’s post is very wise and very smart. Complimenting someone on a picture does not have to be a comment in any absolute sense that they are spectacularly beautiful. It can just mean, “Hey, that is a flattering look” or “Hey, you look happy and it pleases me to see you looking happy.”
Ok, so what exactly did you say to this person?