My kid grew up with a really tight group of friends. They were mostly jocks, so teammates and really close. I knew them all really well. I spent over a decade encouraging them, pumping them up, and building up their confidence.
They’re all Facebook friends, and they post a ton of pictures. I complimented one the other day, and later realized, wow, she’s 24. Not a kid anymore. A woman. She liked my post, but I wonder if this is inappropriate. Is it?
My daughter recently turned 25. A few of her childhood friends have friended me on Facebook over the years. Personally, I’d feel odd making first contact, but if they contact me I’m fine with it.
You’re probably just really self aware and don’t want to come off as weird. Sounds appropriate.
Why would it be inappropriate? You’re “Facebook friends”, that’s what they do. Come to think of it, that’s what real-life friends or acquaintances do when someone shows them some of their photos, even if they have to rack their brains to say something other than “Enough already!”
Unless your compliment might have been interpreted as though you still thought she was a teenager, or something creepier?
No, I just complimented her on her looks (which aren’t all that great, but it’s always been an issue for her.)
Childhood friends grow up to be adult friends. What’s odd about that?
How?
“Lovely!”=probably fine.
“Hawt!”=creepy.
Men complimenting women on their looks is so easy to be unwanted or perceived as creepy. Personally I think we should only do it in 2 circumstances - 1) if you’re expecting it to be taken the obvious way (clearly not the case here) or 2) if you have a really close relationship and you’re confident it won’t seem at all creepy.
That’s my policy whether on Facebook or not. The complication social media brings to the table is that hundreds of people might see your comment and you might look like a creep to most of them even if the friend and her close friends know you’re not.
If you’re a woman it’s really unlikely you’d come off creepily.
IMO if it would be appropriate when addressing any other adult friend of a relative, it should be appropriate in this case. And the important thing is if the addressee takes it in the spirit intended.
“Greetings, young hyoo-mon! I am fascinated by your elastic skin and robust dentition!”
I figure anything I do on FB will open me up to potential ridicule by the young’uns. If I want to tell a friend or relative of any age/gender that they look good, I don’t worry about PC type concerns such as you might have at work. Of course, realizing that anything could be misinterpreted, I’d keep my remarks brief.
You didn’t use the phrase “bodacious ta-tas,” did you?
Yeah, it’s all about how you worded it.
“You look great in that outfit” is very different from “Nice tits.”
Or something like that.
I will often say “Yowsa!” or “Hubba-hubba” to a good cheesecake pic but my friends understand that I’m weird that way.
It’s all been very understated. Just don’t want to be that creepy guy.
On the reverse side of this, I’m 42. I’m not FB friends with any of my kids’ friends (my kids are all teenagers; for one, I’m wary of looking skeevy, and for two, their friends are relentlessly inane), but I am friends with quite a few of my childhood friends’ parents, who are now in their sixties or beyond.
You’re not wrong:
That lawsuit/offense would make a lot more sense if the lady in question wasn’t… wearing makeup. I’m not saying it is overly sexualized or anything like that… I am saying it looks like a head shot for an actress…
It has been pointed out to me that the proper phrasing of the above compliment is “You make that outfit look great.”
I don’t get it – you complimented her but it wasn’t true? 