Confess your micro-crimes here

[Jackmannii]

@jtur88

I once used a pesticide in a manner inconsistent with its labeling, which, according to a stern warning on the box, is a violation of federal law.

Oh god I did this too.

Also I shot a man in Memphis, just to watch him die.

[scr4]

I once stole a used 1/4"-20 nut from work.

[joe.russell]

I do ‘K’ turns, and often turn right on red when no one is looking when its specified not to. (ive got an out of town drivers license and license plate, which I hope can help me plead ignorance).

Ive also golfed at local country club, knowing full well it was private club for members, or for out of towners, which I was not-although my id was from out of town

[Miss_Woodhouse]

I order things online quite often and shop in Oregon frequently (without being an Oregon resident.) I would like to state for the record that I keep track of every single one of these purchases, thousands of dollars a year, receipts and all so I can declare my sales tax to my state just like I am supposed to. Cross my heart. I would never confess to tax fraud on a public message board.
I will confess to bringing candy into movie theaters, though. I’d rather smuggle something in than pay those thieves five times the value for a package of candy.

[Procrustus]

Two that I can think of

–I sometimes sneak small bottles of sparking wine into the movie theaters. In fact, I did it again yesterday. I wouldn’t do it if they sold it. I’m not trying to save money, just enjoy a nice glass of wine during the show.

–One time I parked in a lot where you get a ticket and pay when you leave at a machine. Well, the machine wouldn’t read the ticket for some reason. There was no one on duty anywhere. The button for “assistance” did no good. I was trapped. Eventually, I saw another car leaving, and I raced in behind it to get out before the gate closed.

[panache45]

I brought back a small piece of lava from Hawaii. According to the natives, this is a very bad thing to do, and should bring me very bad luck. In the 25 years since, I don’t think my luck has been much better or worse than anyone else’s.

[thelurkinghorror]

@panache45

I brought back a small piece of lava from Hawaii. According to the natives, this is a very bad thing to do, and should bring me very bad luck. In the 25 years since, I don’t think my luck has been much better or worse than anyone else’s.

May the gods curse you. May every spoonfull of poi you taste turn into pink slime, and may you never eat SPAM™ without somehow wondering whether this is unhealthy. Pele has spoken.

[flatlined]

I trap neighbors cats and have them fixed. Suck it up idiots who let their intact cats roam around!

I also take my late library books back and drop them in the box instead of fessing up at the check in counter. Half the time, I don’t have to pay that 10 cent per book fine

[Rigamarole]

Hmm, the trick here might be stopping at the level of “micro”.

• Illegal U-turns? Check. Pretty often.

• Other various probably illegal, probably at least slightly dangerous/risky traffic maneuvers, like intentionally driving over a small, flattish median divider instead of making some ridiculous circuitous loop to get the way I need to be going. Or running a red light at a small intersection at 3 AM when there’s not another car remotely in sight and I’ve been sitting at it 20+ seconds (smart lights are a thing now; they really ought to be everywhere).

• Keeping and using my student ID to get student discounts at movie theaters and other places that offered them for years after graduating.

• Once I found someone’s lost phone, and I did dutifully end up returning it to the owner. But to my surprise, it wasn’t locked, and I admit that I looked through the pic gallery first to see if she had any naked pics on it. There weren’t any.

[carnut]

@excavating_for_a_mind

I wish they would put THAT on the tag. Decades ago, in the '60s, my father bought these 3’x3’x2" vinyl cushions. I was 6 or 7 years old and would kick these cushions around a lot (we had a linoleum floor and they would really spin if you kicked it right). One time, I kicked one while I was standing on the tag and tore it off. I was scared, I mean really scared. So scared I couldn’t tell anyone about it. I tried to tape it back on, but it didn’t work. Under Penalty of LAW.

I still feel a bit uneasy about it.

The furniture I have removed tags from say:
DO NOT REMOVE TAG
EXCEPT BY CONSUMER

You’re the consumer.

[HoneyBadgerDC]

@panache45

Evidence of what . . . that you’re a cheap bastard who didn’t buy enough paint? And a thief? You did it to “get even” with the store, though the inadequacy was your fault, not theirs. That was not a “micro-crime.” No wonder the store went out of business.

Talk about stupid? You made an awful lot of assumptions. I bought premium paint. Any other store would have issued a store credit with no questions asked. Not enough paint, I used 4 coats of paint and still had to buy a different paint to finish the job. 2 coats of medium priced should have covered those walls fine. No store that I have ever dealt with before r after would not have honored that, the paint was simply lacking in pigment and no good. Get even?? Hardly, I just didn’t want to get fucked, I was already screwed for the labor.

[bubba001]

@dada2fish

When the new Thunderbird convertibles came back into product, I was on the low end of the hierarchy slinging car parts. My boss sent me to drop something off at an office near the T-bird storage lot.

Mind you, none of these cars were sold yet, we had only just begun production.

I made the drop off at the office, snuck outside to have a cigarette and admired the couple hundred T-birds parked near me. There were some inspectors walking about, checking cars, taking notes & driving some of the cars around. “Man! I’d love to take one of those T-birds for a spin!”

~light bulb above my head~ I found a clip board and pencil, walked with a bit of confidence and authority like I was someone you wouldn’t dare question, quickly hopped in a seafood green beauty and took off.

At the time, this auto plant I worked at was the largest company plant by square foot in all of North America. There is a road that circles completely around it with hilly parts, zig zags and hairpin turns for test driving.

The car had .78 miles on the odometer when I first got in.

Yes, I was technically still on company property so I didn’t steal it, but I was not authorized to drive vehicles outside the plant walls. if I’d have damaged it I would’ve been demoted to some crap job and who knows what else.

Also, when I fly, I’ve hidden illegal things in my luggage to imbibe in while on vacation.

You worked at the Wixom plant?

[apollonia]

@HoneyBadgerDC

Talk about stupid? You made an awful lot of assumptions. I bought premium paint. Any other store would have issued a store credit with no questions asked. Not enough paint, I used 4 coats of paint and still had to buy a different paint to finish the job. 2 coats of medium priced should have covered those walls fine. No store that I have ever dealt with before r after would not have honored that, the paint was simply lacking in pigment and no good. Get even?? Hardly, I just didn’t want to get fucked, I was already screwed for the labor.

Cool motive. Still theft.

[Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge]

Last night I stole a towel from the locker room of a country club I was a guest at. I don’t even know why I did it.

[HoneyBadgerDC]

@apollonia

Cool motive. Still theft.

That is why I confessed it on a confession thread!

[apollonia]

Shoplifting four gallons of “premium” paint is in a different category from “I took some extra sugar from the coffee shop” or “I took the tag off my mattress.”

[timoai]

I used to stage these fights with my brother when we do the chores, so that none of us would do it.

Looking back, it wasn’t really something I should be proud of… lol

[HoneyBadgerDC]

@apollonia

Shoplifting four gallons of “premium” paint is in a different category from “I took some extra sugar from the coffee shop” or “I took the tag off my mattress.”

The paint was purchased and it was defective paint. The shop lift was another item to make up for the defective paint which the store would not stand behind.

[Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge]

@HoneyBadgerDC

The paint was purchased and it was defective paint. The shop lift was another item to make up for the defective paint which the store would not stand behind.

Sorry but you are massively in the wrong here. This was no “micro crime.”

[HoneyBadgerDC]

@Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge

Sorry but you are massively in the wrong here. This was no “micro crime.”

Well, my boo boo, I guess I should have not confessed it here. Thank god for the statute of limitations.