I learned early how to re-gap a sparkplug just enough that the mower wouldn’t start - “Mom, the stupid mower won’t start again!”. It got me out of mowing the grass for at least one day each time. Dad was a mechanic so I’m sure he figured out what was going on after a few times, but he never let on. Sometimes, if he thought the ploy was clever enough, he’d let me slide. I guess he was a young boy once, too.
My mini-crustacean crime: Years ago I stole a plastic lobster decoration from Red Lobster and used it to decorate a catering table at a workplace event. As penance, I leave a generous tip whenever I eat at RL.
Of more recent vintage, I forged a receipt for a conference I attended so I could get reimbursed by the college (it was for exactly the conference fee, no padding). The conference peeps were so disorganized they didn’t send a receipt, despite my numerous requests; after four months I gave up and committed my micro-crime.
Speaking as a person who has to enter travel reimbursements for others, I both approve and forgive you!
I thought I had already posted this, on this thread – but apparently, not so.
Aged twelve, in the course of a disagreement with my brother (seven years younger than me), I bit him – and subsequently, with his accusing me to our mother, I lied to her about the offence, and she believed me.
Half a century and more, on – my brother is an excellent guy, and we are on the best of terms with each other. I think now and again, that when he and I are together and drunk out of our brains (a rare happening, with him being an abstemious sort), I’ll tell him of the biting episode, and crawl on my belly to apologise – whereupon he’ll tell me that he has no memory whatever of the happening, and will say, “forget it – between humans, shit happens”.
Yay! I partly did it to get the pending reimbursement off our admin asst’s docket. 
The labels on mattresses that say, “Do not remove under penalty of law”; well, I cut mine off. Fuck 'em. 
I’ve been very lax on following the SDMB Facebook page and posts on it. I think I might have even “unfollowed” them. :o
Lays. You can’t crush just one.
Do inadvertent micro-crimes count? The other day I got home and there was a piece of haddock filet in my bag. Must have been left over from the previous shopper and the bagger put it in my bag instead. No way to give it back to the rightful owner, so it’s one bit of micro-guilt I’ll carry with me to the grave.
Speaking of which – many years ago, I organized a picnic for an organization and afterwards, I ended up with a couple of cans of unused mosquito repellent that technically belonged to the organization and not me. Decades later, and many hundreds of dollars donated to that organization and I still feel like I should somehow have compensated them for those cans of mosquito repellent.
Of course you realize this has been mentioned like 6 or 8 times already in this thread, right? :rolleyes:
Y’all know that “Million Burger Giveaway” that Jack in the Box just had?
Welllll, technically, each free double-cheeseburger coupon was only supposed to be used once. I, however, took it upon myself to redeem the coupon at what had to have been a solid majority of the Jack in the Boxes in my (quite large) city. One free burger per location. I even forwarded the coupon to the guy I’m seeing, and had him use it when we did a JITB run. Two free burgers for me from that location that day (he didn’t want a burger; he ordered something else).
No regrets.
No, I confess I didn’t read all 130 plus posts before I responded. So I guess my previous post is now my biggest micro crime.
Oh (and not surprisingly), I never read all those multi page terms of service agreements before I click “I Agree”. Dust off the electric chair.
I’ve been working at the same job for about ten years. On the very first day my supervisor was doing the typical intro/going over everything, and as part of that I asked “And how long do we get for lunch? An hour?” He nodded his head and said “Yeah.” and then kept on with whatever he was talking about.
A year or two ago, management sent out one of those gentle-reminder emails about work expectations, because people were playing a little fast and loose with the dress code and what-have-you. One of the bullet points in that email was basically “Lunch break is 30 minutes.” I had no idea!
I usually still take an hour.
Not reading a whole thread is a micro-misdemeanor at worst. But I’m pretty sure that failing to properly use ctrl-f before posting counts as a micro-felony. 
At the end of my work day there are items which are supposed to be discarded. Sometimes I bring them home.
At work, I have received a couple of cases of free detergent samples addressed to a doctor who used to work here. I took them home.
That could be a cool perk or really creepy, depending on where you work.
Thank God, right. Otherwise Bill Cosby might be in trouble.
I haven’t been able to drink commercial soda in years, because it bothers my stomach. But boy, do I miss Coke.
Once in awhile, at a fast food joint, I’ll dispense a tablespoon or two of Coke into my water cup and savor it blissfully. Only when no one is looking, of course.
Have you thought about one of those home soda makers? A coworker has one and said it’s not the same as commercial soda but it’s pretty close and still pretty good.