Congratulations! You're no longer a Jew!

I do not understand the fine details of all this, but it seems the Israeli parliament is about to toss most American Jews out of the club. Not quite Jewish enough enough it seems. Also your rabbi will soon no longer be kosher.

To quote; American Jews will soon find
that their rabbis weren’t rabbis and their religious practices were a sham, the conversions of their parents and spouses were invalid, their marriages weren’t legal under Jewish law, and their progeny were a tribe of bastards unfit to marry other Jews.

Wonderful, nothing like mixing religion and politics to mess both of them up.

Idiots.

So, think that the US Jews will stop supporting Israel financially and politically? Think that we will no longer do any form of military support? How long do you think they would last if we removed all US civilian and military support from Israel …?:dubious:

I’m no Jew, but from that story it looks to me like they are well on the way to destroying whatever authority they have. Instead of the majority of Jews shrugging their shoulders and agreeing they aren’t Jews, I expect that they’ll just decide that these people don’t have authority over them. I mean, what would happen if the Pope suddenly declared that 85% of all “Catholics” suddenly no longer qualified as Catholic?

I would think this should be the case, especially as seeing how most native-born Israeli Jews (AFAIK-IMBW) aren’t even really observant, let alone Orthodox in the slightest. I hope this is the beginning of the end of the ultra-Orthodox’s special treatment in Israel.

About time.

Secretly running the world can’t be for everyone, you know.

Actually that kind of did happen, except the Pope just had to threaten to excommunicate one very powerful man. He wouldn’t grant Henry VIII an annulment and voila! the Church of England was born!

I guess it’s true that there aren’t any Jews in America, just a lot of Jewish people.

Also known as the “Screw you guys, I’m taking my ball and going home” school of religious schisms :p.

Will a rabbi be soon nailing a letter to a door?

Ah phooey~ Now 1054, on the other hand- THAT was a Schism!

Unusual sects lead to schisms all over the place.

I seem to recall something similar happening back in the 80’s while Menachem Begin was prime minister

But it’s okay if I still eat like I am, right? Cause that crap the goyim eat would bore me stupid.

I gotta say, this is really bonkers, especially if it means what I think it might mean for the Law of Return. Which is that one of the fundamental pieces of Israeli legislation, one which allows Israel to serve one of the primary functions for which it was ostensibly created as an independent nation, allowing all those who were persecuted because of teir ethnoreligious identity to have somewhere to live freely as equals, is now in shreds.

Someone please tell me I’m wrong, with cites.

Admit it, you really want to know how good bacon is, don’t you?

Bacon cheeseburgers all around! One for everyone! No pushing, please. There’s enough shrimp cocktail appetizers for everbody.

I don’t recall who it was, but in one Israeli election, on the subject of Orthodox vs. Conservative Judaism, a candidate declared ‘The synangogue I don’t go to is an Orthodox one!’

No true Jew would find anything objectionable in this. :dubious:

I see what you did there. Nice.

I knew there was a jizz joke to-be-made in here, but…alas you were too quick for me. Congrats.