Console Gamers Suck!!

The BBQ Pit
1

I just gotta say it. They really frickin’ suck. Consoles suck. The people who own them suck. The people who make games for them suck. Basically, the whole lot of those people suck. Big fat donkey cock the size of the Texas panhandle.

After seeing below that the new Blizzard game, a SC sequel, is being released only on consoles, I have finally had it. Those ignorant fcking console gamers, a bunch of pot-smokin’ pizza delivery boys, are ruining the universe for us regular folk. Fck them all. Fck their Shit-Box, fck their MasturbationStation2, fck their Yanktendo Dolphins, and fck their CreamDreamCast. F*ck every single lame-ass thing about the lame-ass drunks and druggies that own these piece of shit cocksmoking bits of assvomit electronics.

Console gamers are the lowest of the fcking low. They ain’t just the bottom of the barrel. They ain’t just below the bottom of the barrel. They don’t fcking deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as barrels. They’re the worst fcking bunch of future a**-raped prison bitches that ever walked the fcking earth. Fck them, their uncles, the dildos they get off with, their goddamn pot pipes, their bongs, their subscriptions to Shit-Box magazine, their beer-stained sofas, and fck goddamned Morrowind and Halo and Bill Gates.

Fck the ignorant consolers who made Lara Croft a famous name because they couldn’t fcking stop spankin’ it to her. Fck the stupid SOBs who allow that sht-faced moron Madden to keep signing his name and his inane ramblings to a football game each year. And f*ck these no-class losers who thought the soundtrack to Castlevania:Symphony of the Night was the pinnacle of classical music.

Console gamers can suck a fat dck, their piece of sht gray boxes can suck a fat dck, and the a**-licking morons who make games for these fcking platforms can take a stiffy in the a**. Console gaming is to real gaming what metal is to punk, a labotomized bastard son. Screw you all, console people!!

2

So, you are saying that you don’t like console games?

:slight_smile:

3

Yes but you never said why…

4

So what is real gaming then?

  1. Waiting for the game to install?

  2. Having the game take up a couple gigs of valuable hard drive space?

  3. Getting past that really hard part only to have the game crash on you before you can save?

  4. Buying a video card that costs as much as a state-of-the-art console just to get the games to run at full speed/resolution?

  5. Repeating step 4 every one to two years?

  6. Having your game slow down at random times when the CD-ROM has trouble reading the weak sectors on a copy-protected SafeDisc 2 game?

  7. Playing your game on a 19-inch monitor instead of a 35-inch TV?

  8. Installing patches whenever the inevitable bugs crop up?

  9. Being somehow better/smarter than the “lameass drunks and druggies,” because not only do you have the superior intellect required to click the “next” button five times to install a game, but, once installed, you are also able to locate the game in the Start Menu?

RexDart, your rant sucks. Not only did you pick a meritless subject, but it’s almost like you were trying your damnedest to throw in as many dirty words as you could. And then you go and edit yourself, even though this is the Pit. Shit, you have over 400 posts and still don’t know that you can swear in the Pit?

These offenses are grave. As such, the punishment for them shall involve you being locked in a room with nothing but two cases of Natural Light, an Atari 2600 with Missile Command, and the nastiest Mexican ditch weed I can find.

5

How can you call yourself a video gamer and say that consoles are -trash-?

Video gaming -started- with consoles! Or at least–it was consoles that popularized them. While you were sitting at your computer playing ‘Quest for the Crown’ with it’s spiffy, 4-color CGA graphics, I was opening my eyes to the wide world of Atari…with it’s hundreds upon hundreds of licensed and unlicensed cartridges…some good…some bad…it was like a gamble every time!

And then thereafter…the golden days of my youth…when the NES was released. Who could forget the Nintendo Power tie-ins? All the great promos…those wonderful, glossy pages from a magazine produced in-house, so there was never -anything- remotely negative published in it…it gave off the perfect illusion of everything being perfect. And it felt that way, too!

And how -dare- you insult my Castlevania! The very first Castlevania–with it’s blocky graphics, somewhat unprecise control, and insane difficulty…was still forgiven because it had -class-. It had more playability in one single line of code then every craptacular Commander Keen title rolled together. And the music? Simply -marvelous-! Everyone knows that some of the best electronic jingles from video games come from the console titles.
From the very first Castlevania–through Symphony of the Night–I treasure every single track. From every remix of the old classic themes, such as ‘Vampire Killer’, ‘Bloody Tears’, and ‘Theme of Simon Belmont’, to such wonderful pieces in that Symphony you so loathe…the wonderfully smooth ‘Wood Carving Partita’. the delightfully ominous ‘Festival of Servants’…These are what make good soundtracks. The NES was able to do more with it’s square and sawtooth waves then the shitty, monotonous CPU speaker was capable of producing. It’s only recently that they’re starting to hit a somewhat equal ground.

A true video gamer must love -all- video games! Regardless of console, computer, arcade, or handheld.

Hang your head in shame!

6

“Console gaming is to real gaming what metal is to punk, a labotomized bastard son.”

you shoulda started the rant with this so we could stop reading sooner.

i give it an 8 for zest but take away 7 for being completly bonkers in the coherency department

7

It’s not the people who play the games, Rex. It’s the developers.

Besides, it’s most likely that they’ll port your precious StarCraft: Ghost over to PC six months later, with extras and bug fixes galore. Blizzard’s been multiplayer-friendly all these years, and they won’t want to miss out on the gigantic market.

::walks away whistling the ‘Mario Bros.’ theme::

8

Poor people are so cute when they’re angry.

9

I was under the impression that Laura earned her wings on the PC.

Marc

10

Well, Rex, feel free to suck the shit out of my asshole and call it chocolate, buckaroo, because you’ve already got enough crap spewing out of your mouth. Methinks you should get over this inferiority complex of yours.

Ahhh… I like knowing that a $200 console will outperform a $800 PC…

And, yes Marc, Lara Croft was put on the PC long before consoles came along. She was ported to the PSX because the PC made her popular. I wonder… does that mean that it’s the PC gamers spankin’ it to her? There WAS the nude patch, after all…

11

What, with the nude patch and all?

  • KKB, who can’t stand the TR franchise
12

I don’t understand the dichotomy here. Most people I know who are console gamers play as much, if not more, on their PCs. I look for completely different things in a console game. I play my strategy and simulation games on PC where I don’t have to buy an extremely expensive system to keep up; I play the graphics-heavy or bulky RPG games (or those, like the Mario and Zelda games, which work much better with a controller than a keyboard, joystick, or mouse).

Consoles are our video game history. If it wasn’t for the Atari 2600 and the NES, the video game industry on PC wouldn’t be nearly as beefy as it is today.

Honestly, amigo, take your pills. I’ve been a console gamer since I was 10, and I own at least 6 different console systems (that’s without an X-Box, PS2, or GameCube in the mix). I’ve never played Tomb Raider in my life, let alone pleasured myself at the thought of Lara Croft. Just because you don’t get your way doesn’t mean that those of us who have what you don’t are somehow awful human beings. It won’t kill you not to get the game you want instantly. It will probably be ported eventually after they make their little pile of money. Patience.

13

::raises hand:: I’m one of 'em. Love our Xbox, but 90% of my play time is on my computer. I guess I’m just one of those, y’know, rational people who’s capable of seeing the pros and cons of both?

14

Like Mac Vs PC
<d&r’s>

15

What’s wrong with spanking the monkey to images of Laura Croft? Heck, sometimes in my more sick moods I think of Gadget from the Rescue Rangers. Maybe I typed to much…
Marc

16

That’s always MY favorite part, yes. I’d hate to have to choose between a console and my computer, though. Playing Zelda just isn’t the same on a computer.

17

Once. And then loading times are usually much faster than reading it off a disk.

Like I’m doing anything else with it? :slight_smile:

At least a PC has “a couple gigs of valuable hard drive space.” Also makes saving games a lot easier…

Rarely happens, fortunatly. That’s what “quicksave” is for, on the rare occasions it does happen. Plus, when PC gamers find a bug, we can get patches to fix it.

Less, actually. And they’re running at better resolution, to boot.

More like every 4 years here. Isn’t that about how often new console systems come out? Not that they’re so state-of-the-art by the last half of their reign (From what I’ve seen, my fairly inexpensive PC already has better graphics than the PS2. shrugs).

Never happened to me. See, we can tweak PC performance to make sure it doesn’t interfere with the games. And if you ever have a problem with it, you can get a CD crack to neatly bypass the problem.

Which you sit closer to (Filling more of your vision) and has a much higher resolution. Then again, one of my friends is thinking of combining his monitor with an old non-functioning projection TV we got for free… :slight_smile:

Being able to fix problems if they come up. Most of the games I’ve gotten recently work just fine without patches, no real noticable bugs. Plus, patches often add nice new features. Oh, and expansion packs, which can cost a lot less than the original game, but with nearly as much. And mods. Etc.

And while we’re on it, all the other things you can do on a PC. Word processing, graphic editing, 3d computer art (I even earn an income with it), easy internet access, keeping music and videos on the drive to watch, email, ICQ (cough message boards), downloadable freeware/shareware games and programs, etc. Hardware like CD (Or DVD) burners.

Oh yeah. Sims. Appart from racing (Maybe?), I havn’t seen any sims for consoles. And I like sims. It’d be almost impossible to run a game like Flacon 4 on a PS2. Hell, my friend was talking about the number of button combos for Wing Commander, and that’s just about an arcade game! Even Steel Beasts would have problems fitting in the console controll sceme…

Might end up getting an X-Box eventually, though :slight_smile:

I don’t have anything against consoles, but my PC does what I want better than a console does. Consoles play games, my PC does that and other things I need to do, too. My friend got lucky and didn’t have to worry about how to split his money; He bought his PC, then won a PS2. Lucky guy.

18

Games that are best played on a computer: first-person shooters, strategy/sim games, and text adventures. That’s about it.

The great thing about consoles (besides a standard hardware platform) is that developers squeeze more performance out of them. New PS2 games look much better than old PS2 games because the developers came up with new techniques.

Contrast that to the PC world - every step forward since Quake has been driven by better hardware, not programming ingenuity. Why spend months coming up with clever new algorithms when you can just target next year’s hardware and make your customers buy new video cards?

19

I attempted to solve your little anagram, RexDart, but the * was mostly a “u”, but then it became a :i" and an “s”.

Oh, it was a rant? It blew.

20

Sims is coming out for the PS2 in November.

As for the rest… think what you want, but honestly I don’t see that one is better than the other. They both have their strengths and weaknesses.

Of course, you don’t have to be such a jerk.