In that case, “in my purse - why?” (and possibly adding “do you need them?”) would have solved the problem without the resulting game of 20 Questions and been proactive to boot.
Using the rules-lawyerly method of “I will only answer the exact question asked and not attempt to assist otherwise” reminds me of friends in college who would answer a question that gave two alternatives with “Yes.” (Example: “Would you like to see that movie now, or later?” “Yes.” seethe) They claimed it was because they were computer science majors and responding appropriately. I claimed they were being (generously) smartasses or (not generously) passive-aggressive.
I have a fairly broad sense of humor, and often, my default reaction to novel information is to chuckle. Because something amused me.
I have a friend who responds to every goddamn one of these chuckles by saying “What?” in a playful tone, so I am forced to answer each time “I’m just amused.”
I totally do this. In my defense, I only ever do it when the answer is “both” and never for questions that are obviously either/or. I may have to work on breaking the habit.
Where are your car keys is not a vague question. Almost everyone I just polled, understood that the “asker” wants the keys but does not want the “asked” to get it for them. Seriously, why else would someone ask where something is-- to take inventory?
I need to use your keys for something and need information you have to find them
Are you also the same annoying person that responds to “Hey can I see that wrench for a moment” by holding it up in front of you, and not handing it to the person?
No, but I do get the feeling that when your wife talks about this exchange her take on it goes more along the lines of you being too dumb/unobservant to look for her keys in her purse where she always keeps them, or for her purse in the place where she keeps all her purses, or to realize that since she’s been carrying the black alligator for the past 3 weeks, that’s a good one to start your search with.
Also, “Where are your keys?” is decidedly not the same question as “Where did you leave your keys?” I cannot promise that someone hasn’t had/used/moved something I last had/used it, so it may or may not be where I left it. My dad does that to my mom all the time, and it drives me nuts to listen to it.
“Honey, where are your keys?”
“As a rough guess, I’d say wherever you left them when you borrowed them yesterday. You were supposed to put them back in my purse.”
How about using what you know about the other person, the circumstances, and the world in general as context for answering the question? I mean, that’s how human communication operates. Do you really expect every question to be explained in detail as if we were programming a computer?
I’m starting to have a little trouble with this because: A) I don’t recall anyone ever having to ask for my keys and B) I don’t keep them in my purse. (I had my purse snatched one time but my keys were in my hand. I was able to get home, into my apartment, and cancel all my credit cards. I will never keep my keys in the same place with my other valuables at the same time, ever.)
So, no, I am not the kind of person who holds up an object that someone has asked me to see. I just don’t see why “in my purse” is the incorrect answer to “where are your keys”? Because, based on what I know about the other person, the circumstances, and the world in general as context for answering the question, anyone who would ask for my keys would know where my purse is and which one I was carrying at the time. “Where is your purse so I can find your keys” would be a more clear question, IMO. “Oh, it’s on the bureau in the guest bedroom, under your dirty boxers.”
Another alternative might be “Hey, can I borrow your car?” To which, I would reply, “Sure!” and hand over the keys. I don’t make people go on a treasure hunt when they have asked to borrow something. Also, my SO would never go pawing through my purse. If anything, he would bring it to me and ask me to fish the keys out for him. Which he has done with the phone. “Can I borrow your phone for a second?” “Sure” And then I hand him my phone. Actually, I have a smart phone and he doesn’t, so I open the phone app for him so he doesn’t have to stare at all the little icons to try and figure out how to make a call from my fancy tricksy phone.
So, seriously, I think “Where are your keys” would be met with “Why? What’s wrong with yours?”
My husband likes to play devil’s advocate, all the freakin’ time. There’s sometimes that I’m not even sure what position or opinion he holds because he just likes to play opposites so much. (This frequently leads to **Snickers **getting all stabby.)
Just last week we had a discussion about Saudi Arabia and the practice of veiling there. It got to the point where I had to say, “Yes I’d wear the veil/abaya because if I didn’t they’d kill me. I don’t want to die, so yes I’d wear it. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t wrong.” Yes, Mr. Snicks, I realize they have different cultural practices than we do. That doesn’t make these practices acceptable. It’s still wrong, regardless of how many people “practice” (or rather, are forced to) do it.
Sorry, I guess I’m still hyperventilating about this one. Anyway, irks me. The fun part is that when I play devil’s advocate to him, it absolutely drives him nuts. (I don’t think he’s yet realized that the few times I do it, I’m trying to make a point.) Wow, he’ll get angry. Oof.
Yeah, you picks your battles. The rest of him is totally worth it.
Sometimes Mom would ask Dad something, Dad would answer and she’d say “I don’t know why did I ask you, it’s not as if I couldn’t figure out what would you say.”
“Hm… you like the sound of your voice? Or you know that if you don’t ask me, even if what you do is exactly what I would say, I’d grumble? Either/or :D”
And then she wonders how did I reach the belief that they never disagreed But yeah, what I took from your first post was completely different… it’s putting down your opinions, not saying “geegolly, amazing how we’re still in agreement about something about which we’ve agreed for decades.”
I was going to post this about my wife. She does this all the time.
“Have you seen the scissors?”
“Are they in the drawer?”
Which is where they usually are, so it’s obviously the first place I would have looked, but they’re not there, which is why I asked. I don’t want to play a freakin’ guessing game, just answer yes or no.
And I hate to say it but she is a horrible story-teller. When she starts to tell me a story about something that happened at work or whatever, she will throw in so much background information that my eyes start rolling back in my head wondering when she will finally get to the point. But if I act impatient and try to get her to move it along, then I’m being rude.
Really? It takes me a minute to think about what purse I might have carried yesterday; I certainly don’t expect my husband to know that, much less where it is.
And I guess I’m lucky, in that my husband and I do not even touch each other’s keys. The only time I think he’s ever touched my car keys is if I drive the car to pick him up at work, he takes over the driver’s seat when he gets in, and gives me back my keys when we get home. I think I’ve picked up my husband’s keys once or twice.
Not everyone changes purses for every outfit. I carry one. When that one starts wearing out or I get tired of it, I go get a new one and carry that one around for XX months. I try to go for a neutral like black leather so it’ll pretty much go with anything. I think this is another reason why I’m having trouble with this discussion. There is only one purse in operation at any given time and my keys are not in it; they are on the hook on the wall.
Can you not imagine a situation in which the reply “it’s in my purse” is ambiguous? There have been several examples offered in this thread. Don’t fight the hypothetical.
My mother may change clothes these many times, on a given summer day:
from bedclothes into houseclothes,
that to street outfit #1 to go to Mass, carrying purse #1,
change into street outfit #2 to go to gym (Pilates and/or water aerobics), carrying her keys in a trouser pocket and also carrying Pool Bag #1,
back home and into houseclothes,
street outfit #3, with purse #2, to go to the masseuse,
street outfit #4 to go to the pool with the grandkids and daughter-in-law, purse #3, Big Bag #1 and Pool Bag #1,
back into house clothes
and again her nightie for bedtime.
Small wonder that sometimes she needs to call me on the phone to have me guide her through a step-by-step search of “where did I put the keys” or “what have I done with the wallet I was using (out of five possible ones)” or “I can’t see my glasses!” If someone like that answered “Mom, I need to pay the postman, where is your wallet?” with “oh, in my purse”, that someone would be asking for a beating.
Exactly. The cited example led the seeker to find multiple black purses in the same location. Saying “but I only have one purse and hang it one place” does not match that example.
But yeah, what I took from your first post was completely different… it’s putting down your opinions, not saying “geegolly, amazing how we’re still in agreement about something about which we’ve agreed for decades.”