Did you like the Blair Witch Project? I hope not, as it’s an objectively terrible movie. You know what would make it worse? Making up an urban legend and then just… go around and ask various hip-hop stars with no acting ability what they think of her. That’s the whole movie. No plot. No talent. No writing. No mercy.
Crash. Oh, how I hate that film.
Why? It had no depth at all and no real insight. They might as well have just put up a screen that said, " Racism is bad. White people in Hollywood feel guilty, but don’t want to actually think about the issue too much, either."
And, unforgivably, it beat out Brokeback Mountain, which was a beautiful, understated film, for best picture.
More Crash hate here: 'Crash': The Most Loathsome Best Picture Of Them All - The Awl
My favorite quote from the link:
A little context in support of the above:
Over Xmas, I put the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special on YouTube for the kids. They love Star Wars and Christmas, so why not? I know enough internet pop-culture to know it would be bad, but didn’t remember that much of it from my childhood. I figured it’s like the Phantom Menace: maligned, but still Star Wars-y enough to be entertaining (I consider Darth Maul the best light saber fight, for example).
But DEAR LORD, that Holiday Special was horrible. The main characters (Luke, Han, Leia, 2 droids) show up for like 10 minutes. The show is grunting and roaring by Wookiees in a single room, which gets old after a minutes, let alone most of the show’s dialogue. The rest is a variety show including cybersex(!), psychedelic rock music videos(!!), and Bea Arthur as the bartender in the Mos Eisley Cantina(!!!) doing a musical number(!!!). The only thing worse was Leia singing a holiday song to the tune of the Star Wars Theme (I’ve run out of !)
Is it just me as a cynical adult speaking, without the wonderment of Star Wars on a child? Nope, the kids barely sat through half of it before walking off finding other things to do.
The weirdest part was Han Solo and Chewbacca. Han was so tender and kind to Chewy, hugging and emotionally telling him how much he appreciates his best friend and wants him to join his family. Nothing Rule 34-ish, but just so jarring from the wisecracking scoundrel Han Solo in the movies.
Gets out checklist
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Has it been re-run on HBO 100 more times than “Force 10 from Navarone”? Check.
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Does it star “B” listers with very few chances at ever being an “A” lister? Check.
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Does the Cheese-cake totally limit herself to ‘stupid damsel’ mode? Check.
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Does the Beef-cake make Bill Mahr look hung & ripped? Check.
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Is there a bad computer/CGI “Scrappy-Doo” character that’s an Epic Fail? Check.
Ladies and Gentleman, I nominate “Garfield”.
“Next time somebody asks if you are a God…?”
“I know… I know… I’ll say “Remember ‘Garfield’?” and pass on the script…”
Without settling on that one I will say that you have provided the most convincing argument so far.
The Star Wars Prequels.
Jake Lloyd.
Jar Jar Binks.
Midiclorians.
<drops Mic>
You and me both. I watched that and the other two people I watched it with fell asleep. The both enjoyed the movie. They should have stayed away.
So much for “The Star Wars Holiday Special”. 
I must respectfully disagree with iiandyiiii; while Battlefield Earth was and remains excruatingly bad, Batman and Robin must take precence. I mean, we knew the book was pretentious tripe, Travolta was doing this in honor of old L. Rod, and at least it had a few SF gimmicks.
But Batman and Robin…The imbeciles knew what worked, they had a filmography to look back on, a solid record with the first two films on how people expected to see Batman, and they completely ignored it and went on a completely different track (Hell, they went to a totally different railroad). Add to that one of the most puerile and insipid screenplays even written by supposedly professional writers and what will go down as the worst acting ever by some fairly capable actors and actresses, and you manage to take down and stomp on what was the crown jewel of the DC Comics film franchise. It took Christian Bale to return Batman to his origins and story.
So much promise, so much money, and a proven concept all shot to sh…stuff.
Movie 43 was pretty awful especially given that one of the Farrelly brothers was behind it. (It’s one thing for amateurs or the inexperienced to make a bad film, but if someone who should know better made it, then it’s really awful.)
The Phantom Menace is honestly one of the least competently written and directed movie I’ve ever seen. And it relies on a child actor and a CGI comic relief that’s just one step away from offensive racist stereotype. So I’m not seeing as how there could be any actual disagreement here. Sure, there are movies out there that suck more in individual categories – plot, budget, characterization, direction – but there’s nothing that has a bigger ratio of “crap”/“could have been”. George Lucas had all the money in the world and had 20 years to work on the script and he came out with a movie about a couple of Jedis on a diplomatic mission to resolve a tax dispute. And he had so little faith in his ability to create compelling characters that he brought back the two comic relief droids from the first movie and retconned their origins.
And shall we discuss the slipshod handling of the timeline? Obi Wan Kenobi, who was an aged hermit in the “4th” movie is now a teen-aged apprentice. So would be barely middle-aged at the time of the fourth movie. (And rather than being the wise old sage of the first movies, he’s kind of an annoyingly useless noob.) And the princess is roughly 10-15 years older than Skywalker which is rather creepy given that we know they’re going to be knocking boots eventually.
So let’s recap – terrible directing, a story that shoehorns in old familiar characters (in a prequel) because it has no faith in itself, that includes a temporally inconvenient princess simply because they needed a “strong” female lead, and a story that redefines lame, despite the vast amount of fan-written backstory that could have been mined for a more compelling narrative. And a child actor whose performance was so terrible that it literally ruined his life. I rest my case.
I hated, hated, hated Crash. But I still don’t think it’s the worst movie ever made. It could easily be the worst movie that ever won an Academy Award, almost certainly the worst movie ever to win Best Picture. Of all the movies I can think of, it’s certainly the one with the greatest gulf between its actual quality and its average regard (yes, people who like it are objectively wrong, there I said it).
But it’s not the worst movie ever made. It’s just a shitty movie that a surprising number of people didn’t realize was shitty.
Well, some of us have seen Attack of the Clones.
Little Rock: So do you have any regrets?
Murray: Garfield, maybe.
Two nominees, because both are so terrible that I can’t pick just one: The Apple, and Can’t Stop The Music.
The Apple is an insane musical Adam-and-Eve story, sort of, in “the future”. In the end God appears and rescues the heroes in his gold Cadillac. I trust I need say no more.
Can’t Stop The Music is a piece of fictional trash about how the Village People got together, with some wish-fulfillment stuff thrown in by the director, released 3 years after disco was dead. Stars Steve Gutenberg and Bruce Jenner.
But a wonderful movie. I watch it every couple of years just because.
*
Phantom Menace* wins. Period.
There are movies worse than Children of the Corn??
Insomnia?
I unreasonably hate Mr. Holland’s Opus. I say unreasonably because the people I went with liked it, but I don’t know why. Utter drivel.
- Wannabe composer sells out, takes job as band director.
- On his first day he decides for the first song the band should play Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. A high school band. Not just as the first song, as the first note. Now not a lot of people have been high-school band directors but lots of people have been in a high school band and you don’t start out with a symphony. You don’t even start out with a song. You start out with a scale in concert C. This will tell you what you need to know about the band, i.e. that they are not capable of playing a Sousa march let alone a symphony. There is no way a composer could get through school without playing in a band so he would know this, or he’s an idiot.
- Basically, he’s an idiot.
- He takes the job because his wife is pregnant. He signs up to teach driver’s ed in summer school because she’s still pregnant. Hmm.
- Of course she goes into labor while he’s out driving around with his driver’s ed students so he breaks every traffic rule getting to the hospital.
- Oh, she already had it. He has a son.
- The composer’s son is DEAF. Of course.
- I don’t much like Richard Dreyfus as an actor in the first place.
This is just the first quarter of the movie but I was stuck there, hating it more each moment. Every time an indignity got heaped on the main character I wanted to cheer. And it just went on and on and on and on.
- Everybody else loves this movie. Which I don’t understand.
I know, I know–I should never ever have gone to another Richard Dreyfus movie with a music theme after seeing THE COMPETITION* so this one is all on me.
I think MR. HOLLAND’S OPUS is the worst movie ever made that everybody else likes. Other nominees that I hate and everybody loves are FORREST GUMP and that Christmas one with the angel and Jimmy Stuart and $8000.
On the other hand I actually kind of like PLAN 9.
*Bad bonus: Amy Irving, worst “actress” ever in that one.
“August Rush” with Johnathan Rhys-Myers lowered my IQ just to watch it. (Amazingly, Rhys-Myers made a film that was even worse, with John Travolta “From Paris with Love”).
However the worst film ever was the live-action version of “The Grinch” I hate it so much. It took a lovely little anti-materialsm theme and turned it into a super crass spectacle. hate it. it’s the worst.