I want a lawyer.
My ex and I were married on an October 4th–no kidding.
After what we went through getting divorced, I ain’t bringing nothing back to life on that day!
Zombies, seriously? How inefficient is that?
Now if I were creating an army of undead zombies, would I have this Orbital Mind Control Laser under construction in the basement? Would I have spent all that time on the incident with Senator Hatch to get mind control experiments on unwitting subjects legalized retroactively?
No. Zombies eat brains, have very few of their own, and my entire strategy is predicated on the people of Earth each having their own juicy, tempting, fully hydrated with precious bodily fluids, brain.
So look around, take whatever samples you want to get me off this *&#%ing ‘red paint list’ or whatever it is.
You would know my Zombie Apocalypse . . . it wouldn’t be put down in a week.
I prefer AI-enhanced bowler hats with claws, legs, and other various attachments to do my evil deeds.
“Send me there, and Castro gets the secret.”
Um…I think that’s a case for shooting you in the head immediately.
Not Texas. I live in Texas, and can tell you that the poor zombies would starve before reaching the critical Horde Threshold.
Don’t you know better than to trust a heavily armed octopus?
Oh… so that’s what the big red button on my computer marked “DO NOT PUSH” does if you “accidently” hit it…
oops
If I was going to clear the population out of an area to make way for say… me, I would pick somewhere warmer than Connecticut. Oh and - I haven’t crossed your border in months, couldn’t have been me.
When you find the culprit however I’d be interested in questioning them 
I’m much too inactive and lazy to be fomenting any zombie uprisings. Many of my neighbors will attest to this.
I can honestly say that I have not been to my Grandfather’s house and Great-Uncle’s dairy farm in Western Connecticut in at least two years.
I don’t care what the very nice people who live in my Grandfather’s house say, I was not wandering around on their property, and I most certainly was not burying any sort of talismans in their roses, or on the bank of the Bantam river.
My standard excuse: some other dude did it.
I regret nothing!
Ahem… Also, as a Canadian, I’m entirely too polite to go unleashing a Zombie Apocalypse on anyone without first sending apologies to everyone potentially involved well in advance.
Sorry, what’s your PayPal account again?
I live in Illinois. And I was at work that day. And, well, I’m only able to cast spells within line-of-sight. And I can’t see Connecticut from here. And anyway it can’t be me, because if it were, I would have set the zombies on Wall Street.
Besides, Annamika told me she did it.
I know that Obama is scared of the upcoming election, but a few zombies are hardly enough to finish off the living document. His gang will have to try harder than that when it comes to false flag operations.
I didn’t do it either. I, too, am Canadian. Sorry.
Oh, please, why are you even bothering me with this? Okay, I know I did hard time on a conquer-the-universe rap, but that’s an entirely different thing. You don’t destroy the population, you enslave them to build you a planet-sized spaceship bristling with 1920s style death rays, the best kind ever made. Zombies just make chaos, and you’re going to need a very large industrial base and virtually unlimited resources both human and material for scientific research. Just try that with a bunch of zombies.
Besides, who would you have to talk to? Zombies aren’t exactly scintillating conversationalists, seeing as they only moan “Braaaaiiiinnnns” over and over again.
And anyway, the Man is watching me too closely for me to get away with anything at all these days.
Not once I point out I could just as easily work for the US military.
There are two of you with the Canadian alibi?
That’s too suspicious for me.