My Ex was not in Connecticut at the time. Nobody who knows anything at all about me would ever imagine I would waste perfectly good zombies on any town that doesn’t contain my ex.
I can’t deny that my experiments in necromancy may contribute to my being a suspect. But it is important to note that my expertise is limited to zombie hordes that are immune to the ‘Alaska Effect’, i.e., they do not freeze due to of a lack of body heat.
Because of this, I think it is clear that any outbreak I would be responsible for would take place during early/late winter, so as to take full advantage of and completely test this particular brand of research.
As far as an alibi, I have my entire zombie vampire coven to vouch that I was in the middle of writing a manifesto on the worth of my reserch while this entire incident was taking place.
As such, I can unequivicably state that I am not resposible for this particular zombie outbreak. But I do offer my services as a zombie expert should the authorities need help finding the real ‘mastermind’ behind this easily-foiled plot of world domination/destruction.
Who…what…how…I…
Never mind.
Zombies? Pffft. Those are Lizzie’s Domain.
Besides they refuse to stand still for a portrait and they don’t like blind dates.
I was stuck in an alternate universe for 6 months thanks to another one of Skald’s fucking “hypothetical” experiments. Hey Skald, make it a little more hypothetical next time. At the very least, you could help me with my alibi as poor recompense for half a year of living in the jungle eating ants and being pursued by cyborgs.
Weren’t the sexbots enough? Jeez.
If you’re not going to keep your hyperspace phone charged so you can call for rescue, that is hardly my fault.
Do I look like a zombie master to you?
My post is my cite.
(That should work nicely round here.)
pfft So 20 years ago.
I bought 2wire and built it into every wifi router.
Won’t tell you what I’ve been doing since, but there is a reason Apple is considered a cult.
Of course I cast the spell. I was hired to move the town’s cemetery by the local mayor. I have all the paperwork here, officer.
The spell was supposed to simply reconstruct and animate the town’s dead so that they could carry their head stones and mausolea three miles to the north. The original cemetery parcel was ideal for placing a high-end mall (both Dippin’ Dots and Pier One had expressed interest) and having the dead move their own graves allowed them to come in significantly under budget.
Unfortuantely the virgin’s blood I purchased from Amazon.com appears to have been from a “technical virgin”. And while her lady’s gate had not been defiled, her *other *cavities had seen much use.
As any first year thaumaturgic apprentice knows, use of non virginal blood doesn’t sate the disquiet of the dead. So* there you have it*, shambling hoard of hungry, infectious, evil.
I’m certainly sorry about the incident, but really, your legal recourse must be taken up with the blood vendor. Good day! [slams door]
What back-alley universe did you get these phones from? I’ve never even heard of a hyperspace phone that didn’t have a universal-angular-momentum power tap.
The new iPerspace phone. Lots of angular-momentum units are failing. If you take it back to the store they’ll replace it. In a few months they’ll cost less.
My PayPal account is under the leftmost dumpster behind the old Wal Mart (no, not that old Wal Mart, the other old Wal Mart).
That shit’s expensive. Anaamika, S’kat, and the other people on the Short List Of Dopers Never To Be Harmed and Always To Be Rescued Without Delay get them, 'cause they’re special. The rest of you are supposed to supply your own.
…am I the Only one who heard that damned “La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la” song in their heads while visualizing that brain-munch fest???
Ok, I’ll confess. I did it. It all started when I buried a set of the Season 1 DVDs in a Pet Cemetary…