Cost of wedding reception

In My Humble Opinion
1

As mentioned in this thread
Ponster and I are due to wed.

People are coming from near and far
but the place for the reception has no bar.

We’ll be providing the drinks for the whole evening and, as you can imagine, this adds to the cost a wee bit. Now we’re not complete misers but we’re not swimming in spondoolicks either - it is still the early days of working out our budget etc. so nothing is decided but can you think of any way we could maybe get guests to contribute ?

If you were a guest would you think it unreasonable ? (After all many receptions are held in hotels where you have to buy your own drinks.)

Your thoughts please.

2

There is simply no way to ask guests to contribute to the cost of the reception and come off even vaguely classy. You have a couple of options. You can either have a small reception and spend more on food and drink per person (this is what we did), or you can have a larger, but more modest reception–cake and champagne, but not a big meal and lots of drinks.

3

Is there absolutely no way you can arrange a temporary bar, through a catering firm or similar? As burundi says, asking for a ‘contribution’ isn’t a viable option.

4

Usually you should figure about 4 drinks per person for an average-length wedding reception (5 -6 hours). A full open bar will be expensive, and a cash bar is ungracious and against standard etiquette – although there are some parts of the county where cash bars are typical at weddings. Even in areas with a custom for cash bars, asking guests up front for contributions towards the bar bill is impossible. There is simply no polite way to do that.

The cheapest, easiest way for you to handle the situation (short of simply skipping the liquor altogether, or having only a champagne toast) is to have a limited bar – beer, wine and, possibly, a signature drink. This will work partularly well for you, since you will have to bring the liquor to the venue anyway. Check with your reception venue to see what rules they have about the serving of liquor. Personally, I think the nicest way to do it is to set up a bar and hire someone to tend it. Or, if money is really an issue (or you just want a more informal event) you can go self-serve, with bottles of red and white wine on the tables, beer in egs, and the signature drink in punch bowls or pitchers.

5

I think you need to check out the other thread linked to in the OP to get a bit of transatlantic perspective :wink:

6

My sister is getting married on Saturday, and came up with a variation on this; she’s limiting the bar to beer and wine, but she’s also limiting how long it will be open (just a cocktail hour and the first hour or two of the reception, which will be a relatively small and low-key dinner). Anyone who wants to continue drinking after that, or who wants something other than beer or wine, can buy their own from the main bar in the front of the restaurant.

Given that some of the groom’s family apparently has a tendency to drink too much and get rowdy, I thought this was a quite decent compromise.

7

I posted this in a recent thread about wedding bars, but here it is again. At our wedding, we had an open bar with a tip jar. We didn’t ask for tips, but we made out like bandits with them - people get pretty generous around weddings. I think a lot of people put in a twenty and had two beers. It also saved us from having to get a license for selling alcohol.

8

As others have said, you absolutley cannot, shall not, would not, could not ask guests to contribute to a wedding reception. Doing that has a tendency to screw up your wedding royally in the minds of your guests. However, you can limit the bar selection or the time that it is open all you want. No one will think bad of you for that.

9

We had our reception at a hotel. The reception room had no alcohol in it except champagne. However, the hotel did have a bar; anyone who wanted more than the champagne we offered just ambled down and bought themselves a cocktail.

We were dirt-poor graduate students, with a reception full of grad students, and heaven knows their alcohol requirements would have put us in debt for an hundred years. :smiley:

The dinner was nice, the champagne was available, and everyone seemed pretty happy with the arrangement. We didn’t ask anyone but my parents for a penny.

Mrs. Furthur

10

Yes, yes, I absolutely agree with burundi. However, there might be a way around that, if (and ONLY IF) you have someone very close to you, like a sibling, who can broker the deal. That way, the sibling is prepared to field questions from friends and relatives who might be wondering what to give you and your intended as a wedding gift. Depending upon the person asking, the sibling could then, ever so tactfully, have a conversation like the following:

Great Uncle Moneybags: What do you think I should get for Cat’s wedding? I was thinking of just giving cash, because so many people enjoy having a little extra spending money on the honeymoon.

Sibling: What a marvelous idea! I know that Cat is feeling just a wee tad of stress about all the costs of the reception, and cash would certainly be thoughtful. Say, now that we’re talking about the reception, it occurs to me that instead of the honeymoon, perhaps a bit of assistance with the bar would also be a lovely gesture.

Or, if you don’t have a Great Uncle Moneybags who is likely to ask others about gift ideas, said sibling could also organize other siblings, or cousins, or friends, or the wedding party, to go in on the bar as a group gift, provided of course that the result is at the same level of another group gift of china or linens or whatever would have been. This works better if your set tends toward group gifts in the first place, and the organizer should have a good sense of a reasonable amount to propose to the group. Then you should be sure to make a light-hearted yet sincere toast to the group (or the uncle) at the reception, acknowledging the most generous and thoughtful contribution to making your special day so perfect.

The key here is that another person is doing the proposing of the bar cost as a gift, and not you. The person should be tactful enough not to frame this as “Cat says cash for the booze would be a lot more useful than fish forks” but rather something more along the lines of “I heard from Cat that they are having a devil of a time with the lack of a proper bar at their venue, so I was thinking that a nice gift from all of us might be to take over the arrangements and chip in for the cost. Plus then we don’t have to lug fish forks all the way to France.” You have to be able to trust this person with your life, or at the very least, your social reputation, to manage this delicate negotiation, but it can be done.

11

Thanks for all the advice guys - I think featherlou 's solution is what I had going in my mind when i asked the question. I realise the OP was perhaps badly phrased but I was never going to put please come to our wedding and put an ‘entry price’ on the invite :eek:

To clairfy, we are using a ‘function room’ at a spruced up farm with accom. attached. There is no bar and they don’t have a licence to sell alcohol, hence the fact that it’s not a choice between open bar (with or without contributions) or using the hotel bar but really down to us to provide the liquid.

delphica - it’s a sound plan. In fact my parents are more than willing to put their hands in their pockets but the groom isn’t entirely happy about asking them/ accepting their aid (he’s only met them three times). I was just looking for ways to prevent costs going madly out of control.

12

Americans - Bless 'em they really do have no idea. :wink:

Seriously - that’s an hours worth (the Guests are predominantly British and Irish)

Given that your guests are Brits/Paddies they will be quite used to the idea of a cash bar at a wedding - its common practice outside of the seriously minted.

Provide wine and fizz with the meal, and then charge.

13

I get married next month and it will be a cash bar. Guests will get a drink of perry on arriving and a glass of wine with the (carvery) meal. Drinks other than that will be bought at the bar by the guest. Every wedding I have been to has had this sort of format. I have never seen a free bar at a wedding.

14

Are you having a marquee?

15

Unfortunately not. Having a civil service at a function room, wedding & reception at the same venue.

16

Typical Irish Wedding :

4pm : Leave church with the happy couple and head off to the hotel for a few drinks while the offical photos are been taking.

7pm : Sit down to eat. At this stage some may have had a few pints or a couple of whiskeys

10pm : Finish eating. Normally people get 1/3 of a bottle of wine and 1/2 bottle of red (at least in France) so that’s almost a full bottle per person.

10pm : music/disco starts. There’s almost always a cash bar (normally held in a hotel) and people will drink like a normal weekend night out with the lads.
In Ireland as in a lot of other countries it’s normal to give cash as a present to a young couple. They almost always live with each other already so no need for tosters and such. My sister tells me that 100€ from each couple invited and 200€ if it’s family. My aunt recently got married, spent 20,000€ on the whole day but got it all back via gifts of cash.

17

Ponster dahling !

To think I’d assumed you were after my money :smack:

Tell me again how many of your family are coming ? :stuck_out_tongue: