God love ya. You ARE good people. It actually makes me cry a little.
I don’t have any real advice, but everything sounds like you’re heading in the right direction. I did have high school students who were legally emancipated at 16 and 17, but I’m not sure what that involves.
I took in a couple of teens for a year, and while it was enriching and irritating by turns, I never regretted it.
Do they have Job Corps in Texas?
Thanks everyone. Things are much calmer and cheerful tonight. There is pizza, laughter and all around fun. I think that’s the best thing for now. I promise to come in later and answer everyone, but for now I’m just going to hang out and let things run. Maybe relaxing is best for everyone.
Thank you all for your advice. I will reply in the morning or tomorrow. Sorry for scampering off (but I think you understand).
Aha! Sorted! You get your boat and use your new guy as a galley slave.
Well done for caring about him: it sounds as though Pullinfamily might be about the most stable and the best influence in his life thus far. And he must be a good bloke to have survived the family from hell without, you know, ending up arrested for hitting them or something. Plus, lets assume that daughter Pullin has some good character judgement in her choice of young man, so you already know he’s a good sort.
I’m sure, like most school-leaving age kids, he’ll be really keen to get a job or a college place and some independence rather than cuckoo-in-the-nest for too long, but it’s really terrific that he has some folk like you who do sort of give a shit about him and keep him from starving on the streets. I hope he can find a job to allow him to share accommodation somewhere with friends in a similar independent young-adult stage.
Again, well done for taking the trouble to care about this poor guy. May his evil bloody parents be eaten slowly by wolves. :mad: (Ach, shit, not fair to the wolves. Oh well, you get the idea.)
Absolute bullshit and extremely harmful advice. People with a college education make more money- I think it’s something like a million dollars over a lifetime right now- and have a massively, just absolutely massively, lower unemployment rate. It’s not a guarantee of a middle class life, but it’s pretty much a pre-requisite. If you think this economy is tough, try it without a degree.
If his family is low-income, between his state and his school he would likely be offered a manageable financial aid package. It’s more difficult if his parents are middle class, but he should contact university financial aid offices and see what they can offer. Community college is also an option, but if he is a bright kid it may not be ideal. High achieving students who go to less-selective universities tend to have lower graduation rates.
Props for doing the right thing, pullin. I have great parents myself, but I know I can rely on my inlaws if necessary and have known since I was this kids age. That means so much to me. Just to know you are not alone in the world.
My parents took in some strays in their time. One time a girl whose parents were threatening to take her back to Afghanistan. Yeah, the one with the war and the veils. It sorted itself out in the end. I also recall parents of friends taking in a boyfriend of their daughter, and they did break up eventually. It wasn’t a huge problem, it all sorted itself out.
This must be a nice kid, right? So what’s the worst thing that could happen? He mooches for a while, then you kick him out. Maybe he and your daughter break up and it’s awkward while he is working on moving. You’ll survive. And it’s not for long, really, is it? And could you really live with not turning him out?
Pullin, as someone with a rough upbringing who was taken in for a few months before I could make it on my own, thank you so much. Just knowing there are adults that care gives kids so much hope. I am paying it forward as my daughter’s best friend has lived with us for several years. The funny thing is, her mom has taken in a kid that had a harder time than she did. Maybe that is her way of paying it forward.
Your family sounds awesome. If my kids ever move out, I will be available for adult adoption, too! I already have a job and a car!
Pullin, your family is awesome.
I can’t add much to the discussion, but I did want to throw in about college.
No offense meant, but please ignore Rachel’s advice - he NEEDS to go to college. The education doesn’t matter. The piece of paper that proves that he’s a dedicated and reasonably educated worker that can stick to a program and finish it DOES MATTER. Those stats that even sven posted are quite true.
Does he need a 4-year Ivy or demanding science school? No, but if he can pick a mid-level state school to attend full-time, he’s more likely to end up with a degree than if he tries a local tech school and plods through some classes in the evenings. That’s been studied and proven as well.
I do agree with Rachel that a “handful of random credits” will do nothing but waste his time and money - but I disagree strongly about what do do instead. He NEEDS a degree, and a 4-year one is much better than an associates.
Finally, him getting schooling (especially if he’s working while he’s in school to help support himself) gives him something productive to do while the economy continues to slowly drag itself back out of the grave over the next few years. With a few years down the pike, and a fresh degree, he’ll be much more likely to find satisfying employment.
My specific suggestion is to contact the Knowledge is Power Program charter school network, and ask them for professional advice. They set up schools in inner cities and reach out to really-bad-off kids, and send them through high school with the understanding that they WILL go to college and they WILL get their degrees. Lots of them have so far, which is outstanding. I know your stray is almost done with school, but I bet lots of the KIPP students don’t have financially supportive (or even emotionally supportive) families, and if anyone knows how to navigate the higher-education system to get as much aid as possible, it would be someone at KIPP.
Best of luck, and just to reiterate - you are good people for helping.
Good for you and your family, pullin.
My little bro was a kid in a similar family situation when he came to live with us. Even with five other kids, my folks provided food, shelter, secondary school education and family support for him. He went into the army for two hitches after high school, got a technical education and is now the only kid who lives close to my parents.
He sounds totally worth the time and care you’re giving him.
Let me add just another two cents - if, for whatever reason, college isn’t on the table then he needs a trade. That means entering an apprenticeship program. Trades like plumbing, electrician, or car repair can provide a comfortable living comparable to some college degrees.
The most important point: MORE EDUCATION.
While working a crap job for a year or two to get himself somewhat on his own two feet is OK he really needs to think about either a degree or a trade.
The military is an option, as noted and can provide assistance with further education. If nothing else, active duty is three hots and a cot and a little spending cash. It’s not a perfect option as there are some significant risks for some occupations within the military but lots of people have used it as a stepping stone to a better life.
A degree is not necessary to do well in life. Consider that less than 25% of the US population has completed a 4-year degree. And consider that this kid hails from a neglectful low-income family. He absolutely *does not *need to attend college straight out of high school. If he can get a job that pays the bills and start living under his own steam, that would be the most wonderful achievement.
I mean, did you even read what shitheels his parents were in the OP? If they will not disclose their income for the FAFSA, then he will not have access to a penny of financial aid. Period. There is a crapton of money to be had in various skilled trades, which he can start without taking on tens of thousands of dollars in debt. There are far too many college grads from vastly-more-privileged backgrounds than this kid who are working in retail and fast food right now. He doesn’t have to go that route, it is merely an option. And for this kid in particular, I don’t think it’s a good one. There are plenty of other ways to make money that don’t involve a negative cashflow for the next 4-6 years of his life.
And I’m not just talking out of my ass: I’ve been continuously employed for 5 years in this economy, without a degree. I make almost $15 an hour now, and have been getting ~5% raises every year since I started working for this company. Not too shabby for an idiot, but my job doesn’t require a degree. Therefore, I’d be doing *even better *if I didn’t have over $11k worth of student loans on my back.
If he’s interested, and only if. For a kid who needs structure and who thinks the military doesn’t sound half bad, sure, could be great. Could provide him the skills, the work ethic, and a solid chunk of resume. But if he’s not on board, pushing him into an enlistment is a bad idea. The last thing he needs is an other-than-honorable discharge to explain.
Also, if he likes the idea of service but doesn’t want to get shot at, the Navy, Air Force, or Coast Guard have a lot more non-getting-shot-at positions. If he’s a smart kid, they’ll educate the hell out of him, too.
I kind of agree with you here, with a significant caveat. You have your degree and in many cases, it’s easier to see the futility in something you have than seeing the value in something you don’t have. Not having the sheepskin will most definitely close doors. A bachelors degree is absolutely required for many positions and will preclude you from getting to the interview stage if your competitors all have one.
Not to be a dick, but $15 an hour is well below the US median income. You’re still young and probably have a good shot at becoming well paid in the future based on your intelligence and experience, but if it takes you as long as it took me, the lifetime earnings differential that even sven mentioned seem not unreasonable. Especially if you consider the inability to save for retirement and the miracle of compound interest.
I understand that student loans can impact your ability to save early as much as lower income can. I guess if I had kids, I would tell them what you and Broomstick said. If you don’t want to go to school, get in a trade apprenticeship. Have a plan. I fucked around for years in various call centers and piss ant sales jobs until I fell into the right one in my late 30s.
I sure wish I knew then what I know now. Whatever you do is hard. School is hard, work is hard, life is hard, debt is hard. Things are tough all over. The worst course of action is drifting. After a long time, it worked out for me. It was a long road though, and I got lucky. All those years of living hand to mouth did me no favors. If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t do it the same way again. I never had a plan.
I don’t know what it’s like over in the US at the moment, but in Europe right now is the time to study, not to go out and find a job or apprenticeship. Sure, it used to be that you could do very well as a plumber or a welder, but not now. They used to say computer science is fickle and nobody really needs an art historian, but welders will always be needed. Well they won’t if you’re not building anything.
The plumber downstairs from us came to have a little cry with me a few days ago. That morning he had had to tell his 30 employees they were bankrupt. He’d built up the company over the last 45 years, had seen them through the eighties. Big grown-ass moustachioed plumber crying on my shoulder because he had to fire the guys that had worked for him for all those years and some of them had young children and their wives had also lost their jobs.
Maybe it’s better in the US, your housing market has recovered, hasn’t it? So maybe it’s not the same, but over here it is the time to stay in school and get ridiculously overqualified, not time to join the job hunters to squabble over the crumbs.
Just following this thread because I, too, seem to run a teenager flop house. I have one kid from a similar background. Fortunately, he is not my daughters boyfriend. He is one great kid and I’m always on the lookout to find ideas or ways to help him help himself.
Your story really warms my heart, that you are doing such a nice thing (not what the poor boy is suffering). I hope it all works out well for your family and for him.
I know you’re talking about the US, but here in Australia, a qualified tradie (after completing an apprenticeship) can command MANY more $ than your average uni graduate. Think plumbing, electrical and carpentry, and most tradies are pulling in $100-$250k per YEAR. There’s no unemployment for them (if they don’t get a job with an established company, they go out on their own).
I’ve got grandkids now, and I will be recommending they go into the trades.
Your opinion is nice and all, but not gospel.
It’s not great in the US, and tradesmen have also had employment problems, but one thing you might not be considering is that education in the US is freakin’ expensive. Some nations heavily subsidize students in higher education, we don’t. Sure, it would be glorious to study and become overqualified but here that means taking on more and more and more debt which will then have to be repaid. We’ve got employed professionals living at poverty levels despite good salaries due to educational debt.
The kid needs to come up with a plan, as others have said. It’s not something he’s going to be able to work out in a day or two, but he needs to strategize. Where, exactly, he’ll go will depend on his interests and aptitudes
Im not speaking in opinions. I am speaking in facts. The data is widely available and unambiguous. A college education is your best shot at the middle class. This is, in fact, gospel.
Yes, talented, ambitious and/or lucky people can do quite well. Running your own business always has the potential to be lucrative, be it a plumbing shop or a cupcake store. But the risks are real, and many businesses fail.
A trades person, in particular has a lot less flexibility to change careers to fit the market or to accommodate them as they age. I know a lot of people who did quite well in construction in the 80s and 90s, and have had to retrain (and college at 40 with a kid and mortgage sucks) or retire due to California’s changing labor and housing market. The same person with a desk job would be able to transition to another field much more easily.
There is a place for trades, and it’s a good choice for plenty of people. But telling people that college is a poor investment is massively irresponsible. I was from a low income household. People told me that. If I had listened, they would have ruined my life. Again, this advice ruins lives, and perpetuates poverty.
I’ve nothing constructive to add, but you’re doing good. Thank you for caring for him.