For those who don’t diligently take notes about me and mine, my daughter, the Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] is going to be 16 next month. She and her boyfriend met on the swim team last year and they’ve been going together since last October. She asked if he could come over after school yesterday to hang out, and I said yeah - no prob with that as long as I’m home.
Since yesterday was “one of those days” and I was kinda frazzled, I decided take-out pizza was an excellent supper option. I asked my kid to call the pizza joint with our order. A minute or so later, she was escorting her b/f to the door.
Being the sweet person I am, I said “He can stay and eat with us.” I guess I missed the look from my daughter.
A couple of hours later after she walked him to the door again, she informed her dad and me that she really hadn’t wanted him to stay for pizza. She also said something about him needing to find other things to do - he does seem to live for her.
My quandry: Is she getting ready to break up with him? Should I say anything to her about this or let her deal with it her way - assuming there’s something to deal with? Would it be better for me to just back off and let things happen?
I like the boy - he’s a good kid - but she’s just a sophomore. Neither of them has given any indication that he’s/she’s “The One” nor do I think she was just using him till she gets her license. That’s a bit disjointed, but do you see what I’m getting at?
So, how do you read this? Is a breakup imminent? Should I stock up on tissues for her? For him? Or should I just leave home till she goes off to college?
It could be that he is spending too much time with her, and she’s trying to make time for herself and for her family without hurting his feelings.
Spending that much time with another person does get old after a while, and while they may not necessarily be headed for a breakup, TPC[sup]tm[/sup] may simply be feeling a bit smothered.
I think the fact that she’s looking for time for herself is actually a healthy thing, because I remember my teen dating days when all we wanted to do was spend time together. Which made for a lot of short, intense, burned-out relationships.
Your daughter seems to have a pretty good handle on the situatiion so I wouldn’t worry.
Just talk to her and tell her to keep you informed on what boundries she wants to put on him or other friends. After all you are not shy about expressing your boundries for her.
Wow, Cranky, it doesn’t sound like she’ll be needing tissues when she shows him the door. She thinks he needs to find other things to do? Damn, that seems mature for a 16 year old.
Perfect Child, indeed!
She’ll be fine. You’ve done a great job and ended up with a bright, self-assured young lady. Can you come over and work on my Toddler of Terror?
Thanks, all… When I got home today, I decided to just ask her if she was planning to break up. Her answer: “Not any more.”
So the romance continues, such as it is. And she is mighty mature for her age - takes after her mother, she does…
Incidentally, EJsGirl - I’m sorry, but I don’t do Toddlers any more, terrors or otherwise. In fact, when my (far-off-in-the} future grandchildren are toddlers, I plan to do a few years traveling around the world. I got that much figured out…
You will go through this many times before your daughter meets the right man. I would let her choose her own way and just be there for her when she needs you. Count on a few broken hearts, both from her and the guys. You’ll have guys calling you after she’s broken up with them wanting to talk to you about what they did wrong. You’ll be put between a rock and hard place many times. But you’ll make it through I’m sure. Good luck!
Just to cause trouble, and I saw only girls were answering…
Maybe Perfect Child™ was just disappointed in her Boy Toy. After pleading, and begging and threatening since October, she finally got him to put out. And she was less than dazzled. He was not up to her sophisticated level. He couldn’t do that bendy thing and had no clue about the parsley. But it’s all cool now because he’s checked out some library books and got a self-help video.
So he stayed and ate pizza? Did he make an absolute pig of himself (which was the first thought that popped into my head–maybe she’s seen him eat pizza before, and she’d rather not have him do it in front of her parents…)?
There’s also a strong possibility that she knows that he only hangs around if he thinks he’s going to get Free Food, and she doesn’t want to be a Moocher Enabler.
FairyChatMom I would have welcomed a teen that was so n-o-t so attached to his significant other. My now-19-year-old son started “dating” his girlfriend (her idea) as a 14-year-old freshman and continued this exclusive relationship all through high school. Her “love” for him sort of fizzled when he went to Germany for a year as an exchange student and she broke up with him this summer via long distance. Needless to say, his heart was broken. It is sooooo sad that he has gone through this much of his life without ever even asking a girl out on a date… sad, sad, sad.
To avoid any further slip ups ask her to be clear about relationship status before you invite people for food. Lay some ground rules, get a hidden signal, something.
Other than wanting to be in the loop, I wouldn’t worry much, she sounds liek she has her head screwed on straight.
Really? They’ll want me to advise them? eeeesh - just what I need… <sigh>
Oh, Rue, this makes me want to slap you silly on so many levels…
I asked her later - she said she was just tired and wanted to spend the evening alone. But, he is a 17 y/o boy - he likes to eat. He also is a really nice kid who helped us build and wire a workshop in the basement. If I’d had a son, this kid would have been a good role model.
I think in this particular relationship, he’s much more attached than she. I was hoping maybe someone here could clue me in on what might be going thru their heads… and what to do/say if they did break up. Frankly, I worry about the boy when he goes off to college next year, if they’re still going together then.
She did inform me that if she wanted someone to stay for dinner, she’d ask me. I guess that means I shouldn’t do inviting. I can live with that.
You know, in the grand scheme of things, I’m pretty lucky with her. She has a pretty clear idea of what she wants to do with her life, including not marrying and having kids till she’s had an education and a career. I could be looking for trouble where there is none - all those tales about the terrors of the teen years apparently don’t hold here. She’ll still hug me for no apparent reason, and when she gets ticked off, it doesn’t last too long.
I thank you all for your ideas and comments… well, all except that wise-acre Rue. Sometimes I wonder if I’m scarring her for life, but it’s looking like she may actually turn into a pretty decent adult. Still, I’m glad I just have one to deal with…
Oops, I blew right over your post Zebra. Sorry about that.
** Hey evrybody! Zebra is a man! It was my mistake earlier. I’m a big dope-head!**
I hope that makes us even. And maybe you should get a manlier handle like… Killer Death Zebra, or Zebra, with a big Tonker. Just a thought.
-Rue. (Who’s really embarassed about the Zebra Incident)
Rue it’s ok. But did you know that male Zebras have abnormally large penises? It’s true. Female Zebra are almost always pregnant so if a buck takes over some other Zebras harem he can give them abortions with his penis and then re-impregnate them.
