boyfriend??
My daughter turned 13 this last Sat. Was caught skipping school Monday. Seen with an older guy making out!!! She is on lock down etc…but what I am wondering is what is the right age for her to actually HAVE a boyfriend?? Not go on dates, just have a boy over that she likes???
35 to 40
Hey, it’s an old joke but a goodie.
I shudder to think what the standards are in most homes these days . . .
You should be wondering what age is right for her to get a long talk(s) from you about pregnancy, contraception and emotional issues that come with relationships. You can’t have her on permanent lockdown and telling her “don’t have a boyfriend” will be ineffective.
Have another same age boy over to watch a movie or whatever? Probably fine now.
I have a 4 year old daughter. I think I’m going to have to start preparing myself for this kind of situation about now. Yeah 10 years to get ready may about do it… or 20…
Michael,
THis just happened Monday. She has been on “lockdown” for three whole days, not planning on keeping her there for long…and I so agree with the advice that if I tell her she CANNOT have this emo dude for a b/f it will only make things worse…I am sick over this…last week she was still my little girl…then I go looking for her and she her leaning up against a brick wall on the blvd making out with some dude!!! I have raised boys and it was nada like this. They were a breeze. Granted they probably did a lot of things I just didn’t bust them on, but still…should I put her on the pill??? At 13??? She swears she is not having sex, but then again, she lies about everything under the sun. Over the sun too for that matter…
Moving from General Questions to IMHO, since no single answer is possible.
samclem Moderator
No, but you need to explain safe sex (both pregnancy and STD prevention) to her, or get someone who can do it without freaking out to do it, and you or this other person need to help her choose a method (it is fine if it’s “uuuh… I’ll just abstain! dicks are yucky!” for now, but she has to know where to get a condom and how to put one on), and you need to make sure that she knows she can ask you, or this other person, for help on these issues.
13 isn’t anywhere near too early to be making out. We don’t go on dates in Spain, can’t help you there, but make out? Isn’t that what summer is for?
Five? I mean, my daughter’s five, and calls a little boy at her school her “Boyfriend.” If he wants to come over, great.
What you should be pissed about is that she skipped school, whatever the reason.
Of course, the age of the “older” guy could be a matter of concern, but you don’t say how much older he is.
Jesus, overreact much? THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. It’s about her, and her development. Frankly, that sex talk (if you insist on having A talk instead of a consistently open dialogue) should have happened at least 3 years ago.
Does she *want *to be on the Pill? What if she doesn’t? Will you force her to take it? Will you provide her with accurate information about other birth control options? Will you remind her that, Pill or no, she needs to use **condoms **to protect herself and her partners from disease, please? Will you show her how to put one on correctly, in case the boy doesn’t know how?
It’s entirely normal for a 13 year old to have a “boyfriend” and even to be “making out” in public. (Really, how much “making out” could be happening vertically with inexperienced partners in public?)
It’s probably also normal for a parent (are you Mom or Dad?) to freak out, so I shouldn’t be too hard on you. But you really need to calm down, slow down, take a few deep breaths, and remember that this still is your little girl. You taught her how to use the toilet, you taught her how to cut with scissors, you taught her how to ride a bike. That’s all this is - new teaching.
Instead of putting her on lockdown (that’s hardly going to work for long), how about inviting the boy over to dinner? Get a couple of movies and watch them with the two of them. Ask him for his help painting a fence. Getting to know him more and keeping their interactions under your eye are a far better way to keep her safe than making yourself the bad guy.
So, if I tell her “dicks are yucky” she won’t have sex??? lol
No.
If and for so long as she thinks dicks are yucky, she won’t have sex with guys.
But if that’s the extent of your sex talk, when come back bring ultrasound pictures.
“Jesus”, jump people’s shit much for asking advice???
WTF is “Normal”??? PDA’s imo are not cool and ok…:rolleyes:
I should have told you all, WE HAVE HAD THE SEX TALK. I understand she is going to do it if she wants to …all she needs it two minutes with a guy in a corner…I just needed to vent and ask advice…Her Dad seems to think if I put her on the pilll she will become a slut…I just don’t want her pregnant.:smack:
Well, as WhyNot and I have both said, you should not “put her on the Pill”. It is not your choice to make, it is hers. And you do not need a boyfriend to get pregnant, you know.
She is at that age now, you can only drive it underground by trying to stop it, or discuss the coming of age she is going though.
At 13 she should make her own choices?? Like CHOOSING to skip school???
13 is definitely not too young for a boyfriend. I was 8 (4th grade) when I had my first, and we were together for two years! We never went beyond kissing though, and our parents were pretty much around all the time if we went out somewhere. If he was over, no closed doors - or we’d go to a movie, and the parents would sit in the back. If she starts being exclusive with a guy, talk to his parents so you can stay connected with them.
You really, really need to talk to her not only about sex and protection, but also about healthy teen relationships and dating. She needs to know that she can control where a relationship goes based on her comfort level. Like if she’s not comfortable with the kissing getting too heavy, it is okay to stop and tell the boy so. If a guy doesn’t respect her wishes, he isn’t treating her right, etc. Also, try to let her know you are open to listening to her problems. You want her to be able to come to you if she has a problem!
That said, I have no idea how relevant this would be to today’s kids. There are more than likely organizations in your area that can give you more info on this if you google around.
P.S. The pill isn’t right for everyone, but it most definitely doesn’t make you a slut if you take it. That is a very harmful mindset. There is nothing wrong with trying to prevent pregnancy, and teens aren’t the best about condom usage. If she is willing, you might try to talk to a women’s doctor about options.
Like choosing whether to take a steroid daily, get a steroid implant, get a IUD, or none of the above.
It’s her body.
Oh, that’s not jumping. Not even close.
Either you’re completely irrational, you’re asking only for advice which augments what you’re already thinking (that your daughter is too young for a boyfriend and shouldn’t be in any type of physical relationship, whether it involves penetration or not) or the period key on your keyboard is broken, giving the impression of hysteria where there is none.
All we have to go on is what you type. Extra ellipses, sentence fragments and peculiar punctuation are generally how people using the written word express panic, dismay, confusion, etc. In other words, “freaking out”. You’ve also imprisoned your daughter for developmentally appropriate behavior, which also sounds like “freaking out”. When people come to me for advice when they’re “freaking out”, my first bit of advice is to point out that they’re freaking out, yeah.
And, honestly, if you were my mom and I knew you were likely to lock me up for having a boyfriend, I’d lie my ass off as well. How can she be honest about what’s going on in her life if being honest gets her locked up?
Yes, she has the choice to skip school. It’s a pretty *bad *choice, I agree, but it’s within her intellectual and physical capacity to skip school.