This new girl transferred to my school. Her name is… well, lets just call her “Girl”. She’s kinda cute, and my best friend immmediatly took to her. Well, he’s been trying so hard to get her to go out with him, while I’m sure she would, I don’t think she wants to right now.
Anyway, she JUST HAS to get a ride home after school with us. My friend is all for it ofcourse. Now, the thing I don’t like about this, is, I’m stuck sitting in the back, while my push-over friend does whatever she tells him to do up front. Then they start talking about something, and they stop and look back at me to see if I’m listening, and if I am, they stop talking about it period. If I’m not listening they just talk in hushed voices.
I’m starting to feel like a third wheel here.
Also, Monday is my birthday, and my friend and I planned on going to play laser tag, and TGI Fridays together with our other friend to celebrate. Now, today in the car, on the way home, Girl says, "Hey I'm going to Salem on Monday, do you want to come?", Friend says, "Sure, why not?"
Well, probably because you've already made a previous commitment to me on my birthday. I'm not jealous, really I'm not. I'm a very non-jealous guy, so why do I feel this way? Like my BEST friend is being torn away from me. Like we're drifting apart. This has been happening for awhile now.
There are other little incidents too, like him keeping certain secrets from me(which I could really care less about, btu the fact that he didn't tell me about them anyway is what gets to me), and them doing things together when he already made commitments to me or the other friend.
Christ, this is getting long.
What can I do to prevent us from growing even more apart?
Sucks, don’t it? I’ve been there and to tell you the truth, you’ll probably ride it out. First off, you don’t mention how old you are, but I imagine you’re in high school since you have a friend with a car and since people are transferring to your school. High school relationships don’t usually last forever. Even if he does wind up in it for the long haul, he’ll probably reach a point where he’s sick of seeing her every day and will want to go off and do some “guy stuff”. In the meantime, all you can do is keep in contact with your friend so you’re still there when he comes around and go off with some other friends. I don’t mean to let him walk all over you, but face it – eventually one of the two of you will get a girlfriend and she’ll want time with you/him and you/him will want to spend time with her. It’s great (in a sense) when it’s just the guys, but that doesn’t last forever and you have to adapt. I will admit though that the birthday thing was a low blow. I’d make mention of it, but don’t use it as some sort of weapon everytime the two of you have a dispute. Say it once, let him know that you still exist and let it go from there. Either he cares or he doesn’t, and if he doesn’t, bitching about it won’t help. If he does, hopefully he’ll try to make up for it.
For the record, my best friend is a guy I’ve known since I was 12 (we’re both 27 now) and we’ve been through various phases of “ignoring” the other guy due to girlfriends, his marriage, my girlfriend and child… etc. But we’re always able to pick it up a few weeks later with a phone call and go out for a beer and have a good time and know everything is still cool. It’s all just part of growing up.
I like what jophiel said but just one quick thing to add.
If they’re secrets, he’s not going to tell you period. That’s what secrets are. And the fact that you mention it says you do care about it. I have a feeling that you’re not being honest with yourself…so how can you be honest with him when the time comes?
Until you can provide what she provides your friend–the prospect of sex–you are a third wheel and will be for the foreseeable future. Might as well get a girlfriend for yourself and make it a couples thing. You’ll have more to talk about, too.
((sk8)) Boy do i know how THAT feels.
Um, dropzone, “might as well go out and get yourself a girlfriend” It’s not that easy, it’s not like you can buy a significant other at Wal*mart. Not the most helpful advice I’ve ever heard.
Sk8, I’ve been there. I was best friends with Chick for 4 years (regular friends for 5 years before that), and in our junior year of high school along comes Dude. Chick and Dude fall in love, Chick makes Dude her one and only priority, Dude’s friend Guy hates me. Since Guy hangs out with Dude, and Chick is glued to Dude, I can’t hang out with Chick anymore. Her boyfriend’s friends take precedence over her own friends.
We are no longer best friends.
We’re still amigas, but nowhere near as close as we once were.
I know. Believe me, I know. I just didn’t want to completely ruin the kid’s day by telling him that his world has suddenly taken a twist, that it will stay twisted, and that he and his friend will probably continue to grow apart. Especially if he can’t stand the friend’s girlfriend.
I tried to give him hope–can you fault me for that? And why hasn’t this thread been moved to Dear Abbyland?
—>Easy… tell him and Samantha that they can use your treehouse, then call up her father and tell on them. Then she’ll be taken away and put in Saint Sebastian’s school for girls.
They might start out like Romeo and Juliet, but they’ll end up in tragedy.
I’ve gotta agree with dropzone: welcome to pair-bonding, sk8rixtx. I’m afraid it doesn’t get better; you just get to the point where you don’t mind. At least, that’s what happened to me. Maybe seek out some companionship of your own in good time, spend more time on other friends, and cultivate an appreciation for time to yourself, which is something I would recommend anyway. Good coping skill. But I know it sucks to get sidelined by a friend’s relationship. It’s ok, though. Life always gets bigger.
agisofia; Well, take a really good sci-fi movie called The Matrix, and put it together with my favorite hobby, skating (or sk8ing) and then throw in my favorite band FenixTx, and you got yerself sk8rixtx. WHOOOOOO!
