Could certain legendarily bad remakes have been GOOD?

Cafe Society
1

Dukes of Hazzard remake-
Main flaws:
Uncharacteristic vulgarity & blatant sexuality rather than flirtiness & innuendo
Blond Daisy Duke
Burt Reynolds as Boss Hogg & a totally forgettable Roscoe P. Coltrane. Enos was tolerable.

Good points:
Humorous use of General Lee Rebel Flag & their total bafflement over the offensiveness
I actually liked Willie Nelson as Uncle Jesse & the joke that his moonshining was actually gardening.

The Wicker Man remake-
Main flaws:
Misogyny
Unlikable protagonists
No religious/spiritual depth or conflict
No music
No fun
Pagans were Mainly Asexual Dour Feminist Separatists.

Good points: A remote North American setting is not totally ridiculous.

Could either of these remakes have been saved?

DoH- If the fun & innocent innuendo had been retained & the vulgarity lessened.
If Boss Hogg had been anyone else (I could see stunt casting with Anthony Hopkins OR maybe Boss Hogg is dead & his never-seen-before son arrives- Boss Hogg Jr. played by Cedric the Entertainer).
A better Roscoe P. Coltrane.
A hot intelligent brunette as DD.

TWM- Cage could have been deeply religious & mourning the loss of a recent wife or fiance’ (hence his resistance to seduction) instead of obsessing over some weird accident that killed a mother & daughter, assuming it wasn’t all in his head.
Summerisle could have been Matriarchal or Egalitarian, but it needed to be musical, vigourous & sensual, with some active male presence even if not male leadership.
Various Summerisle ladies, including Sister S herself, could have attempted to seduce Cage, with varying success. Heck, she could have invested him as Brother Summerisle, produced the little girl, convinced him it was all harmless Pagan fun and THEN led the parade over the rise- to see the Wicker Man. At which point his fury at being played leads to his prophetic outburst- rather Samson-like.

2

I think the question to ask, is what made good remakes not suck

3

I was dismayed by the Lost in Space film–they missed the entire *point *of Lost in Space. Its charm was that it was a goofy burlesque of the pomposity of Star Trek. The movie should have been done like those Brady Bunch films, with tongue in cheek (I thought Paul Rubens would have been a *terrific *Dr. Smith).

4

:DExcellent!

5

Oooh, I never thought of Reubens. I always thought Lithgow would have been in the spirit of the original.

6

Oldman was fine. Remember the way he hammed it up in The Fifth Element? If the director and producers wanted more of that with the character, he could have done it easily.

Lithgow is just too damned tall for it to work. I think he would’ve towered over LeBlanc.

7

The Wicker Man remake was doomed from the moment they signed Cage.

8

He would have been great, too. Have the Robinsons decked out as a perfect mid-1960s family, June making omelets and chocolate cake in the back yard of the asteroid, hilariously cheesy aliens, sexual chemistry (or none) between Don and Judy, Dr. Smith camping all over the place . . . *That’s *a movie I would have gone to see!

9

The Dukes of Hazzard was good, it was just mis-marketed. As Super Troopers 2, it’s an excellent movie. Of course, I also think it was made for the exact demographic that I’m in, so I can see where not everyone would like it.

10

How about David Hyde Pierce?

And, for what it’s worth, DUKES OF HAZZARD made plenty of money on a small budget: better than the MIAMI VICE remake did by playing it straight, better than the BEWITCHED remake did by clowning around, better than the A-TEAM remake did by splitting the difference, better than the WILD WILD WEST remake that should’ve drowned in the bathtub, you name it.

11

Really, any modern iteration of Edward Everett Horton or Franklin Pangborn would have been good–not as good as the great Jonathan Harris was, but . . .