For christ sake hollywood, will you please try to squeeze a single original idea out of your vacuous, ultra-conservative, overpaid heads. This thread has been inspired by these two news stories…
For fucks sake, just think of something. Anything. Stop making these shitty remakes. I thought that you couldn’t scrape the bottom of the barrel anymore than Charlies Angels 2 and Scooby Doo, but we’re actually tunnelling into the ground now.
It was cute to start with, but that charm ran out about a decade ago. I can’t stand any more of this shite. The dukes of hazzard was hardly a classic was it? And the A-team!?! Sounds like possibly the most stupid idea ever. Presumably B.A. Baracas will be CGI.
Both these ideas suck. Fans of the show won’t want to see them because they’ll destroy their memories of when they enjoyed the TV shows. Non-fans won’t see them because they’ll just seem lame on the big screen. The only reason anyone will go is to see Britney in denim cut-offs.
When Hollywood isn’t ripping of TV shows, they are making shitty remakes of older movies (The Italian job is set it Italy, you dickheads), continuing older movie franchises (SW) or copying successful comics.
Whats left to rip off? Can we expect Airwolf, Street hawk, the Fall Guy, Magnum PI? Wait, we haven’t done Happy Days yet. Lets do that and set it in the eighties. Brilliant…How about A.L.F.? We’ll get Robin Williams to play Alf…Howabout Diff’rent Strokes? How about Michael Clark Duncan to play Arnold?
Scary movie was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Actually, make that the Austin Powers movies. They should have never ever made sequels to these.
Really? Maybe it was just my friends, or maybe because we were too young to actually have any taste, but I totally think of Dukes of Hazzard as a classic! For years I named every doll, pet and stuffed animal I owned “Daisy”, Dukes of Hazzard was a standard schoolyard game (along with Superman vs Wonder Woman, and kissing tag), all the toy cars I still own are little replicas of the vehicles from the show, and I know that I am not the only woman out there in her late 20s or early 30s who thinks short jean shorts and frilly halter tops are damn sexy, even if we would never actually go out in public dressed that way.
Never really realized that maybe not everyone remembers the show as fondly as I do.
This thread has me thinking about Josie and the Pussycats… which of course was a dreadful movie, but I watched it for the pussycats, and I’d do it again.
Dukes of Hazzard is a classic. So is the A-Team. The A-Team movie should focus on what is left of the original cast and clearing their name, since no one will be able to recast B.A. Baracus correctly.
How about a movie where terrorists take over The Love Boat, fill it with nuclear weapons, and ram it into Fantasy Island (where, coincidentally, the cast of Bay Watch are working as life guards…)
Fade in to a dark, rocky, rainswept shoreline. Suddenly, from the inexplicably moonlit stormy waters, an articulated pseudopod emerges from the depths and caresses a tide pool.
Cut to action sequence. A blond, bowl-cut young man in tank top and short shorts stretches out a hand in a blowing windstorm.
"Johnny!"
Cut to action sequence. Lightning flashes to reveal a curly red-haired young man wearing overalls and no shirt entangled in tightening tentacles.
Montage of scared gay men in various poses of horror, interspersed with dark green tentacles, crashing waves, falling buildings, and massive explosions. Cut to black screen:
The Brady Bunch Movie probably established the trend, (although A Very Brady Sequel was a much funnier project, IMHO.)
Charlie’s Angels work well enough, although I haven’t seen the sequel.
The original shows were often so poorly-conceived that focusing on and emphasising their bizarre qualities to the point of grotesque exaggeration can be quite pleasing. I don’t think it’s a coincidence by any stretch of the imagination that these movies very faithfully reproduce the experience of watching syndicated television under the influence of LSD.
Assuming that an A-Team or Dukes of Hazzard project unfolds along these established lines, I can see plenty of potential for outrageous humour:
The gang administers another surreptitious intravenous injection to B.A. to facillitate getting him on a plane. The dosage is miscalculated, and B.A. goes into convulsions, vomits, and slips into a coma. During all this, everyone acts as though this is a perfectly normal occurance, and continues to make wisecracks. When he regains consciousness, B.A. makes no complaint, but merely narrows his eyes and shakes his head briefly, and then carries on as though nothing had happened at all.
When I was watching The Dukes of Hazzard, everyone “knew” that the Dukes’ were growing pot on their farm. (“Makin’ their way, the only way they knew how-- but that’s just a little bit more than the law will allow.”) Beyond that, exactly what sort of “good ol’ boys” are the Duke bros? We can infer that they were big Robert E. Lee admirers. Do they harbour resentments that the American Civil War turned out so “poorly”?
Either one of those projects could be a scream. Of course, they could turn out to be steaming piles of donkey droppings, too.
