I tells ya, I love Sunday Night Movies. They are so entertaining. For a cynical nitpicker like myself, that is. In past threads I have taken on such fabulous works of schlock as Shark Attack, Locusts, and Category 7: The End of the World. The acting, the writing, the directing, the key gripping – it’s all crap. The worst of the worst. Fertile soil for nitpicking.
So last night was Covert One: The Hades Factor. I’ll admit I didn’t do much nitpicking, as I was feeling a bit ill, but my GF did plenty. More than plenty. I’ll let other Dopers fill in the blanks as they see fit.
But I’ll descibe the basic plot.
The action started with a secret agent babe jet-setting around Europe trying to get information on terrorists. She would fly from city to city, and change her appearance often, mostly by restyling her hair. Possibly a double agent. And she has lots of clever gadgets. In one scene, she changed her appearence by cutting off her thin, straight brunette hair with a pair of scissors to reveal perfectly styled long thick blonde hair underneath. Her goal? Obtain the deadly virus being trafficked by Chechen rebels, who want to release it in the US. She spent most of the movie running and jiggling.
Her actions were barely tracked by Our Hero. Our Hero was a blond guy who seemed to never have time for a shave. He was once part of a secret US organization that tracks and prevents terrorist activity, Covert One. But he has since retired. They want to draw him back in. Of course, they also want to double cross him. They track his movements via a socially inept computer geek who can call up information on anything within milliseconds. Our Hero, being drawn back in, gets involved in high speed car chases and impossible shootouts. He seems almost – superhuman. Of course, if he doesn’t stop the deadly virus, millions of people will die! Oh, and of course, Chechen rebels and Afghani terrorists are behind it. And shady government types, needless to say.
His fiance, the other Beautiful Blonde, is not only in love with him, but she also works at a major medical center that is analysing the virus. Do I dare say whether or not she contracts it herself? This virus, by the way, is expected to wipe out the entire US population within 5 days. High-ranking generals/doctors have a nifty computer graphic which shows it speading geometrically across the country. They show this to the President, who is most concerned with not causing a panic among the public.
It’s like I’ve seen this deja vu before.
Part II airs next Sunday at 9pm.