While you have thought out the problem as to hours till hypothermia, have you asked yourself, “If I should fall asleep in the cozy cow, how will i get out when I wake inside a frozen beef?” Rocky Balboa was able to break the ribs of a side of frozen beef but he had room to wind up and throw his body into each punch. Cutting through frozen meat is no easy task either. You could easily find your arctic shelter becomes your arctic casket.
The Straight Dope - What’s the best animal to slice open and stay warm in?
I believe the assumption is that you will end up making a very long cut, which even if frozen you ought to be able to force your way through. It’s also debatable if you can fit all of yourself in the animal, or if you might have part of a limb out.
I can’t believe I’m discussing what sort of dead carcass would be best to weather a storm in. An elephant or a beached blue whale would be the best if you can find one. Or, as long as we’re giving rein to our fantasies, a giant sheep that hasn’t been shorn in years. Or a 3-story puffball.
Anyhoo, the point I really wanted to make was that the reason the scene with the Taunton was tacked onto the beginning of the movie was because Mark Hamill had injured his face filming the long-and-thankfully-forgotten “Corvette Summer”. The marks hadn’t healed so they wrote that scene to explain them. If you notice he plays the bits up to that point in profile so you can’t see the other side of his face.
This was done onscreen in 1971 in the Swedish film “The Emigrants”. I think an ox was the animal used. I saw the film 40 years ago, so memory might be mistaken, but it sure looked like they really opened up an ox to do it.
I was told it also happened in a film called “Jeremiah Johnson,” but I was unable to find the film to watch. And it didn’t matter really, as the thrust of the research I did for Cecil was to find a real-world case.
As a side note, I’ve gutted a few whitetail deer in the winter. Reaching up into the inners to pull out the guts warms the hands very nicely. The smell… not so good.
It wasn’t the tauntaun scene that was added to explain Hamill’s different appearance–it was the attack by the Wampa, who slashes Luke’s face.
I would think a Grizzly Bear would make a great carcass to climb into, with the benefit of a big bear hide to help keep one warm.
The downside is you have to first catch and kill a Grizzly Bear. A lightsaber might be useful for that. A pocket knife, less so.
What, no discussion of body temperatures? Is there much variation in body temperatures in mammals, are are they all in the 95 - 100 degree range?
“And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!”
It’s not clear if Una’s calculation in the article takes into account the insulating effects of the carcass itself. Being wrapped in a fatty/hairy sheath can really help keep one warm even after the carcass has cooled down. OTOH, the various liquids one would be exposed to inside can have a chilling effect.
I think a nice large seal would be good. Lots of blubber and warm fur, but clean the guts out first.
What about a few hundred minks?
When giving advice on survival in extreme cold assumptions should be spelled out as some fool could miss the assumption and end up dead. Also there is a story in my small town about a local man who was caught out in extreme cold while hunting. Fortunately he had brought down his game but lacked any way to get it or himself home due to the dark,cold and snowy conditions. He decided to skin his game and wrap himself in the hide. similar but different to the subject at hand I know. long story short the hide dried and froze over night and the hunter would have perished had his hunting buddies not come to find him the next morning. Essentially he was found in a fur lined frozen rawhide tomb with no way to free himself. While this has the ring of a rural myth it also sounds extremely plausible.
As to alternate plans, I like the many tiny animals model as opposed to crawling inside one big one since even if they all freeze you can still get out.
Yes, I found some technical papers which detailed the metabolic requirements of cattle in cold weather, and after taking out the metabolic requirements at a normal warm temperature, the difference is at least an estimate of the overall heat transfer. Not an exact science, but then the studies I found had a range of -60%/+300% on estimating animal heat transfer, depending on whether they were standing, sitting, which direction they faced, what breed they were, how shaggy their coats were, etc.
(Speaking Officially)
The Straight Dope column written by Cecil Adams is not intended nor implied in any way to serve the functions or form of a survival manual, nor to provide medical advice with respect to cold weather survival, or medical advice in any other manner.
Is it possible you can link to that story, or provide a scan of it? It may be interesting to Cecil as a follow-up note.
There is a Jack London short story where the protagonist (caught in a blizzard) remembers a story about someone surviving inside some large animal. He then attempts to catch his dog, thinking he could at least warm up his hands enough to make a fire.
I read the story over thirty years ago, so no idea of the name.
Mandatory reference to Three Dog Night goes here.
I know this is gross, but what if you set the cow carcass on fire? Would you be warmer in front of that fire? How long would it burn? A couple days maybe if you added some wood?
“To Build a Fire”, and I did read it. 
If you’ve got wood, and some way to set it on fire, what do you need with a cow carcass? Just start a campfire, and stay near it. The cow will probably come near too, and then you can lean up against the warm side of the cow, sheltered from the wind, and near the fire.
In fact, why would you ever kill an animal to crawl inside the carcass? Keeping it alive, and huddling together with it will keep you warmer.