“Unique, eye-catching ornaments” it says.
GODDAMNIT, I WANT MY EYE BACK. I might need it to look at something less hideous.
Like, amateur porn shots of Rosanne with Henry Kissinger.
That sounds quite, um, unique. I’ve seen them in vinyl with droopy eared dogs, but the gingham kitty sounds downright scary.
I remember as a kid helping my mom make soap sachets. She bought a particular brand of scented soap bars, and we wrapped nylon netting around them, tied it with a ribbon, then used straight pins to hold beads and sequins on the soap. I can’t remember if we made them as gifts or to donate to a church bazaar. Can you imagine coming across one of those years later, trying to figure out the point of it?
Ahhhh…I remember those. I also made them when I was a kid, mostly for Christmas gifts for my aunts and whatnot.
When we first bought our Victorian, I found a box in the upstairs of the carriage house that contained junkish old odds and ends. There was a half-eaten soap sachet in the bottom of the box, near an old mouse nest. Next to the ruined sachet were all the discarded bites of soap. I can just picture how the dumb mouse must gave gone, “Chomp–ptui! Chomp–ptui!”, until its little mouse brain registered the fact that the next bite would taste no better than the last. A craft has gotta be pretty pointless if even a mouse can’t make use of it, eh?
Oh dear…now we have “whimsy balls”.
Another senseless craft item: oversize necklaces, specifically the ones with long, thick metal chains and really big medallions. While these may not be true craft items, they definitely have the “handmade” look about them. I got one of these for my birthday from one of my mom’s friends. The medallion is about 3.5" long and 1" wide, and is supposed to be an enamel-on-metal representation of my college’s mascot. It looks like a piece of roadkill sprayed with Armor-All. Sad thing is, this person probably paid over $50 for it. I haven’t worn it in public yet, but I’m going to have to wear it in front of her at some point.
I actually like some kitschy, cutsie crap – if it’s fun kitschy, cutsie crap. For instance, I have a set of Butt Up people painted like Uncle and Mrs. Sam. My original plan was to have them holding a sign reading “Kiss This, Bin Laden!” but my husband wouldn’t let me. Instead, they’re bending over and sticking flags in the ground. I also have a “No Bitchin’ In The Kitchen” sign in my kitchen. It’s the closest I’ve been able to find to the sign I really want, reading “Don’t Fuck With The Cook!” Except my husband won’t let me have that one either. The big thing in Wisconsin right now is apparently wooden cutout monkeys that dangle from tree branches. I would like a couple of those except I want to paint a bikini on the girl monkey and swimming trunks on the boy monkey and have him have one hand inside his pants… Needless to say, my husband (party pooper) will probably veto that as well.
However, I absolutely draw the line at those creepy little Pouting Kids. Also anything with angels, bunny rabbits or teddy bears. And anything made of plastic canvas.
Gee, I just spent $120 at Michael’s, and that was with everything 60-70% off since they were closing that location.
But I have a weakness for baskets, and I love putting silk flowers in them. That’s the only “craft” I engage in (and one tole kitty wood cut-out) and since I’m the daughter of a florist I really don’t even consider it a craft - it’s more of an art! I also bought a ton of frames becuase it’s time to update all of mine and who can say “no” to 60-70% off!
But any other “craft”, especially if it’s “country”, raises my bood sugar.
I have never heard of those time-out things before, and think they are hideous and ridiculous.
But then, I never understood the Beanie Baby thing, either. No, it’s not a craft, but you see them sold in the same places and it seems the same kind of women buy both.
Interestingly, voguevixen, I found out by looking up Michael’s on the internet (hoping I could find other locations that were going out of business) that the reason that store is closing is becuase it’s going to be converted into a scrapbooking store! I read that and outloud said “Are you shittin me?” I can’t fathom how there could be that much money to be made in making a “scrapbook” but evidently there is.
panamajack you own me a set of lungs. When I visited that site, I hyperventilated. I’m going to mail that link to everyone I know. I have tears running down my cheeks from laughter. I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time.
This thread makes me sad. I can’t believe people go for that crap. But I’m glad I live in New Jersey where the country look isn’t quite so prevalent. I am a pretty serious crafter, but nothing I do is anything like whay you’re describing. I’ve never seen most of what you’re describing.
It saddens me that people spend their time hot-gluing prefab components together and calling it a craft.
Here is the place that I can tell of the Whale on a Stick and the Ruffled Fish.
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are crafty people. Over the years they have really honed these urges into true craftswomanship–my MIL does Native American beaded amulet bags that she sells for $250 apiece(she is actually Native American)…SIL quilts Fabulous, Gorgeous quilts that she does not sell, the truly lucky receive them as gifts.
But it was not always so.
MIL used to have as part of her home decor a stuffed calico whale that she impaled on a dowel with a brown ribbon around it. The whole affair was mounted on a base so it could stand alone.
SIL gave us as a gift a picture of a fish printed on fabric that she had quilted and put in an embroidery hoop with an eyelet ruffle around the outside. It wasn’t a cute fish, or a cartoony fish. It was an extremely realistic fish, a man’s fish if you will. Not the kind of fish to really benefit by close association with a ruffle.
Thank goodness they’ve moved on to better things.
By the way, I had heard of those time-out kids, but never seen them. :shudder: Blair Witch Project is right!
Here’s a scary craft idea! Or maybe this particular execution is scary…
That kid looks freaky on those pillows! That’d give me nightmares for sure!
Lorinada said, “I can’t fathom how there could be that much money to be made in making a “scrapbook” but evidently there is.”
I imagine one would have to have a life in order to collect enough ticket stubs, programs, photos, souveniers, knick knacks, and autographs to fill a scrapbook. Alas, I am excluded from this group by default.
I recently started scrapbooking… I do not take it to the extreme that many people do but it is fun for me.
I redid our wedding album and am working on my daughter’s album now. When I was a little girl my Nana put a book together for me to remember her and my Pa with. I’m all grown up now and I have the book but I have no context for any of the pictures in it … especially the really old pictures of my grandparents and their relatives taken when they were young. My mother is not a big help with this either.
I’d like my daughter to be able to look at her book and have a clue who the people were and where we were and what we were doing there. The scrapbook format works for me because I can leave as much or as little space for the story as I need. I can place pictures in that are wallet size or 8*10 if I want.
I’m also making a Monopoly scrapbook for all the funky things that can’t really be displayed otherwise.
My books are pretty simple… pictures, some story, stickers and a bit of paper… I don’t get the ribbon and tags and grommets and lace and all that other crap.
I open myself up for the antiscrapbook ridicule … just don’t throw anything too hard at me… I bruise easily!
Toilet Poop duck? ‘Time-out’ dolls? Upside-down faerie legs? Clothing for concrete ducks? Scrapbooking as a multi-billion-dollar-a-year industry??!
The things described in this thread are just… disturbing. And I speak as an artist who enjoys the works of Rob’t Williams. [sub]And there’s no way I’m going to link to his stuff from work![/sub]
Good God, I wouldn’t want that artist “rendering” anything. The kid’s face is lopsided and generally, well, evil-looking.
I’m tired of doorstops that you get at craft shows…my mother has collected several as gifts over the years. Basically, you sew a brick in a pillow, then attach a stuffed head with a big, smiling painted face. Of course, there are many variations; I think I have seen them in the country-classic geese. Argh.
I’m also generally annoyed by people who try to transform their home into that “cozy, country cottage” by buying things fake antiques. You know, a big wooden box that says “POTATOES” that’s used for laundry. Now, if you’re actually strapped for cash and you have to put your laundry somewhere besides a pile in the corner, you can go out to your neighborhood podunk grocer and find a nice box that used to have potatoes in it. But if you’re NOT destitute and can afford, ya know, a laundry hamper, or even just a basket… but why would you buy a finished hardwood box that says POTATOES ? ::shakes her head in confusion::
Above all, though…NO MORE “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy” SIGNS! I WILL SCREAM! I’m not sute why, but those things annoy the hell out of me more than any other crafty item…
<sigh>
Perhaps this is properly a GD topic, but it seems tragic to go through life unaided by talent and uninhibited by taste.
This thread, and especially the mention of plastic canvas, makes me glad my grandma’s dead.
Impaled whale art? Now that is frightening…
Sigh. I feel a need to come clean here. Back in the eighties, I went through a phase during which I made many, many embroidery hoop abominations. I bought a yard of preprinted “manly” fish–they may have been the same pattern that your SIL used, for that matter. I also bordered mine with lace and color coordinated ribbons. But I…I…I hate to say it…I didn’t quilt around the outline of the fish. I candlewicked around them.
In the early eighties, candlewick embroidery was a huge fad, and I “candlewicked” everything that would sit still in an embroidery hoop. Needless to say, in retrospect, decorating a fish with large white french knots was not a flattering idea. My less-than-subtle big brother once remarked, upon seeing one of my fishies, "I think that poor trout has ich. I went to the library and looked up what ich was, and never candlewicked another fish. 
Actually, these are very cool if they’re made from fabric. My grandma used to make them. They’re great baby toys, because they can grab them. I have fond memories of a pink and blue ball like this that’s probably still at my grandma’s house.
Plastic canvas, OTOH, is just nasty. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything good made out of plastic canvas. If you’re really determined, you can make anything out of it, from the ubiquitous tissue box covers to dollhouse furniture, purses, Christmas ornaments…ugh…
Some of the most hideous things that have been done in the name of crafts are clothing. F’rinstance, fabric that’s been cut to make lots of little pointed raggedy edges. I can’t find a picture to link to, but trust me, they’re hideous. Why would you want to wear something that looks like rags?
And bead-and-safety-pin concoctions. Enterprise Art has lots of 'em. If you need some free entertainment on a cold winter night, get one of their catalogs. You’ll be laughing for days!
The Beaded Windmill Lamp:
http://www.enterpriseart.com/index.php?cat=6433&logo=Item:%206433&page=product.php
The Beaded Bird Cage:
http://www.enterpriseart.com/index.php?cat=6706&logo=Item:%206706&page=product.php
Pavement Pets:
http://www.enterpriseart.com/index.php?cat=5794&logo=Item:%205794&page=product.php
Crystal Musical Castle:
http://www.enterpriseart.com/index.php?cat=4980&logo=Item:%204980&page=product.php
There are many more here:
http://www.enterpriseart.com/index.php?subcat=Bead
&cat=Kits&logo=Choose%20Item&page=item.php
I need to go rest my eyes now. It hurts. To be totally honest, I do own a crystal tree, but it’s all clear crystals, and it’s really quite nice.
ME
It looks to me like the kid is “trapped” inside the pillow…kinda reminded me of this dubious craft item! Oh, the horror!