Ugliest Decoration Ever? It may be in my apartment.

In My Humble Opinion
1

Okay, I’m sure this stuff actually pales in comparison to some of the stuff that’s out there. In fact, one time I searched for “ugly” on eBay and got a few people selling ugly lamps, including one wall-mounted light fixture that had a deer hoof sticking out of it. But I’m still amazed at some of the decorations my roommates decided to bring along with them.

This was originally an entry I posted on my LiveJournal, but I think it would be fun to get some responses and share my fantastically tacky decorations with you all. If you’ve got similar anecdotes I’d love to hear them!

The roommates I’m living with right now brought along some decorations that are completely baffling in how ugly they are. I’m sure that among them is the single ugliest, most tacky decoration ever made. I’d like to share them with you and get your input so I can decide which one is, indeed, the ugliest decoration in the world.

#1: Ugly Lamp

First off, this eyesore, which looks like something from A Clockwork Orange. I imagine it would fit in nicely next to a giant porcelain penis. The only good thing I can say about this hideous lamp is that it’s not the leg-shaped lamp from A Christmas Story.

#2: Three Foot High Medieval Knight

Perhaps somewhere in the world there is a place for my roommate’s collection of authentic swords he bought off the internet, not to mention this ugly medieval knight. But that place is not an 800 square foot apartment in the middle of Bellevue.

#3: Ugly Mirror Clock

This one gets my vote. One day one of my roommates’ parents showed up, and for some reason they decided to bring us this terrible clock. It doesn’t even work. It’s been sitting in the corner gathering dust for months. I had to set the timer on my camera to get myself in all of these pictures, because you really can’t get a sense of the sheer tackiness of these decorations without realizing how big they are. Perhaps this clock would be a good thing to own if we lived in the lobby of a train station rather than an apartment, but as it is it’s arguably the ugliest decoration ever made.

So far: Three people have responded to my LiveJournal entry. One person chose the clock, and two people chose the knight, including my sister, whose comment was “…seriously, why would you have a KNIGHT?” Yeah, I don’t get it either.

2

!!

That clock and lamp are HUUUUUGE!
I like the knight, though, where can I get one? :wink:

3

I choose the knight. At least the clock has a purpose (two actually), if you get the mechanism fixed.

When I was in college one of my roommates brought a giant swatch watch clock. Yes, it had a band and everything. The thing was probably 5 feet long. And this was in 1996. Swatch had long since passed its heyday.

Also, I kinda like the lamp. It’s got a cool retro feel to it. :cool:

4

I can’t help but see an old woman with curlers in her hair sitting under that lamp.

My vote is for the mirror clock. It’s certainly the most overbearing of the objects.

5

That clock would have to be my vote, but nothing can beat giant wooden forks and spoons as tacky (and often ugly) decorations.

6

I like the clock, so I’d have to vote for the knight.

7

I vote for the clock, too. It’s so…big. And mirror-y. The lamp is kind of cool, and knights really never go out of style (although it’s much better to have a full-size knight than a little bitty knight).

My vote for the tackiest home decoration ever goes to a gift some friends of mine got for their wedding–a clock shaped like a toilet lid. They sold it at a yard sale–we had bets going for how long it would take to get rid of, and I think it sold pretty quickly.

If that’s not enough tackiness for ya, how about this Santa toilet seat cover? :eek:

8

Okay, in all honesty I don’t think the lamp is that bad on its own, but trust me, it looks really out of place in this tiny apartment. Likewise, the knight would probably look good outside in a garden by a pond or something, but in the middle of the hallway, it’s an eyesore.

9

I have a knight like that, except mine has an axe, which makes him much cooler. He sits in the main room of our house, next to our corner table.

I also had one of those giant swatch watches on my wall (I was 12!). It did not come with me when I moved out at 23, although it was still in the house somewhere.

I would vote for the clock as well. But I’m not sure my opinion in this thread counts for very much, considering some of the decorations I have chosen to have.

10

I’ve seen a version of that that has “Ho Ho Ho” written on the top of the cover, and “Oh Oh Oh” written on the underside.

11

The lamp is cool.

The clock is not vintage yet…the knight rocks.

I don’t think you are trying hard enough to find stuff. Just hit the salvation army.

Yesterday I saw the rockingest orange vinyl recliner. Like road repair cone orange. I wanted it so bad…
This coming from someone who has, I shit you not, a stainless steel female urinal on display next to a glass male urinal and a piss pot on a shelf. (With flowers.)

I’ve always wanted moose antlers or a moosie head in my living room.

But, if you want tacky…my mother in law crochets toilet seat lid covers. She uses her talent for evil…pure evil.

12

That’s all you got? Man, you ain’t *seen * ugly or tacky yet. Your stuff, while not to your tastes, isn’t that bad.

My aunts, on the other hand, are right in the running for ugliest lamp. Sadly, I don’t have pictures. One has a lamp with a normal shade, but this horrible, awful amber glass base. And amber teardrops - mustn’t forget the teardrops. I’ve always hated this lamp, even when I was little and had no taste. But my other aunt has a hanging lamp that’s comprised mainly of plastic pink coins, 'bout two inches in diameter, that are supposed to look something like shells or mother of pearl or something. They hang in rows, with graduated levels that get fuller towards the top. It’s probably 4 feet long. And hideous.

But my grandmother has the worst of all. She’s got a lamp that features a naked lady in sort of a greek setting with small pillars around it, surrounded by small wires that spiral up from the bottom to the top to form the lamp’s outer rim. And when you turn it on, oil droplets flow down these wires, supposedly to make the lady look as though she’s bathing. It’s horrid.

13

Shirley, I gotta agree with you. They’re cool. Oh - my husband and I have a moose. It’s a chainsaw carved one. We’ve named it Spartacus. We also have a mounted jackalope. Oh - and those signs you get off of tractor trailers that say flammable, and caustic and stuff - we have four. They’re on the wall over our couch too along with the Danger Explosives in Use sign. And some model trains. And we have a horse mounted on our ceiling in it’s own little paddock. Upside down facing north. And a huge, handpainted compass. On the ceiling. It’s cool. I can send you a picture of the ceiling horse to your email in your profile if you like.

My husband drinks and decorates just in case you were wondering…

14

Amatuer. You want ugly? I’ll give ya ugly.

15

Wow, I can see so clearly in my mind’s eye the house those all go in.

I can even smell it.

16

I can top you. I can top you all!

I give you: The Ram’s Head Snuff Mull.

And I want it. Bad.

17

Harriet Carter’s not all bad–after all, she did give us the Tiki Head Tissue Dispenser. It just doesn’t get any cooler than that!

Missy, your house sounds fantastic! I never thought about drinking and decorating–that’s a great idea!

18

Man, that clock is Tacky-with-a-capital-T! The knight’s kind of cute. I’d name him Percival, 'cause I’m obvious like that.

19

I think it violates the spirit of the thread to tout ugly things you don’t actually own…jus’ saying is all.

Hell, I could post a picture of James Carville and win hands down, but I won’t.

20

With the possible exception of the knight. I think that the furniture mentioned isn’t really tacky so much as it doesn’t work for the apartment.

While not really a decoration in the sense that we owned it, my last apartment might win for ugliest decor. THe living room had three walls of black mirror. I don’t mean a dark mirror, I mean black mirror ceiling to floor. The built in bookcases were finished in black mirror. The outlet covers, black mirror. The window blinds were only mirrored. Most of my friends joked that the place looked like the set of a bad 70s porn flick.