The Bane of My Living Room: A hand-me-down story

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m starting my spring cleaning early, because my SO and my three-year-old are camping in New York for a couple of days. And I’m eyeing the living room lamps that my SO’s step-mom gave us.

Apparently, he’s loved these lamps since his childhood, which is why they came into our possession. (And let’s keep in mind, the decorating tastes of a child are not exactly what I had in mind for my living room, or else I’d let my own kid do it, and we’d have Spongebob and NASCAR and Elmo all over the place.) The lamps are a coordinating pair, one of which has a log cabin as the base, and the other of which has a covered bridge (I think, but it’s hard to tell quite what it’s supposed to be) as the base. There are little wooden fences and wooden shrubbery and such around the bases. Sort of faded gold lampshades, very 1970s, and impossible to dust or clean properly. Quite hideous, if you ask me.

And they’re the ugliest things I’ve seen since… well, ever. My grandmother (the tacky grandmother on my dad’s side, not the classy grandmother on my mom’s side) might have liked them, but I suspect even her tastes were a trifle more sophisticated. Hey, she just had green felt alligator and frog magnets stuck to her fake brass pole lamps in the living room, but no log cabins and covered bridges.

If he weren’t so attached to these monstrosities, they would “accidentally” get broken. I’ll bet some freak would pay good money for ‘em on Ebay, but I don’t dare. My weakness is that I love the guy too much, so I’ll tolerate this crap in my living room. I don’t even have the heart to tell him that I think they’re horrible, because he adores them so much and was so pleased to get them.

I noticed that his step-mom replaced these things with a couple of very nice Tiffany lamps. I got the raw end of this deal…

Maybe I could develop an allergy to tackiness?

2

So I’m assuming hubby doesn’t have a den or a basement getaway that’s in desperate need of auxiliary lighting?

Maybe you could find a relative to “give” you some really nice Tiffany lamps that couldn’t go anywhere else but the living room.

3

So you’re saying this – the latest addition to my living room decor – wouldn’t appeal to you? :smiley:

4

<Rachael from Friends> Then you’d just have to eat the other lamps! </Rachael from Friends>

5

FairyChatMom might have a chandelier to … um … augment the decor …

6

I take it you wouldn’t also like the outhouse lamp we have in the basement? My dad won it in a golf tournament when I was a kid. Thinking back, I am shocked at how many years it was upstairs in the family room where people could see it.

7

Oh, I know exactly where you’re coming from. My husband inherited a brown, pot-bellied, big-nosed gnome from his grandmother’s collection when she died. I would never in a million years tell him what to do with it, but it is easily the ugliest thing in the house. Fortunately, he also thinks it’s ugly, so it stays in his room where he can appreciate the sentimental value.

His family, although I love them dearly, have terrible taste in home furnishings, and their gifts to me are…well, I appreciate the thought. I really do. It’s made me realize that you really shouldn’t buy home furnishings for anyone else.

8

Back away from the lamps!

Sudden breakage or disappearance will lead to a life of bitter recriminations, and rightfully so. On the other hand, they do sound ugly and are open to negotiation, especially if hubby has his own space to keep them in. (Good idea, Finagle!) Maybe suggesting Tiffany lamps would work, as long as he’s consulted first.

My ex would sometimes make stuff disappear without asking what I thought about it. Pissed me right off!

9

Well, I guess we could build a village of tacky lamps! Are you serious – an outhouse lamp? That would fit in perfectly!

twickster, that lamp doesn’t even come close to the tackiness level of these. Not that I care for it much, but these are seriously awful. They look like they were built by stoned Cub Scouts, and I suspect that’s the sort of project they were. Very junior high shop class.

And yeah, Finagle, these are perfect for a guy’s den or workshop or man-space. But he still has to share space with me, until we have a garage or basement or spare room or somewhere for him to play. I know that the next time I visit my mom, she has some lovely crystal lamps she’s been saving for me, so I can pull the pity card then (because “I NEVER get to see my mom, and she’s been saving these for me, and they’d look so pretty in here…”)

10

Brilliant! :dubious:

MissGypsy You are much kinder than my SO, stuff she doesn’t like just disappears. :eek:

11

It could be worse.
You could have Star Wars Lego models all over the house. I have at least 20 in my spare bedroom. The perimeter of OUR bedroom is covered with Star Wars figures which are still in their original packages and Lego Star Wars ships. I have Yoda in my living room, along with at least one of the Tunderbird vehicles. I will admit that the Gollum fig is mine but he’s only about 2 inches tall. I also have a life size Spock in my spare room. We also have the FooDog. It’s bright green and about 2 feet high. It looks like it might be Chinese in origin. It used to be a lamp which one of my fiancee’s family members made. It’s so friggen ugly but I will admit that it’s grown on me over the years.

My tast is more of a log cabin style than Star Wars. I like chunky wood furniture, lamps instead of overhead lighting, dark colors - rustic stuff. Instead, I have space ships and aliens. It’s amazing what we’ll put up with for the happiness of those we love.

12

I’ve got a deer head on the wall in my living room. Could be worse, my father-in-law showed up with three of them, all my husband’s from his hunting. One’s out in the front hall, and I think we gave the third back. He knows I’m not overly thrilled with it, but I told him that I care about him being happy with the decor too.

I find it amusing, though, since hanging right next to it is a portrait (done by a brother-in-law) of Ed Gein, who did a bit of taxidermy as well, but on humans.

13

Now for some reason, that just reminded me of the time my dad was in the hospital recovering from a massive, near-fatal heart attack, and his sister Jeanne sent him a small statue of a donkey. My mom speculated that perhaps Jeanne thought my dad was an ass, but I think it was meant to be a joke of some sort. Not sure, considering that aunt and her wacky sense of humor. Then again, that was from the tacky side of the family, so who knows…? Mom still uses that thing as a bookend, but at least she keeps it on the bookcase in the spare room so it isn’t readily visible.

rjk, I don’t blame you a bit. I’d be ticked if my tacky stuff vanished, too.

congodwarf, you have far more tolerance than I. Actually, my SO would be pretty geeked about the Star Wars stuff, too, and possibly willing to trade the log cabin lamps for some of it, but I refuse to even mention it to him. He would just get more ideas about hideous things to put in our home.

And a deer head, Ferret Herder? I will NOT have a dead animal head hovering over me, and I find it only slightly less horrifying than the Ed Gein portrait you mentioned. But I have to ask – your brother-in-law did a portrait of Gein? Why, how, and when? That’s just about the oddest thing I’ve heard today.

14

So it was “A major award”, eh? Did it come in a crate marked “FRA-GI-LEE”?

15

It kind of even’s out in the end with the stuff I make him put up with. My annoying stuff isn’t household items though. I watch girlie movies and horror movies when he’s in the room. :smiley: I also got him listening to Country music so I figure that I owe him.

16

You are not alone. I happen to own a very tacky lamp myself. It was given to us by our furniture store when they failed to deliver our furniture on time. This lovely lamp has a naked angel carrying off a naked woman with the light being the angel…well the angel staff. It’s black and just digusting but my husband insists it’s interesting and won’t let me get rid of it or replace it. I think one of these days the lamp might fall down and shatter into a million pieces while I dance with glee. At least I hope that’s what will happen, with my luck my husband will have it copied and it will be my headstone when I die. I really hate that lamp.

17

congodwarf, I don’t want to hijack this thread too much, but how did you hang up all of those Star Wars Lego models? My son made a big one at Christmas, and I’d like to hang it up instead of dismantling it to be lost forever in the 55-gallon drum o’lego.

18

When I was a teen my mother worked for the Channel 2 Auction in Boston. And, well, during the time we were involved, well, umm, there began the legend of the authentic Victorian lamp (I think, it might have been a chair.). This monstrosity was the sort of thing that you have to see in person to truly appreciate the aesthetic horror of it. I know what I speak of, since every year, since it was donated, it would be put up for auction, and at auction it would get a number of bids. And you could tell on TV it was ugly.

But every time the prospective buyer would actually show up at the pick up site to pay for the thing, well, they’d do this shuddering dance of pure horror that everyone I’ve ever known to see it for the first time makes. It’s some kind of genetic thing, I think, going back to the days of our caveman ancestors, when the only things that gaudy were predators or poisonous - I don’t know what the purpose of the dance was, except maybe to warn the rest of the tribe before the dancer gets eaten, sorta like jumping on the grenade to save the squad, but it’s an instinct.

After they were done with the dance, they’d apologise profusely, and say (usually) they couldn’t dare bring that home with them. They’d be glad to give the price of their bid as a donation, but please, please, for the Love of Og, don’t make them take it with them. So, we’d notify the next highest bidder that they’d won the thing. And we’d repeat the horror dance and the donation thing, and work through EVERYONE who bid on it, even the piddly $5 bids… and no one would take the thing.

A few times someone actually did take it home…

And within a week, or two at most, the thing would be back.

Compared to that, your log cabin and bridges just don’t sound that interesting. :stuck_out_tongue:

19

As God is my witness, I saw one of those on Christmas Eve.