So I have this friend who is a bit of a drama queen. She is either on top of the world or depressed. Never in between.
Well today we are texting and she is lamenting her lack of employment and boyfriend. She says she should just kill herself and get over it over with. I say, “that’s not funny and if you don’t reply immediately saying you didn’t mean it I will call 911 and send them to your house.”
Well she doesn’t reply and won’t answer when I call. She has pulled this shit before and was just looking for attention I guess so I assumed that was the case this time. But on the other hand if she did do something and I didn’t act I would always blame myself. I called a friend who lives near her and asked him to check on her. He called her right then and she answered and said she was fine. She then texted me and apologized. I told her not to ever do this again.
It can be terrifying when people do this. After someone did it to me from thousands of miles away, I largely decided “fuck 'em”. If someone wants to put me through that, they’re not a friend.
You know she will pull shit like this again, right? That is how she is, and the drama queen trait is more like a personality disorder the like a bad habit. They cant “just stop” acting like that.
Some people like being around drama. They feel they can help ( not true) or they just like the excitement. The drama queen gives them stories to share , like you do here.
Oh she definitely will. And no I don’t like drama. As I get older I like it even less and less. I’ve already put quite a bit of distance between she and I because of this sort of behavior.
I also realize I can’t really help her. Nothing I say ever gets through. She only responds to negativity.
Well, first of all, don’t make ultimatums that you’re not going to follow through on. You played into the drama big-time there, especially because you had to bring another person into it so you wouldn’t have to follow through on the ultimatum that you made.
That said, she put you in a position where you had no choice but to do something, so while the ultimatum may not have been the best idea specifically, she did threaten suicide to get attention. That’s completely unacceptable.
Your best option is to scale back the friendship severely. I’d say to drop her like a bad habit (which she is), but that might cause a drama explosion. Get some excuses ready for why you’re talking to her less, and ideally, don’t breathe a word of what you’re doing to any mutual friends.
I’m not being snarky here, by why ARE you friends with her?
I have a very much loved relative who often ends complaints and tales of woe with “I wish I were dead.” Not a drama queen, but a sensitive soul with profound anxiety problems.
The first time she laid it on me I actually took preventive measures, not quite as serious so calling 911, but similar.
In the 20 years since that first time, I’ve heard it so often my reaction is to ignore it. And to be angry yet again that she still subjects me to it.
A few years ago I let go of my best friend of nineteen years because of this type of insanity. His wife called me one morning saying that he threatened to have a shoot out with the police. This, in addition to many other destructive things he has done, ended my friendship. He turned into someone ugly. I don’t want this bullshit in my life. I had many great adventures with this guy and I remember the original ‘him’ like a brother. Sadly, it is now goodbye and good luck.
As someone who used to be suicidal a lot, what’s she’s doing is not something to fuck around with. And if the only reason she is is for drama, then in my estimation, there’s only one thing left to do… not make your ultimatum empty. The next time you’re in that position and utter the same warning, follow through. She’ll either be shamed enough by the negative attention to stop entirely (as she damn well should) or at least quit bringing you into her little pathetic grabs for attention. No matter what, your peace of mind will be assuaged.
Or, alternatively, OP calls 911; the paramedics show up in their shiny red fire engine, light a-blazing and sirens a-blaring; several EMT’s asking lots of questions and lots of commotion. All that attention! Now, your drama queen thinks she had died and gone to Drama Queen Heaven!
In my humble experience, the harsh reality of dealing with those who are used to fake cries for help, never really encourages them to do that sort of behavior again. It’s not for the faint of heart. Well, perhaps a masochist.
In my experience those who play the Drama Queen Game are playing it to exert control over themselves and others. When Authorities come to play, they get all the control and in a big way.
Just an observation… 'call the cops" you of course know that the police can really do nothing… Calling the cops has become like a default switch… Not to threadshit… but if you were to call… basically knock on the door…if they don’t answer they leave… That’s it… no follow up…no report… Their really needs to be a more productive idea…
In the past when she’s done this, I’ve always responded the same way. I say “tell me right now you don’t mean this or I am calling 911.” She always responds and says she doesn’t mean it. This time she didn’t do that, which is why I got nervous.
Not in my neck of the woods in Texas. You try that shit and you’ll find yourself in a police car on the way to a temporary hold in a psych ward until they’re certain you’re not a danger to yourself anymore.