Critique my personal ad!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As some of you know, I’m back in the world of cyberdating again – and having commented on several ads in the past, it only seems fair to give you a chance to return the favor.

Here is my emode ad (emode.com/personals – my username is, astonishingly enough, “twickster” if that link doesn’t work for you; it works for me, but I’m a member, so…)

So far so good with it – it’s been up two weeks and I’ve gotten two nibbles, plus met one woman who wants someone to hit galleries with. I had coffee with her a few days ago and feel like we could end up being friends. Usually I get about 1 contact per 100 views, so this seems like a successful ad. (It’s intended to be a trifle off-putting – I want guys to self-select for those who are actually interested, not just looking for a warm whatever for a one-night-stand.)

Whaddya think? (takes deep breath and sits back.)

2

I like it. Straightforward, concise, written with personality. I’d introduce you to my brother based on that… well, except it wouldn’t be fair to inflict my brother on someone I consider a friend! :smiley:

I can’t speak with a male point of view, obviously, but if I read a man’s ad which was similar, I’d be interested enough to respond. That is, if I was on the market, which I’m not. And I’m not just saying that in case my husband reads this!

Seriously - I think it’s a good presentation!

3

Can’t see any problems on this end.

100% agreement inre Turnoffs=Baby talk.
God, that is infuriatingly (?word?) annoying.

My question: Is there a reason for this being in the pit?

4

Holy cripes.

No, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

At least one of us know which forum they’re posting in.

:::hangs head in shame and slinks away in the dark:::

5

It’s good and straight forward. Doesn’t fall into a lot of the pitfalls you often see in personal ads. I’ve never seen that site, have you or anyone had good results with it?

6

“. . . looking for someone who’s smart and funny enough to let go of snobbery” (facsimile)

I would let got of the “snobbery” reference. The term doesn’t tie in with anything else in your ad. Snobbish about what?

Just leave it at “looking for someone who’s smart and funny.”

I would also suggest a different picture. Your face has great lines, but the picture you chose:

  1. Has you looking off camera. (I wondered what you were looking at.)

  2. Photo - The hair is sticking up in back is not flattering. It looks like a good haircut for your face, but the back of your hair had me thinking, “Bam! Bam!” (Flintsone’s “Pebbles” reference)

Maybe if you had a photo that was a little more clear, smiling (you obviously have a great smile) and showing a bit of your shoulders/chest. (Not a cleavage shot, but when you are “a few pounds overweight” a little bit more information on body build is good.)

Heck, if you were in my area I’d probably reply to your ad. The text was good and straightforward.

Whistlepig, who’s 41 and single and “a few pounds overweight” and looks better from chest up than in a head shot.

7

Oh schmurt!

I meant that the PHOTOGRAPH had great lines. It was a nice composition as far as pose and open space.

I did not mean to imply that your face was lined, or that you had wrinkles, etc. I’m sure you do (being 48) and women should have laugh lines and whatever other lines come with age and better a woman with character than some Botox Barbie who leaves you unable to understand her mood because her face doesn’t move and . . .

Have I made myself clear?

Damn, even in an email I can say the right thing the wrong way to an attractive woman.

8

Threadcount is important!

9

Thanks for your comments, everyone!

FCM – don’t worry, I woudn’t set anyone up with my brother, either. And I promise not to tell FCD that you’re reading online personals if I meet him when the Wimmins Lunch finally happens.

Minlokwat – although there have definitely been times when tales of my cyberdating adventures have belonged in the Pit, this isn’t one of them. Don’t oo wowwy oo’s widdle head about the mistake.

Zap – as I said, the ad’s only been up there two weeks, but I’ve gotten two solid nibbles (IMing with one guy, playing phone tag with another) already, which is a better response than my other ads are getting. (That’s one of the reasons I was asking for your guys’ take on this – I might want to change the wording in some of the other ads.)

whistlepig – don’t worry about it – I understood what you meant about the lines! (I think. In any case, I wasn’t upset by what you said. Well, not too upset! :wink: ) (Actually, since I haven’t left anyone tongue-tied with my beauty in a long time, I guess I should be flattered!)

Re: the photograph – like a lot of people, I photography badly – this is one of the few good photos of me taken in recent years. It’s cropped from one of my all-time favorite snapshots – it was taken on the beach (thus the mussed hair) and I’m looking at my sister, and raising my arm to do “bunny ears” behind her head, in the original. I probably should get a new pic – esp. since my hair is now shoulder length, no bangs – but I get so darned self-conscious when I know my picture is being taken that they almost inevitably come out badly. I’ll see if I can line up someone to take a new pic, and crop to get a little more of my torso in.

Re: snobbishness – I guess it does come across as kind of out of left field, hunh? What I was thinking, though, is that sometimes people who like going to museums and reading lit-ra-chure (which are both things I like to do) are snobby about watching junk TV and reading big-circulation magazines (which are also both things I like to do). Maybe the fact that I mention both kinds of activities is enough.

eunoia – so, you’re saying I should mention the actual threadcount? :stuck_out_tongue:

10

FWIW, I cast a vote for (or rather I don’t cast a vote against) what you said about the snobbery. I knew what you meant and I agree…I like lit-ra-chure too, but this does not stop me from buying People magazine once or twice a month. And it bugs me when people are uppity about that sort of thing.

I’m not a man, which I mention only because sometimes women know what other women mean when men don’t…

11

“Snobbery” is okay, esp. if you’re looking to weed out candidates. The pic is also fine, in the “all the info you need to know right now” category. You don’t want to do a full body pic, I don’t think. Incidentally, I did a search, and it was nice to know that I seem to have been favoring similarly-situated women in the abstract as well as in the concrete:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=150480

12

I read your ad and feel angry that you don’t live closer to me. We’d have such a good time together!

13

Just wanted to say hello to a fellow Philadelphia-ite!

14

Thanks for the vote of confidence, tesseract! Of course, if two women know what the “no snobs” comment means but Mr. Right doesn’t, perhaps we have a problem…

Ah, mon cher pseudotriton, I had totally forgotten our encounter in that thread. I hope you have some delightful middle-aged woman giving you the lovin’ you deserve.

Long time no see, Cranky! I was thinking about you the other day – when are we gonna start our reading group? I’ll email you. (Whatsa matter, don’t you have a brother who isn’t good enough for me? :wink: )

Greetings from East Falls, Bongmaster – I’ve noticed your location before. Any chance you’ll come by a Philly Doper dinner so we can meet? (Of course, I say I’m going to go far more often than I go, but perhaps that will change.)

15

I like it.
Straightword, sincere, yup…
You didn’t mention elephant ears, sea dragons or old bones… maybe thats why I never get guys:(

Seriously, a good ad.

fingers crossed Good Luck!

16

It makes you seem like an easy going woman and the photo is great, because it’s not some glamour thing, plus you look like someone who likes a good laugh,

I noticed you rated extreme to ‘non-traditional’ relationships.
What does that mean?

17

My only advice would be to consider dropping the figure skating reference unless it is really important to you. I would guess that a majority of men are really turned off by figure skating.

But if you love figure skating and can’t stand the thought of being with a man that didn’t like to watch it too, leave it in. Otherwise, I’d think about taking it out.

Bear in mind that I live in Oklahoma and ice skating in general is not very popular here, so my view of the world is quite skewed. You’d have to change it to Rollerderby to get a date in the Sooner State.

18

I think it’s a great ad. If you leave it exactly as it is, I expect you’ll have hoards of perfectly lovely guys chasing you around in no time. (Chasing in a good, bunnies-in-spring sort of way, not in a horror movie way.)

That said, I think that there are several things you could do to improve it:

  1. The picture. Picture is probably the most important part of the personal ad. Someone who is careless about their picture will often be assumed to be careless about their appearance in general. If you have a friend with a digital camera, invest some time in really trying to get a nice picture. Let them (or other friends) guide you in selecting the most flattering picture.

  2. Remove the phrase '“I don’t “work out”, but” from the How She’s Different section. The sentence “I stay active with tap-dancing…” is much stronger on its own without that.

  3. I would maybe try to spice up the “What I’m Passionate About” and “My Hangouts” sections. I haven’t read other ads on the site, but it seems odd to say you’re passionate about eleven things, including watching tv. I see what you’re trying to convey, but maybe a lot of these interests can be laid out in the hangouts section, e.g. “doing a crossword puzzle in a coffee shop”. Also, you mentioned watching tv up in How She’s Different, so leave that out. You mention museums in hangouts so maybe leave out Fine Art unless you are truly passionate about art in other ways (in which case elaborate). Maybe list some favorite albums under Music I’m Into.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think the list of interests really gives a lot of information, whereas more specific sentences might. The How She’s Different and What She’s Looking For sections give a much better idea of what you’re like.

  1. Don’t mention figure skating. It sends all the wrong signals. I like watching figure skating as much as anyone, but I wouldn’t pursue a girl who specifically listed that as the only sport she likes to watch. If you hate to leave it blank, put something quirky like luge or competitive badmitton. Who doesn’t like watching luge?

Please don’t take the long list of suggestions as evidence that your ad is not currently good. It really is. These are just things I thought could potentially make it even better.

19

Excellent suggestions – thanks, giraffe! Since you and KRM are agreed on the figure-skating thing, I’ll definitely take that out. And I appreciate the specificity of your remarks – I’ll take another look at it (tomorrow, when I’m not quite so fried).

superstar – the scales are based on the results of various personality tests – I have wondered myself exactly what that means. (I’m not sure that, left to my own devices, I would have pushed the slide quite that far over.) I think it means if you’re looking for Suzy Homemeaker – keep looking. :smiley: