I’ve decided to put an ad in Yahoo personals. I was reading about people who met online (in the LDR thread) and it doesn’t seem as much of a snowballs chance in hell as I thought it would be to meet people online.
I was wondering if there were any laidies out there who observed specific things in the personal that were ‘dealbreakers’. I can’t control much on how I look, but I can write my description/what I’m looking for in the best possible light.
Also, any advice on what kind of photo to use? I have a very interesting/funny picture of me underwater with my glasses on that I was thinking about using, also my graduation picture (though that was taken 5 years ago…I don’t have the long hair I had in the photo.
A friend of mine has just tossed her hat in the on-line dating ring. (You can read some more about some strange replies in my pit thread).
I think your ad really depends on what you are looking for. In my friend’s case, she is really interested in finding a long-term mate and, as such, tried to present herself in the most honest light (even if it means that some may see certain parts as unflattering). She ran it by some friends ahead of time and asked us to be brutally frank. I think she did a great job with her ad and that it really reflects who she is. For her part, she is interested in trying to find the right person, not just a great person.
Also, she has two recent phots that just capture what she looks like. She’s not all dressed up, nor does she have spinach hanging out of her teeth. Just average, nice photos.
We’ve kibbitzed ads before, we’ll do it again – post your draft (or a link), and all kinds of people will be happy to jump in with comments.
Go ahead and be yourself. If you’re a doper, you’re probably some combination of smart and nerdy – make sure that comes through. I personally get very few responses to my ad (unusual for a woman), but I was honest in my ads about things like educational level (PhD) and interests. I don’t need a guy with his own PhD (my current bf didn’t graduate from college), just one who isn’t freaked out at the thought of it.
Humor is good, but a little self-deprecation goes a loooooooong way.
Also, you may want to post ads at more than one site – I’m a big fan of salon-dot-com, where you can post for free then buy a batch o’ credits for responding when you want, rather than pay a montly fee.
The picture is key. Spend time getting a flattering picture. You don’t have to Photoshop your head onto Brad Pitt’s body, but it really should make you look your best. Most importantly, your smile should look relaxed and comfortable. Ironically, you may have to take many pictures until you get just the right level of casualness in your picture.
Otherwise, be honest about who you are and what you’re looking for. Be funny and a little self-deprecating.
Crap, I wrote a long response and the hamsters ate it.
Short version:
Be honest and be specific. If you get weird responses that don’t seem to fit your ad, the more specific you were, the less bad you’ll feel about ignoring them, because obviously they didn’t read you closely and won’t care that much if they don’t hear back. If you’re vague, you won’t be able to tell who read you closely and who didn’t, and you’ll have to respond to everybody.
Of course, by the same token, remember that in the online dating world, “woman seeking man” gets far more responses than “man seeking woman.” You might want to think of your ad not so much as a means of generating responses, and more like something the women you contact can look at as part of their decision whether or not to reply.
(My qualification for answering: I met my wife via online personals. So yeah, they do work sometimes.)
Dealbreakers: any guy who babbles on and on about how “attractive” or “financially secure” he is. To me, anyway, nothing is less attractive than a guy who is super-fixated on his appearance, or who thinks that my priority is to be super-fixated on his appearance. Same goes for the second item. I care about how the guy is going to treat me, not whether he is Mr. Filthy Rich Fashion Plate. But then maybe I’m just a freak. I suppose it depends what kind of woman you’re looking for.
Say something personal and unique about yourself that distinguishes you from the other zillions of posters. Same goes for describing the type of person you are seeking.
Also, stay away, stay far away, from using endearing gooey sentiments right off the bat: Sweetie, Luv, Hon, or getting too comfy too quick. Nothing used to be a bigger turn-off to me than dating a guy once or twice and having him act like we had been together for six months.
I wish there were personals for just fun and frolic. No lont term relationships. Oh wait they already have that they’re called hookers. I still think personals (no hookers allowed) for people that just want to have a little fun.