We have a dog from hell. A very small min-pin too smart for her own good. She also has some sort of addiction to crotch and butt smells in pants that only she can smell even after being washed. She will never sniff anyone’s crotch, but a pair of pants are fair game. Mostly my wife is the one who has had several pairs of pants found in the middle of the floor, dragged out of the laundry or the dresser, with the entire crotch eaten out of them leaving a softball sized hole.
I thought it was funny until yesterday when I got to work, and after two meetings, a couple hours of wandering halls and a lot of whispering, smiles and laughter (hey everyone is happy on friday, right)?, felt something cold. I thought I had sat down on something wet and casually reached back. Sure enough, down low, on the seam, a four inch hole was eaten out of my slacks, right at butthole level. This normally wouldn’t be a problem except I was, as usual, playing commando. My shirt wasn’t long enough to cover it. All I could do was laugh and head to the restroom and staple the hole together. That worked well until I sat down once a litle too fast and pulled the seam open, which meant I pulled about 15 staples open, which, when I plopped down, firmly stapled my pants to my ass in a circle around my butthole. (yeah, it smarted) Wasn’t much else I could do but quietly stay in my office as much as possible, and wait to get home. By then, I had found it all pretty funny cuz it’s the story of my life, so Hell-Dog is still alive. I was just annoyed cuz it’s the third time I’d ever worn those pants and was really starting to like them.
No (gasp) I do NOT want that damn dog…I already have a Jack Russell who has eaten every pair of shoes that I own. Nobody else in the house has lost a pair but ME! He seems to prefer only MY shoes. I now have about 3 pairs of shoes that for some reason, he has chosen to ignore.
But, I have to say…this is the funniest OP I have ever responded to. My husband and I were laughing so hard it took several minutes for me to gather my composure and post! I can only imagine you walking around with your ass shining for all the world to see! (more screamlaughter)
Sorry…(trying to stop shrieking)
I know this was a royal pain in the, uh, neck, but maybe you ought to make sure all dresser drawers, closets, and laundry room doors are SHUT from now on. In my case, Ozzie can pick the sliding doors open on my closet, so I am helpless to his attacks. I hope this isn’t the case with you.
And thank you so much for posting this…I really needed that laugh today!
Turbo Dog ~ I know what you mean, but I can bet our Miniature Schnauzer was worse than your panty-crotch eating dog. She used to not only gnaw on underwear, but used to get into the trash. She liked to attack at “that time of month” and when we had baby diapers thrown away. We would always be trying to find new ways of trying to get by her problem, but she was vewy, vewy sneaky. Hee, hee.
I once had a girlfriend who insisted on getting a cat, so we pick up the cute little kitten, and revel in it’s cuteness. I also used to sleep nude then, I don’t anymore, after waking up from one dream (Niiice dream too I might add), and finding my cat licking… MY FREAKING MEMBER !!! Kitty’s also tried fisting me, so now I wear shorts to bed. The irony is, I don’t have the girlfriend, but I still have the cat.
Believe me, no one was more surprised than me. Hell of a way to wake up. Woke the girlfriend up too, as I screamed WHOOOOOOO !!! in her ear. She couldn’t get back to sleep she was laughing so hard.
We had a Siberian husky who was a diaper eating dog. (The grosser, the better, was her motto.) I think the diaper service started to wonder why there were little holes eaten into some of the diapers we sent back ---- must’ve been too much bleach.
She also had a baby sock fetish. I couldn’t keep baby socks around. I even saw her carefully pulling one off my son’s foot one time so that she could snack on it. I guess the tasty baby flavor wore off by the time he reached toddlerhood, though, because she stopped the sock eating about then… until baby #2 came around, bringing more of those tasty diaper and sock snacks along with him.
Our Siamese cat has a thing for playing with sanitary pads [unused, thank gods]. She’ll spend hours batting them around the room, completely embarrassing us when we have visitors over and have a sanitary pad hurling towards their heads. She’s a weird one that cat.
As I said before, our dog liked the trash. And she would eat(or at least tried to) USED sanitary pads. We used to brush her teeth as often as possible, and made sure that she wouldn’t lick us. Yuck!
This describes my experiences with min-pins to a “T”. My ex-wife got one, and this dog was the bane of my existance until we separated. My cat is still tromatised. These dogs are evil. EVIL I tell you! That little sh*t ruined at least 6 of my boxers, and much much more of the ex’s delicates. Sheesh, I could bitch and moan some more, but I’ve said what I wanted to say.
The worst I’ve seen is a cat of mine who had a deep meaningful relationship with one of my socks. He’d stand on it with his hind feed while he bit and pulled on it. He never touched another item but that one sock. My mother saw it and said, “you know, he’s fucking that sock, or at least he thinks he is.” I dismissed that but when I had him neutered he lost all interest in his fucking sock.
My folks have one pet that’s worse. I bought my mom a vietnamese potbelly pig when I worked at Biosphere II. {I]He* has a deep meaningful relationship with an old tire that’s near his pen. There is no doubt what he’s doing to it, yeech. A friend wanted my folk’s boar to breed his sow but Pugley was terrified of a real female. Sex toys are bad for animals.
My godmother’s daughter Marie (yeah, sounds roundabout but I knew them both well, honest!) had a cat who developed, to use Padeye’s words, a deep meaningful relationship with an almond.
Yes, that’s right, an almond. One of the unshelled ones you get sometimes.
Kitty somehow hooked this particular almond out of the nut bowl Marie was keeping on her coffee table and carried it around for a while (in his mouth), played with it, and generally took tender loving care of it.
Tragedy struck when the Beloved Almond somehow got back onto the coffee table, and Marie’s dad unknowingly picked it up and set to with the nut cracker. I’m told (did not see this) that Kitty was traumatized and Marie had to explain to her dad that he’d just eaten the cat’s best friend.
Okay, I’m glad I’m not the only one, and glad you all enjoyed reading about my “butt day” (If I can laugh at myself, why not share the wealth) I read all about Min-Pins before buying the little bastard, but didn’t understand what “evil” meant, until now. She also, is a “diaper dog”. I swear we’ve done everything possible to get her out of that disgusting habit and the only thing that worked was getting a new “sealed lid” garbage can.
Now I have to find a bulldog for the wife to make amends for insisting that Damien Dog was too cute to pass up. Anybody know a breeder who’ll give me a decent price on one?
You know how they sniff new people? I have to be sure to shut the door when I pee because the dog wants to sniff me then… without the pants in the way…crazy bitch…
Turbo doesn’t know the half of it. (Or he was too polite to post the rest). The dog does go into the bathroom trash for used tampon applicator. She’s even carried this over to unused ones. She uses her paws like little hands, and has figured out how to unzip my purse to get any tampons I have in there. I’ve been forced to buy boxes of tampons I didn’t really need simply because the ones I put in my purse the night before had been pilfered by the evil little dog. She also steals lipstick. The only thing she hasn’t done, yet, is steal money out of my purse and eat that too. She might as well, though, seeing I’m going broke buying shoes, lipstick, pants, and tampons!
My dog likes to eat tissues. Used, clean, out of the box. Doesn’t matter!
She’s got a cute way of holding them in her front paws, cocking her head to the side and chewing on the them
My aunt had a cat called Sweet William–named for my dear brother whom you know as Billdo.
Sweet William’s girlfriend was a little throw pillow. He kept it in the bedroom and would regularly hump it with vigor.
Unfortunately, when my aunt had friends over, Sweet William liked to show off–he would bring his little pillow into the living room and have his way with it right in front of the guests. :o
My dog has a thing with my socks. Only mine, not hubby’s. She likes to chew off the toe part. I have no idea why. She never bothers any of my shoes and the socks can be clean or dirty–no matter. However, she does really like hubby’s underwear! So it all works out!
