I agree with the overwhelming consensus that the OP is an ungrateful shit. That being said, can we turn to the more important issue: German parents are required by law to give their kids pocket money? Is that common in Europe? It certainly sounds bizarre to this North American.
Heck, my mom gives her grandchildren a $2 bill, and then a contribution to their college fund. They still act like they like her when she comes to visit.
definately dickish.
And even if the parents are going to pay for college, the money can go into a Junior Year Abroad or something above and beyond.
It’s a very nice thing for the grandparents to do. Thoughtfully give something that would be appreciated in the here and now, and something for the future.
My thoughts, too. To the OP–are you thinking it’s a bad gift because of the additional college fund? Or are you saying that for a grandparent to spend only $20 is not enough? (Either attitude is pretty incomprehensible to me…)
Sounds like your niece and nephew are not ungrateful shits. Sounds like they have manners and class. Sounds like they do not have, and will not grow up to have, an entitled frame of mind. Sounds like you have lovely and generous parents.
Maybe you should start listening to your wife.
Wow. I am finding it hard to believe how this could even be a question in your mind. Of course you are ungrateful. An immediate gift *and *money for college? That’s a win win for all involved. What the hell more do you want?
Heck, my family also placed a strong emphasis on education, and it was always taken for granted that my sister and I would go to college, but we also all knew that it would entail sacrifices on everyone’s parts. We both had work-study jobs, and tried for all the scholarships we could get, and even though Mom told us that we could go anywhere we wanted, cost was a consideration for us. A gift towards our college fund would have made that easier all around.
And ultimately, Mom didn’t have to help out with our college, either. That was a gift, too. The fact that you’re getting a gift from your parents shouldn’t make you appreciate a gift from your grandparents any less.
Another vote for ungrateful shit. As in very, very, very fucking ungrateful.
So… what’s the non-cruddy alternate? That the grandparents spend hundreds of dollars on the gifts that go directly to the kids? Or just somewhat more on the direct gifts?
I seriously DO NOT understand this at all.
Even if it’s generally understood that the kids will go to college and the parents will foot the bill, the parents’ finances can change between now and then. When I was growing up my parents told me that they’d pay for the college of my choice, but by the time I was ready to hit college, they could no longer afford it. Bad things happen.
My grandmother passed away when I was in college. Her estate covered my final year’s tuition, and I was blown away and deeply touched. I think I would have been equally grateful if that money had been waiting for me as I prepared for school.
I worded that badly. There is no law requiring parents to give pocket money; there is a law called pocket money paragraph that states that children older than 7 years are allowed to spend small amounts of money = pocket money for purchases. This is an exception to the normal law where in order to buy something, you need to be adult (>=18 years and of sound mind) in order to “state your intent and will”. So a kid buying a comic book = legal. Buying a bike for 150$ = pending approval of the parents, not automatically legal.
The consumer advocate groups give regular tips on how much pocket money children should be given. They usually recommend starting at age 6, with primary school, and weekly, and moving later to larger sums and monthly. The pocket money is meant for free stuff, not for school supplies or clothes, in order for children to learn how to deal with money. Saving all pocket money is not a decision the parents should make, but the child should learn self-discipline and delayed gratification by sticking with it themselves.
To be fair there is a difference between “This is what I expect for my kids” and “This is what I think the grandparents should do for the kids not in my family”. The latter is not really ungrateful, I don’t think you can be ungrateful for a gift not given to you or someone in your house. It’s just being judge-y, though. Which is fine for IMHO chatter but you (general you) have to be careful when judging your inlaws, especially over something that isn’t hurting anyone and doesn’t affect you in any way.
I agree that if the OP said he expected this for his own kids, that would be pretty much the definition of ungrateful.
Every child should have at least one relative that gives practical, unexciting gifts. I had one that gave us pajamas (2 each) every Christmas. No one made any kind of comment about it. That’s just the way it always was and we opened the boxes wondering what kind of pajamas they would be this year.
The only possibility for disappointment would have been if my sisters had gotten pajamas that I liked while I got ones that I didn’t. But that never happened.
On the other side, when Grandma got tired of keeping track of everyone’s sizes and preferences, she started taking us to Disneyland for Christmas instead. One size fit all, but otherwise not even a little bit practical.
Kids of that age are quite frequently VERY happy with a flashy shiny cheap geegaw. Hell, even at my age, I am delighted when my daughter gives me something like a pair of card decks with owls on them (I love owls), even though I know that the gift cost her something like five or ten bucks. It’s not the price of the gift, it’s the thought. And today, kids are quite often overloaded with toys.
And the fact that the grandparents are building up a college fund is a VERY nice thought, for both the kids and the parents. Compound interest is a very powerful force.
From your posts, you didn’t get an education, you only went to college and learned some facts. You don’t have a broad mind or humanistic ideas, you only stare at price tags.
And, speaking only for myself, I come from a middle-class background. My parents always valued education, too, and I could have studied at University had I considered that useful for my future*. That still doesn’t mean I measure things by money.
Anybody who gives a kid socks is either seriously out of touch with kids, and thus, not a good grandpa/ relative; or has a damn good reason. Giving special hiking socks (that cost 10-15 Euros a pair) to a hiker means taking his hobby / interests seriously.
I have only heard in jokes of giving shirts/ socks/ tie to fathers as last minute lame gift, though hand-knit warm woollen socks are a personal gift I treasure. And a good way for people who don’t have much money to still give a gift and not be left out.
- We don’t need college funds in Germany, because Universities are not private.
Seven and 9 years old is way too young for giving presents over $15 or $20 in value by people other than parents.
My maternal grandparents were poor, but managed to give us small, thoughtful gifts that I had little idea or care that they weren’t costly. Teaching the value of money? College fund? Your niece and nephew are very, very lucky indeed.
You could tell all that just from his kvetching about Grandma Cheapskate?!? Those Gymnasien you have in Germany really must be something else!
Because education (Bildung, to use the word) is an ideal that goes far beyond mere learning of facts, it involves the whole character. A proper human being does not measure things by money, and yes, I can see that her in post. If you can’t see it … shrug
It’s not the Gymnasium itself, though - a lot of people I went to class with were uninterested boring people. That’s why it’s an ideal, not everybody achieves it despite best efforts by teachers, and a lot of the system is actually working against it.
Your parents are thinking in the future. You are thinking in the past. Those grandparents have the true welfare of your children at heart whereas you grasp the pleasure of watching them open presents now.
PS. I doubt you will be influenced by any negative comments here. Kudos to the grandparents.
I think your perspective assumes that the parents will pay for college, and give the kids essentially a “free ride”. If that is your intention, good on you, you should be grateful to the Grandparents for helping you out.
If you don’t really want the help, you could always just give an equal amount of money to the kids each time.
That’s my point exactly- a college fund isn’t really in touch with what a 7 or 9 year old is into, no matter how nice or practical of a gift it may be. Stuff like GI Joe figures is, and when everybody else is giving probably $30-35 dollar gifts, it probably seems kind of cheap to a 7 year old to give a single $15 dollar gift.
I think I mis-described what I was getting at- it’s not necessarily that I’m advocating that my in-laws give toys in lieu of college money, but I’m wondering how that’s perceived by 7 and 9 year olds.
I realize that it’s a very nice thing to do, but it’s not necessarily one that a young child like that will really understand until they get older. My thinking on gift-giving is that I’ve always wanted to give gifts that would be appreciated and/or enjoyed by the recipient. I’ve always felt that a gift is a cruddy one if that’s not the case. I don’t see any problem with giving both kinds, but don’t cheap out on the immediate gift vs. the one that won’t be used for 11 years.
For example, how many men would give their wives an ironing board for their anniversary? Not many… because it’s a cruddy gift. It may be eminently practical and even needed, but it sucks as a token of love and affection, and probably wouldn’t be appreciated or enjoyed.
My main thought is that it would be disappointing to the kids, because they aren’t old enough to really understand the college fund money, and just get a token gift.