ZANFIR!! Master of the Pan Flute!!
A few minutes of this (a friend actually had this in her collection) and I will gladly hand over the launch codes to the secret nuclear missle base.
…send lawyers, guns, and money…
Warren ZevonJohn Tesh.
– Sylence
“Excuse me, are you reading Torah and eating crayons?”
My choices have already been mentioned, but I’ll repeat them anyway.
-
Find out what the kid’s favorite song is (or the most popular current song) and make him listen to a 5 or 10 second loop from it for a few hours.
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Lawrence Welk.
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Loop the ride of the Valkyries from Die Walküre. Make sure the recording includes the Valkyries singing.
Those jokes revolved around different allegedly effeminate traits Wayne had, implying of course that he was gay. As I recall from his own account on A&E’s Biography, he barged into Carson’s office and very firmly told him to stop. I don’t recall him mentioning any physical threats.
“No,” he replied, and smiled seraphically, as was his wont.
I personally don’t think the kid got punished.
Making him listen to music for a few hours is not punishment, regardless of what the music is. Death metal or church choir, he could tune it out. Think about it. How often have you tuned out background music while shopping? At a wedding? While riding in someone else’s car?
If that judge had wanted to give the kid a musical punishment, he should have made the kid actually learn the songs, then do community service by performing those songs in a public venue, like a school or retirement home. 
This space blank, until Wally thinks up something cool to put here.
I saw Wayne Newton on (I think it was) Letterman about a year or two ago, and he rocked! I was totally surprised. He played lead guitar and of course sang.
That, coupled with seeing him in movies like ‘Ford Fairlane’ and ‘Vegas Vacation’ have made me kinda dig him.
Okay, so I don’t have any of his albums, and can’t sing 'Danke zhen (sp?) to save my life…
Whitney Houston. I Will Always Love You - ooo -ooo - whoodle-ooo etc.
If/when I go to Hell, my punishment wouldn’t be to listen to music I already hated - that would only strengthen my resolve and confirm my conceit. No - they would play something I truly love (like Raymond Scott’s "Powerhouse’) OVER AND OVER until it attained the same level of hatefull noise as any other overplayed drek that I loathed in the first place. Same as “you like to sprinkle salt on your food? Here - let’s force feed you this nice bowl of yummy salt!”
Your deep sea diving suit is ready, me brave lad.
William Shatner and Yoko Ono singing “I will Always Love you” in a duet.
Clawson is about 30 miles north of Detroit.
My vote for worst torture: “The Best Of Zamfir” or “Zamfor and His Magic Flute”-this would drive a saint insane!
4th grade band recital and none of the children belong to you. An all strings concerts.
Actually, it’s punishment enough even if your kid is in the band.
Teacher, my red crayon tastes funny – Ralph Wiggum
I’d definitely go with rap…
Oh, you said musical torture.
Might I suggest:
John Mellencamp
Hootie and the Blowfish
BareNakedLadies
Chaim Mattis Keller
ckeller@kozmo.com
“Sherlock Holmes once said that once you have eliminated the
impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be
the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.
The impossible often has a kind of integrity to it that the merely improbable lacks.”
– Douglas Adams’s Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective
All together now: “We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun…”
You’re probably familiar with his American pop-music drivel. A few years back, I checked out from the library a CD of Yugoslavian folk music. I very much enjoyed it. Imagine my surprise to discover that much of it was played by Zamfir himself on the panflute!!
He really is pretty good, in his natural setting. I guess even Hendrix would sound bad if he were playing “Theme From a Summer Place…”
Sweet Basil
SRB will get you girls!!
You’re probably familiar with his American pop-music drivel. A few years back, I checked out from the library a CD of Yugoslavian folk music. I very much enjoyed it. Imagine my surprise to discover that much of it was played by Zamfir himself on the panflute!!
He really is pretty good, in his natural setting. I guess even Hendrix would sound bad if he were playing “Theme From a Summer Place…”
Sweet Basil
SRB will get you girls!!
Bee Gees
Celine Dion (already mentioned, but worth repeating)
Barry Manilow
Take a pimply-faced Swedish teenager. Add some Iron Maiden midis. Mix in a generous lack of talent, and you have: Anton Maiden!
TMR
“You should apologize for using up oxygen and other essential supplies that are desperately needed for survival by banana slugs.” – Judith Bandsma
The most horrible form of musical punishment I know isn’t a song, it’s far more diabolical…
Play a major scale, slowly and steadily…
Do…Re…Mi…Fa…So…La…Ti…
…
…
Don’t play the last Do. Let that empty gnawing silence chew at their mind.
http://www.madpoet.com
“I never meant to hurt you,” you said,
And buried yourself in lies instead.
Next time I would rather be slain,
Than forced to bear your mercy again.
Just yesterday I read an article in the paper about some protesters that were camping out at the University of Toronto. Without getting into details, the university decided to play the Backstreet Boys all night long to try and get the protesters to leave. The exact quote was, “This is the first time the Backstreet Boys have been used as a form of sleep deprivation torture.”
I went to see Wayne Newton in Branson, MO. with my parents when I was about 18 years old. I thought Wayne was fantastic! I really enjoyed the concert. For true torture, try any of the following concerts that I was forced to sit through in Branson:
Mel Tillis
Glen Campbell
Tony Orlando (okay, I do like that “Knock Three Times” song)
Or, just see any of the numerous “variety shows”