Simple discussion. I’ve always thought the cliche “cry over spilled milk” was very similar to “it is what it is”, meaning done is done. Time to move on. Can’t undo it.
Wife thinks it refers to an incident that is so inconsequential that it doesn’t deserve your tears.
I think it’s a pretty big distinction. One way deals with the weight of the situation and the other deals with the results.
Where do you stand??
I use it like your wife does, though your interpretation makes sense too.
ETA: Various online sources seem to agree with you, that it’s not worth fussing over problems that already occured. Interesting!
Done is done.
I never thought of it as inconsequential.
It’s an old phrase. Maybe spilling milk isn’t a big deal now but in the past I’m sure it would have been.
What’s happened, has happened, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
My understanding is the same as yours. Never heard the one your wife proposes, although it’s easy to see how someone could reach that.
What you said, OP
I’ve always understood it to mean that continuing to be frustrated, sad, upset, etc. might be appropriate, but futile. That is, the trigger might be a totally legitimate trigger, something that really is upsetting, but there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, there’s no way to fix it, so you’re better off moving on than continuing to beat yourself up about it.
Contrary to your wife’s interpretation, “no use crying over spilt milk” indicates to me that there is something worth crying over, but crying won’t help, so what’s the point?
Then again, I’ve literally cried over spilt (pumped breast)milk, so I totally understand the temporarily devastating nature of going to all the work of getting milk just to see the results ruined beyond recall. I suppose that doesn’t make much sense when you buy milk by the gallon at the store for less than the price of gasoline, but when you have to actually milk a creature to get it, it’s a lot of work with nothing to show for it and hungry babies.
I thought it meant getting upset over something insignificant.
The cow/goat/mare kicked the bucket over. The children will go hungry if you don’t hold it together and find something else for them. Cry later,when you have time.
Yeah, “what’s done is done” is how I know it. While I can see the other interpretation, I can’t say I’ve ever heard it used in this way.
Exactly, the “no use” highlights that the saying is not about the appropriateness of the response, but efficacy.
‘What’s done, is done.’
I don’t think spilled milk is, or was, ‘inconsequential’. Remember that when the phrase came about, you couldn’t just drive down to the milk store. People milked their own cows, churned their own butter, etc. Spilling the milk meant doing without.
I think it’s “what’s done is done” because in most circumstances you literally will not be retrieving or drinking that milk.
Done is done.
There’s support for the argument that the idiom is over 350 years old. Cite. Definitely NOT an inconsequential matter back then.
[QUOTE=Stephen King]
Done bun can’t be undone.
[/QUOTE]
…
Another vote for it being about an unfixable problem rather than an inconsequential problem.
I don’t think of it as “unfixable”. More as “get on with it”.
Don’t sit there being sad or angry about knocking a glass over - clean up the mess and get a new glass full.
My point is that if you spill milk, you can’t pick it up and put it back in the bottle. Spilled milk can’t be fixed in the way that a spilled basket of apples can be.
Yeah - but that’s not what I always thought the expression was ‘about’. I always thought it was ‘about’ the appropriate reaction to an accident or problem.
In short, that it would work as well for spilled apples as it would for milk - the issue being, you gotta move forward and get on with it, not sit around being sad and sorry, or arguing over who was to blame.