Cthulhu smitten with OG in first round
The love og OG will prevail!
Bah, Chthulu’s still tuckered out from the last time he tried to keep up with Shub-Niggurath!
Of course you’ll never see Ol’ Shub get a shot at the title…nooooooooo! I’ll bet if Don King was his agent he’d be fighting every week! Frickin’ politics…
Ota: Fukui-san!
Fukui: Go, Ota!
Ota: Fukui-san, the Iron Cthulu is making a risotto out of the Challenger, Og, using shallots, capers, endive, and rice wine!
eunoia: You are out of your nightgaunt-pickin’ mind.
Everyone knows that Shub is the weakest of the Great Old Ones. Why, Shub cannot even throw Cthuga or go four rounds against Ithaqua, let alone win against the pantheon heavywieghts like Hastur, Yog-Sothuth, or everyone’s favorite cephalopod.
Bill: For those of you just joining us, these two titans are still locked in battle with each other. There’s been mighty blow landed by both of these warriors, but both are still standing (or slithering as the case may be) as we get ready to start Round 155.
Chet#78: Screw this, I’m not going out there again, Bill. Just last round, Chet#77 was killed after Og threw one of Cthulhu’s tentacles he had rent off the mighty cephalopod into the crowd. Not to mention the Chet #35 who was eaten by Og in Round 57 when Og thought he was a mid-round snack, or Chet #21 who had the unfortunate task of interviewing one of The Elder Gods about their feelings of the fight so far. I am so outta here.
Bill: Sorry to hear that Chet, but, unless you want the Horror of Dunwich to visit you and your family this weekend, you’ll get out there and do your damn job.
Chet#78: sigh Tell my wife I’ve always loved her…
Bill: Well, to quickly recap the fight so far, it’s been a hard fought battle of epic proportions, with each competitor pounding away at the other. Cthulhu was the first to knockdown his opponent when Og was distracted for a split second by a shiny object. Cthulhu took advantage and landed a solid 4th tentacle from the left blow on Og’s chin, sending Og to his knees. Og was able to jump up almost immediately, but those next few rounds all went to Cthulhu. Then, in the 102nd round, Og got his first knockdown, and a warning from the referee, when he smashed his way into the interior of Cthulhu’s temporal body and smote Cthulhu right in the nuts. Cthulhu was down for a count of 5, but got up immediately and attempted to eat Og. Cthulhu was forced to regurgitate Og after discovering that Og has not bathed in nearly 15 million years. But now, it appears the fight is back on.
DING DING DING
Bill: And here comes Round 155. These two gladiators look dead on their feet. I’ve never seen such a display of guts in my years as a boxing announcer. Cthulhu is moving very slowly, and Og is having trouble getting any real power behind his smiting and smashing style. But the fans are on their feet and cheering wildly:
*OG!!
OG!!!
OG!!!
CTHULHU!!!
CTHULHU!!!
OG SMASH!!!
CTHULHU DEVOUR!!!*
Bill: What’s this, the crowd has gone silent, and both gods are looking around to see what is going on. Chet#78, do you have any idea what is going on?
Chet#79: This is Chet#79, Bill. Chet#78 was rent in two by one of the Cthulhu fans who just came in from beyond the stars. But the crowd here has fallen silent, as a young boy has emerged into the arena and is making his way to the ring. I can’t quite tell who it is from here, but the crowd is cheering something.
Timmy, timmy, TIMMY, TIMMY, TIMMY TIMMY
Chet#79: Yes, it appears little timmy is making his way down to the now quiet ring. I think I see a little tear coming to Cthulhu’s eyes as he watches this brave little boy make his way to the ring.
Bill: I can see it now. Let’s go down to the microphone by the ring.
Timmy: Hi Unkie Cthulhu. I really miss you and I want you to come home with me. We can make popcorn and stuff. I don’t want to see you fight anymore, Unkie Cthulhu. I ‘wuv you.
Bill: Brave little Timmy. He’s brought this epic battle to a standstill with his heartfelt plea. It appears that Og is a little confused, but then again, he always is. Wait, even Og is touched by this wonderful display, and is going over to Cthulhu with outstretched arms. Cthulhu takes Og into his tentacles and hugs him. This beautiful scene is enough to bring a tear to even this old bitter boxing commentator’s eyes.
Timmy, timmy, TIMMY, TIMMY
Chet#80: As if this scene couldn’t get more beautiful, Og is now stopped hugging Cthulhu, and is bending down to hug Little Timmy. Timmy is backing up, but Cthulhu nods his gigantic squid head, and Timmy walks into Og’s embrace. This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Og is picking up Timmy into a warm embrace. Og is turning to the now silent crowd as if to speak.
OG …
…
SMASH!!!
Chet: Now Og is turning Timmy upside down. OH NO! Og is driving Little Timmy’s head into the floor of the ring. As a stunned Cthulhu looks on, Og is smiting and smashing poor little Timmy to bits. Oh dear God the humanity!!!
Bill: This unspeakable act has now driven Cthulhu crazy with rage. He pounces on Og, who, appears to be confused why anyone would be upset over Og smashing something.
DING DING DING
Bill: And there’s the bell, bringing an end to one of the most troubling rounds I’ve ever seen.
Og’s people rejoice!
No actual Timmys were injured in the making of this thread.
This can’t be the end of the thread.
I bet my afterlife on this fight.