Cthulu v. Og: The Battle of the Gods!

In My Humble Opinion
1

Although this is definately not a “less-than-cosmic topic”, I’ll post it here in IMHO!

[Ring announcer voice]

In this corner, weighing in at 3,251 megatons, the Dead but Dreaming king of the city of R’lyeh, the slithering beast from the deep, the Nightmare among us, CTHULHU!!!

[/Ring Announcer voice]

Well, Chet, I can’t remember a time when the Old One looked in better shape. For those few fans who are unaware, Cthulhu has been one of the top gods at SDMB for many a year. Along with his pack of Elder Gods who can be seen here he’s been around awhile. It’s hard to trace his first appearance, but you can hardly see God mentioned, without him popping up. He also made an appearance here

You are absolutely correct, Bill. I’ll head over to talk to hopefully get a few words with Cthulhu. Cthulhu, I’m coming over to you now. Wha? Arrrrhhhhhhh! My Brain! Sob! The visions! Make them stop! The pure evil!! No dear God NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Sorry for that interruption, but Chet is now lying in a fetal position bleeding out of every orifice he has. It looks like Cthulhu hasn’t lost a step in the horrifyingly evil department. I have gotten word from Cthulhu’s camp that he is dedicating this fight to Little Timmy, and that after this fight, he’s going to hunt down the waste of flesh hacker who made us lose Fenris’s wonderful Christmas story about Cthulhu and Timmy. Now, back to the ring.

[Ring Announcer voice]

And in this corner, wearing a Mammoth hide, and weighing in at 320 pounds, the Smiter and Fighter, The Smasher and Crasher, the one, the only OOOOOOOOOOGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

[/Ring announcer voice]

You know, Bill, Og is a relative newcomer to the Boards here. In his first appearance in this thread, Og blazed into Godhood with a smiting, smashing style rarely seen from such a newbie. Many would call his style simplistic, maybe even caveman-like, but behind inside that heavy brow and hairy body, beats the heart of a real competitor.

*You are absolutely right, Chet-like sidekick. Og is a fierce competitor, and I’m going to try and get some of his thoughts about his upcoming battle.

Og!!! Og!!! Over here Og.
Og, how do you feel knowing you are going up against probably the most powerful godlike being in SDMB history?*

OG SMITE!!!

Yes, that’s very interesting Og. How do you feel about your brief appearance in this thread?

OG SMASH!!!

Words of wisdom from a real champion. Good luck with the fight, Og.
Both fighters are in the ring, and we’re ready to start. Any feelings on this fight Dopers?

2

I’m reluctant to take sides in fear of choosing wrongly and suffering a fate similar to Chet.

But I can’t help but be impressed by Og’s meteoric rise to power (plus it is easier to spell). However, like many others before him, he may burn so brightly that he can’t sustain his rule for long.

Cthulhu has shown he has staying power and determination.

I predict Og will win the first fight, but following a series of rematches, Cthulhu will eventually banish Og to the outlying provinces from whence he will continue to make occassional, but ultimately unsuccessful, attempts to regain his majesty.

3

My money’s on Og. It’s said that no man can stand before the Elder Gods. Well, Og is no man. The insanity defense is out the window, Og’s not bright enough to notice the difference. And when it comes down to sheer brute power, well, lets just say the Cthulhu ain’t as young as he used to be.

I say Og takes it in the 3rd round, by knockout.

Thurgin

4

OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG!!!
***OG SMITE!! ***

OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG OG!!!

5

I’m throwing my money on Cthulhu. He’s just too big and huggable to lose.

6

Og is the primordial god of cavemens and neanderthal people. You know, the ones who fought the dinosaurs. Adam and Eve didn’t romp through their little garden till millions of years later. Og predates the Bible, and that weird book that arab guy wrote, so he’s the man…actually, he’s the GOD!

Og rules. Next.

7

In the City of Og, Cthulhu stands on the corner selling those little flags for a buck.
Og by a knockout.

8

What tiggy said.

9

I think that the IPU will whale the tar out of both of them in a surprise third entry.

10

Until Eris shows up and whips all their asses.

11

Little Timmy is lost? No more “Thing That Spawned Me”?

Die, hacker, DIE, DIE, DIE!!!

12

Assuming this is what you guys are referring to, Little Timmy is not lost.

13

OG GOOD

Og will win easily.
Cthulhu is a constant, Og is variable. I predict that before the fight is over, Og will be Org. Cthulhu just can’t fit something so chameleon like.
We didn’t see Og coming, Cthulhu won’t either.

ORG GOOD

ORG SMASH

14

Dewey Cheatem and How, you are wonderful!

15

Bill (our friendly ringside commentator): Both competitors are in the ring. It looks like the aptly named THE MEATY BEATINGS OF THE DEITIES is all set to start. Checking the Vegas odds here, it looks like most of the money is on the upstart OG to beat Cthulhu. I think some of the oddsmakers are underestimating Cthulhu’s battles skilled. Lovecraft’s evil one is coming off a complete (and well deserved) dismantling of Emeril. But then again, Emeril is no Og. Of course, nobody is like the up and comer deity Og, who is currently bashing his huge forehead against his stool.

Chet-like sidekick: You’re right about Cthulhu’s most recent battle, but some members are concerned about his recent Disneyification and think he may have lost his edge. Meanwhile, Og has smashed his way into yet another thread and wrecked havoc here.

Bill: We shall see very soon, as this battle begins…

DING DING DING

Bill: And there’s the bell, and now the Battle for SDMB Honorary Deity begins. Og’s corner captain is putting his mouthpiece in, and …Oh wait, Oh my God, Og is spitting out the mouthpiece and is smashing all of the members of his corner.

OG SMASH

Chet-like sidekick: Just seconds into the battle, and Og has completely destroyed his entire corner team and is now trying to pound the turnbuckle into submission. He’s completely oblivious to the slithering approach of the mighty Cthulhu. Cthulhu is now within striking distance and AAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH. THE HORROR…THE HORROR…

Bill: The mighty Cthulhu has unleashed a mental attack of unmitigated evil upon the ring, and anybody within 30 feet. [sub]Tell the producer I need another sidekick, cause my last one is currently trying to eat his own brain in horror.[/sub] While the spectators are reeling from the attack, it looks like Og is finally done with the turnbuckle. Cthulhu’s mighty attack was perhaps a mistake on his part. Sure it renders humans, or anything with a functioning cerebellum, completely insane with it’s evil, but he forgot Og’s brain is roughly the size of a walnut. A really small walnut. With Cthulhu’s first attack being useless, Og has now turned on Cthulhu and has begun his trademarked smiting and smashing style.

OG SMITE

Cthulhu is taking many hard blows to his temporal body. These smashes would easily destroy any living being, but, luckily for Cthulhu, he’s not technically alive.

Chet v.3.1: Yes Bill, that’s one of Cthulhu’s strong suits that the bettors may have overlooked. We learned after Cthulhu’s battle with Godzilla that he’s not one to be underestimated.

DING DING DING

Bill: Well, that’s the first round, and I think the judges will have a tough time judging that round. I think Og takes it, because he landed so many strikes, but he never really hurt Cthulhu. Settle in folks, this may be a long battle.

16

Winner fights J. Dean Tyler, Grand Scion of the Church of Circumscientology, in a “Loser has to wear a Tug-Ahoy!™” match.

17

For the love og OG, please tell me this stool was a small chair-like piece of furniture.

OG sort rubbish!

18

It makes no nevermind to Og.

As a very wise man once said:

OG SMITE!!!

19

betcha can guess who I put my clams on…

20

This fight is fucking rigged. Everyone with half a brain knows that, in a honest fight, The Tentacled One would eat Og in 2 minutes flat.

Bring on Yog-Sothuth. Now that’s a being that could give Old Squidhead a run for his money.