Cthulu voters: will you choose Nylarthotep or Yog Sothhoth (or McCain)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

This is the season of the Elder Gods, when blood shall fall like rain and the souls of humanity shall quiver and melt like rendered fat. Lo! These are the Dark Times, the Cold Times, the Election Times!!!

Choose, mortals, for the Great Old Ones hunger for your vote, your support, and your endless sowing of strife and discord. Ye, verily, they are not assuaged! Their hunger has not been sated! Ia! Ia! Dubya fthagn!

The Elder Gods lie dead but still dreaming, and they are drunk on great droughts of your emotional energy. Cast your lot. Cast it! Cast is now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
Now!
Now!!!

The Elder Gods are unhappy with your devotion during this, the Most Important of Most Importants, until four years from now. Ia! Ia! They who must not be named look forward to months of more fighting, and the gnashing of teeth, and the wailing of women and the anger of men! The Elder Gods promise a tidal wave of roiling blood and TV spots, from now until the end of Time! Yea, unto you they have affixed the great demons Status Quo and Business as Usual! They have set their phantasms of Hopechange and Honorintegrity upon you, yea, verily, to vex thee unto a frothing madness!

And they are not content, they are not assuaged, they hunger still! Those Who Dwell Beyond Death demand your obeisance! Not until brother is rent asunder from brother, and mother from child, and fisherman from The One That Got Away, shall They count their plans as having even begun! They demand that you fight for their pleasure, from now until the Earth is but a burnt cinder in the caress of the Great God Nova! Ia! Ia! Partisan fthagn!

Not until man-ape fights man-ape, and all are torn apart by their One True Ways, shall their anger begin to be quenched. Not until all feel compelled to point out that those people, the others, are wrong and bad and stupid and corrupt and probably racists too, shall Their wrath even begin to be satiated! Ia! Ia! Pancakebreakfast fthagn!

For theirs is the terror and the incessant drone of 10,00 soundbytes carried on black, cyclopean wings whose geometry is non-euclidean! From now until the end of Time, or until Britney does something really outrageous again!

Ayiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

2

Fuck it all. I’m writing in third party candidate Chaugnar Faugn. Again.

3

Don’t blame me. I voted for Hastur.

4

But, in the end, will Cthulu care who you voted for as he eats you?

5

You make no mention of Shrub Niggurath, the Black Goat of a Thousand Dumbs.

The Elder Gods are most displeased by your folly.

6

I’ll vote for anybody if it ensures that I get eaten first!

7

The ballot you cast taints your soul with its peculiar flavour. Choose wisely for you don´t want the tentacled terror to work yourself in his mouth like a child trying to chew down a brussels sprout.

8

I’m a third-party man myself, so I’m going with Shub-Niggurath. It’s that catchy campaign theme song that hooked me: Don’t Stop Thinking About That Madness-Inducing Tentacled Thing Living in Your Attic.

9

The question is - who can best carry the Shoggoth vote come November?

10

Only the true servants of Cthulhu know how to spell his name correctly. I’ll be at the head the queue to be eaten. Nyah, nyah, nyah!

11

Fuck it, I’m marking my ballot with the Yellow Sign.

12

I’m going to vote for the King in Yellow again this year. More rampant insanity, but at least he contributes to the arts.

13

I’ll vote for whoever convinces me that he is sincere about stomping on all the pundits, tormenting them for eternity and squishing Chris Matthews’ head like a pale ripe grape.

By the way, if any of you vote for Kodos… I’m blaming you.

14

Sadly, it seems these issues didn’t end with the Cold War.

Vote Starry Wisdom!

15

I’m going to have to go with the experienced cadidate, Cthugha. I think a being that’s been on Earth 4.5 Billion years will be able to put our civilization into the perspective it deserves.

However, it always comes down to the catchy slogan.

16

Yeah, but can anyone “handicap” each voting district in every state as we approach each primary? Let’s stick a fork in Cthulu 18 times!!

17

Might I recommend one with a very, very, very, very long handle?

18

It’s not the same now that Bob Dhole isn’t in the running.

19

Freaking McCain?!?! Man, I am all for world destroying evil, but Republicanism is going too far even for me. Cthulu or nothing.

20

But I thought McCain was one of the Great Old Ones?
Nice Op FinnAgain, but why are we in the Pit?