Cthulhu for President!

Cafe Society
1

Unoriginally, I derive my inspiration (well, lack thereof, actually) from this page. My favorite passage:

Q) What is Great Cthulhu’s position on obvious cult fronts (such as Microsoft, Lego and most gaming companies); will he/she/it treat them as previous administrations have? (i.e. pretend they don’t exist or support them/crack down on them) Also and more important will he treat all cultists equally, or give his particular thrill kill cultists preference leaving (for example) shub-niggurath disciples such as Clarence Thomas and Bob Packwood out in the cold?

A) Good question. Within the first 100 days of its reign, the Great Cthulhu pledges to destroy the following cults:
Disney.
Mass Media.
Yuppies.
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
People who use the phrase “information superhighway”.

Cthulhu cultists will be given the following priveleges:

They will die last.*

I bet the SDMB can one-up this site easily. Plus, it’s kinda fun to think of how to campaign for Cthulhu. Are you with me? Cthulhu for President!!

2

Where are the joke candidates this year? Where is Pat Paulsen? Where is Randi of the Redwoods? Where is Ross Perot? We’re getting entirely too serious.

[/hijack]

3

I thought the point was to be eaten first, and be spared the horrors of an “Old One” infested world.

4

I had this impression too.

5

Pat’s been dead since 1997.

Randee of the Redwoods has been pursuing other opportunities of late.

And amazingly enough, someone still wants Perot to run…

6

Yeah, well, the vast majority of Presidents of the United States are dead men. We could save ourselves vast amounts of angst, 24 hour CNN coverage, and 30 days of flags at half mast by electing one who’s already dead.

7

It would have saved us much breast-beating, clothes-rending and teeth-gnashing the past four years…

8

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
-“In his house at R’lyeh, dead Cthulhu lies dreaming.”

There you go. Cthulhu’s been dead for millennia. Perfect!

9

You will be eaten next-to-last.

10

We’ve already got one prominent joke candidate in the race; everyone else pales by comparison. :wink:

11

I want to be Cthulhu’s VP.

How does one petition for that position?

12

Probably you first have to meet this basic qualification: You are not driven mad by the mere sight of Lord Cthulhu.

13

“That which is not dead,
May yet Eternal lie.
And through strange Eons,
Even Death may die.”

In collloquial terms, he will run again in 2008.

14

I don’t think Cthulhu was born in the U.S. so, like the Governator, he’s out of luck,

15

We’re not even sure he was born in this universe.

16

Hmmm. The Constitution may need to be amended.

But that would open the way for the Governator.

Which would be more Evil?

17

I think the native-born citizen requirement only applies to persons who are born or obtain citizenship after the ratification of the Constitution. Wasn’t Cthulhu resident in upstate New York in 1789?

18

Oooo, you’re sure to get some kind of reward, and a high ranking postiion, for finding that little loophole.

Of course, you’ll eventually be eaten like all the rest, but status is status.

19

Cthulu. Hm.

Well, he couldn’t be worse than what we’ve got! :smiley:

20

I am not sure, but I bet human sacrifice is involved.

BTW, didn’t the Great and Dreaded Cthulhu used to post on this message board?