Hypothetical? No, it’s about baking. Including story elements of rape, murder, violence against women, and terroristic threats against Californians? There is no story, though I admit suicide, egg-beating, and my contention that certain women need to stay out of the kitchen while I am cooking will occur. Offensive to some? I am not in charge of you people. Filled with embarrassing typos? Not at all. Typos are created by TYPING. Whatever mistakes you see here are created by Apple’s voice dictation software. God, I hate those bastards. Every man in Apple Park needs to be severely beaten.
After a year spent alternately wallowing in self pity and learning how to use assistive software, I have begun baking again. Mostly cakes and cookies, as some more adventurous dishes are currently beyond my skill. Both Cinderella the Rhymer (My stepdaughter)and Kim the Rhymer (The wife) are of the opinion that I would be well advised to make cupcakes with my biological daughter, as little girls love making cupcakes, And time I spend doing such a thing with her is time that I am not spending debating whether to plunge a dagger into my beating heart (I mentioned the self-pity, right?). But I resist this particular bit of advice. Even though in many ways making a batch of cupcakes is exactly the same as making one large cake, there seems an important difference. To me, cupcakes are all about the visual, about making the end product beautiful as well as delicious. I can’t really see well enough anymore to do that, and while I can get somebody to assist with the artistic icing part, that offends my ego, probably on account of my tiny little (Girlish, in fact) hands.
So how full of shit am I, if at all? I am not asking whether I am right to avoid making cupcakes out of ego; I am asking whether the visual impact of cupcakes is the most important part.
Also, if anybody has any bitching cupcake recipes they wish to share, they should. Because baking.
So don’t call them cupcakes. Call them muffins. There’s THAT problem sorted.
I presume that you’re okay with making full-sized cakes. Am I right in supposing that a competent job of frosting/icing a full-sized cake is sufficient decorating for you, and that you have no overarching need to make the cake look like an erupting volcano (or the quaint village on its slopes, doomed to devastation under an inescapable river of molten lava)? And that, in your view, cupcakes have to be individual and identical components in a swarm of realistic-looking butterflies (or froggies, or Sonic the Hedgehogs, or locusts)?
I’m here to tell you that they don’t. When I was growing up, a cupcake was nothing more than the dessert version of a personal pan pizza. Cupcake in a paper liner, a layer of frosting on top, and BOOM! that one’s done. On to the next cupcake. Sprinkle a few jimmies on top if company’s coming and you need to make them “special.”
Hope you and your Little Rhymer have fun! (smiley face)
If you were running a bakery, you’d likely have to make the cupcakes into works of art. That seems to be the trend now. However, I personally don’t like those kinds of cupcakes. They are usually super moist and topped with tons of frosting to be visually appealing, but they are way too rich for me. I prefer the traditional cupcake where it’s basically a little cake with a modest amount of frosting on the top.
I actually did make a volcano-shaped cake for my favorite niece wants. So yes, I have done some ridiculous cake decorating things. And I’ve also made some ridiculous but amusing cupcake frosting designs.
It has taken me most of this year to reconstruct some competence with regular baking, as ADL (activities of daily living) classes are difficult to come by in Memphis. Sometime when I feel feel like filling myself with rage, I might open the thread about that.
So let the little girl do the prettying, how is that not the obvious solution?
No matter how hideous they come out, the entire family/world will dutifully swoon over such a wonderful job she has done.
And, no, cupcakes, except in fancy mags, tv shows, and high end bakeries, remain as they always were back in grandma’s time, NOT all about pretty, pretty, pretty! Icing and tasty cake is what makes cupcakes awesome, in my opinion.
You’re doing it with your kid, right? Let her take over the decorating. Your ego is saved, because it’s not your decorating. Plus she’ll be super-proud of her decorating work.
As for bitchin recipes, Joy of Cooking has a recipe for black bottom cupcakes that looks very similar to those at the link: they’re chocolate with a cheesecake-like middle, sort of what a Hostess Ding-Dong wishes it were. My nine-year-old can make them herself, so we’re not talking super-complicated (although to be fair my nine-year-old is freakin amazing). They can take frosting, but don’t need it.
And a small request: I know you’re pissed about the discussion about trigger warnings and such. But putting them in plaintively is a bad move, and I don’t really like opening a thread about cupcakes to see it start with a discussion of rape and murder. I know, can’t win for losing. How about only putting trigger warnings in where appropriate, and making them non-petulant?
Ah, good point. You made me realize that growing up, nothing had to look “really nice”. Sure, if Auntie Lorraine was descending upon us with her entourage of second-cousins, maybe my mom would dig out the fancy Jell-o molds…
But everyday concoctions? They were functional. Hey, y’all want cupcakes? Spoon some batter from a cake mix into a cup, bake ‘em, then slather on frosting… with absolutely no concern for how it looked. They were going into someone’s mouth, for heaven’s sake. Same for “casseroles”*, they looked horrid.
*where have those gone, and can I make a quick million opening a “Midwest Comfort Foods of the '60s” restaurant? People could frost their own Betty Crocker Box O’ Mix cupcakes, too.
[Moderating] Skald, cut the crap. If you want to make a thread about cupcakes, make a thread about cupcakes, but without the irrelevant well-poisoning. This is closed.
(smiley face)